Isiah Thomas Will Not Accept Tar Heels’ Tyranny

Believe it or not, basketball season’s coming soon. Just three months from now, we’ll be positively mired in the thick of the sports season, with weekends dominated by football and weekdays devoted to NCAA hoops and the NBA. It will be wonderful - especially if people stop screwing with Isiah Thomas.

Isiah Thomas
(He was so happy, you guys, and you’re just ruining it!)

The embattled Knicks head man-turned-FIU coach was set to begin his Golden Panther career against Ohio State, which makes sense; we’d long suspected that FIU was content to just be a pawn in Thomas’ reversion to his collegiate rivalries, after all. But UNC decided they’d rather have the date instead, and apparently that was enough for FIU to completely lose their s**t. Seriously.

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Speed Read: Another Violent Day in LA’s Paradise

The baseball day in Los Angeles started on a solemn note Monday when the Dodgers held two moments of silence for fallen comrades in arms during Chavez Ravine’s opening day Monday (before a third passed later in the day).

Dodger Stadium tributes to Nick Adenhart and Harry Kalas

(Pictures from 710 AM ESPN’s Beto Duran)

By the end of the game (an 11-1 pounderation of the San Francisco Giants, who could not devise a hacky time travel solution with the USS Enterprise despite the cross-promotional gold), the area around Dodger Stadium hosted numerous instances of disrespect to human life through stabbings, gun-waving, fights involving dozens of people, and the stray auto accident.

Of course, we would never draw a correlation between the drop in beer prices at Dodger Stadium and violence around the ballpark. After all, fan-on-fan violence is still seemingly less likely than vendor-on-vendor violence or security-on-fan violence. The relative safety of MLB.com’s At Bat iPhone app is looking better all the time, especially now that it works occasionally.

Another object d’mocktastery best safely seen from a distance that works only occasionally: Isiah Thomas. He’s apparently found a reason to leave the house as Florida International University has shown interest in hiring him as their basketball head coach.

Isiah Thomas suit

(”Look! Look up at that paragraph! It says that someone wants me!  Do you see that?”)

FIU has found a certain comfort level with losing (five straight seasons) and could certainly use the limelight brought by a famous coach. Perhaps Isiah’s excited because he thinks he can ply his trade in a different country unfamiliar with his sordid past. (That’s what the “International” stands for, right?)

Another gentleman of leisure being paid by an NBA team to go away but still looking for a new home will also have to find a new place of leisure as well. At least two of Detroit’s casinos (current count: 439280410) have reportedly tossed Allen Iverson out on his ear for “boorish behavior”, including bodyguard-related scuffling, pouting after a loss, and being generally churlish.

Allen Iverson golfs

(There’s always golf to ruin one’s forced retirement)

So kudos to the MGM Casino and the Greektown Casino for standing up to Allen Iverson’s shenanigans after he’s left town and will likely never return unless absolutely forced to by contract. Also, way to leak the information once the coast is clear.

We once spotted AI in the Omni Hotel in Atlanta, taking over a section of  the open-air lounge and bar to play cards in the late afternoon with his buddies. He did not order from the bar; instead, he had the bellboy bring his crew a beat-up old cooler filled with their own special reserve.

We did not get a chance to see his favorite drink, but we bet he could get it for 25% less this season at Dodger Stadium. Better bring the bodyguards to carry the overflow.

And now our riot police-approved hail of rubber bullets reinforced by the near-certainty there are relatively few industries interested in “boy whisperers”

Which team is the best in all baseball after one week?

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Crime Goes Up When College Ball Comes To Town

DEADSPIN calls out the cops, as they discover the real starting point for traveling down that path toward a life of crime. Poverty? Drugs?

No - college football!

Miami FIU fight

(Miami and Florida International trading pigskin pleasantries.)

MARGINAL REVOLUTION comes across a paper (PDF file) from Daniel Rees of the University of Colorado-Denver explaining the relationship between homecoming and home invasion.

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Florida International Wins Last College Game At Orange Bowl, Ends 23-Game Losing Streak

FIU OUTDOES MIAMI, GIVES ORANGE BOWL LAST-EVER WIN: The Orange Bowl finally closes out with a winner:

FIU football

Florida International did what the Miami Hurricanes could not, and completed their stay in the south Florida stadium with a final victory - a 38-19 triumph over North Texas.Not only that, but the win snapped a 23-game losing skid for the Golden Panthers, which was the longest in the nation. FIU was also the last Division 1-A team to get a ‘W’ this season, meaning all 120 teams have at least one victory for 2007.

Saturday’s Sun Belt showdown was the last-ever college football game played at the 71-year-old facility. FIU spent the season at the O.B. while a new on-campus stadium was being built. And the Hurricanes will be taking their act to Dolphins Stadium next year.

The win was FIU football’s finest Orange Bowl moment.

Miami FIU fight

Except maybe this one.

Kansas Jayhawks and Smith Center HS Still Dominate While Miami Football Fortunes Stay Grim

KANSAS FOOTBALL ROLLS ON, AS MIAMI TEAMS FALL FLAT: Football fortunes keep shining in the Sunflower State:

Mark Mangino

Mark Mangino feasted on yet another opponent, as Kansas devoured Oklahoma State on Saturday, 43-28. The 10-0 Jayhawks are now the only undefeated BCS team left, and the real Mangenius has a realistic shot at the national championship.And it’s not just in the collegiate ranks that Kansas football is stepping up. Smith Center High School continues to destroy anyone who gets in their way.

The latest victim was Oakley, who had the nerve to make the Redmen punt - for the first time all season. But Smith Center had the last maniacal laugh, as they trounced their playoff foe, 56-0.

Smith Center football team

The shutout also keeps Smith Center’s surreal season scoring record at 760-0, as they march toward a fourth straight state title. Next week’s opponent, St. Francis, actually managed to score against the Redmen last year - by notching 2 whole points!While football in Kansas looks bright, dark clouds continue to hover over south Florida.

The Miami Hurricanes ended their 70-year stay at the Orange Bowl with a 48-0 shellacking against Virginia, their worst home loss since World War II:

Miami Virginia

Meanwhile, the other Division 1-A team in town, Florida International, is still looking for their first win of the season. The Golden Panthers will be playing in the O.B. for their last three home contests.But it’s a safe bet the old stadium might never see another home-team victory, as FIU is currently stuck in a 21-game losing streak.

Dolphins fan bag on head

As far as the pro game, the Dolphins are now the only winless franchise in the NFL. Cam Cameron’s club keeps the goose egg with a 13-10 loss to Buffalo, while the St. Louis Rams shed their sorrows with a win over New Orleans.Sad times in South Beach, indeed. But we can’t end a Miami football retrospective without naming our favorite Orange Bowl memory.

Was it the 1984 Orange Bowl? Doug Flutie’s Hail Mary?

Nope. ‘Twas this friendly encounter.

Police Warn Fans Not To Steal Orange Bowl Stuff

ORANGE BOWL LOSING FIXTURES BEFORE MIAMI FINALE: Miami will host its last-ever game at the Orange Bowl on November 10. By then, there might not be any seats left:

Miami Orange Bowl

WPLG-TV warns fans from getting too greedy about grabbing some souvenirs from the old stadium, or else they’ll grab themselves some jail time.But being Hurricanes fans, they should already be very knowledgeable about the Dade County criminal system.

Miami Police say they’ll have extra officers on hand for the home finale against Virginia. The cops will also be working with a security company that’s dealt with historic closings before, such as for Pittsburgh’s Three Rivers Stadium.

Miami Hurricanes Ibis mascot carry

(A lucky ‘Canes fan taking home a souvenir)

Some spectators have already gotten a head start. Lt. Bill Schwartz said they’ve previously stopped people trying to exit with signs and seats: “We haven’t arrested them. We’ve given them warnings. But at this point forward, we’re going to have to get more strict on this.”And the ‘Canes farewell won’t even be the last time football is played in the Orange Bowl. Florida International will play 3 more games at the O.B. afterwards, while their own campus stadium is being rebuilt. So, the real last time will be FIU against North Texas on December 1.

Then, who gets claim over the remaining Orange Bowl mementos - Miami or FIU?

Miami FIU fight

Let ‘em fight for it.

Former Miami Hurricane Thugs Up UM Footbrawl TV Broadcast

FORMER HURRICANE THUGS UP FOOTBRAWL BROADCAST: By now you’ve seen Saturday’s south Florida footbrawl between Miami and Florida International.

However, most folks who didn’t view the scrUM live on Comcast Sports Southeast missed out on the musings of color analyst and former Hurricane Lamar Thomas.

His thoughtful insights during the fracas:
(at 1:48): “Now that’s what I’m talkin’ about! You come into our house, you should get your behind kicked! You don’t come in the O.B. playin’ that stuff! You across..you across the ocean over there, you across the city. You can’t come over to our place talkin’ noise like that, you get your butt beaten! I was ’bout to go down the elevator and get in that thing!

More Thomas, amid scenes of Hurricanes players lifting their helmets and hopping on the sidelines (at 2:59): “You know, I say why don’t they just meet outside in the tunnel, after the ballgame, and get it on some more! You don’t come in to the O.B., baby - we’ve had a down couple of years - but you don’t come in here talking smack. Not in our house!

Lamar Thomas: Thug

Nice to see Lamar’s thug mentality hasn’t softened after all these years.