Cuervo Girls Spiked From AVP Tour Appearances

• AVP fans will no longer be able to drink in the sights of the Cuervo Girls.

Cuervo Girls

(”Wait - we’re out of a job?!?!”)

• Brewers fans will finally get to see some great baseball at Miller Park - they’ll be showing “The Sandlot” in the stadium parking lot.

Michael Irvin sued for stealing reality show idea. Aren’t all reality shows stolen from something else anyway?

Cristiano Ronaldo shows off his macho fashion sense by sporting a pink cap on his head, a flower in his hair & pearls around his neck.

• Let the Lakers & Magic have their NBA Finals. Tony Parker will be just fine with a bikini-clad Eva Longoria in the French Riviera.

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Eva & Tony Parker Frolicking In The French Riviera

The NBA Finals kick off tonight, as the Los Angeles Lakers play host to the Orlando Magic. Of course, that really doesn’t matter for the other 28 teams whose seasons have already ended. But some players have found fun ways to spend their sooner-than-hoped offseasons. One popular choice appears to be hitting the beach with some scantily-clad cuties.

Eva Longoria Tony Parker French Riviera

We earlier wrote how the Bulls’ Joakim Noah took to carousing in the Caribbean with a topless female companion. And now Tony Parker has taken a similar trip to his home country, as the Spurs star soaked up the sun on the French Riviera with his Desperate Housewife Eva Longoria.

Unfortunately, Eva appears to continually keep her top on. However, as you can see, there’s still plenty to peruse of Mrs. Longoria Parker:

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Week In Review: Philadelphia Sports Full Of Boobs

• Philly sports: Where there’s boobs at courtside & boobs in the front office.

Mary Carey Sixers LARGE

• Was Tonya Harding’s hit on Nancy Kerrigan somehow financed by George Steinbrenner?

• Would you like to carry ESPN Radio shows? That will be $100,000, please. And don’t try to offset the funds with a softcore porn bracket contest.

• Maybe women’s college basketball should acknowledge the lesbian fanbase. Otherwise, why even bother playing anymore?

• These lovely lady lumberjacks are a cut above other beauty pageant gals.

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Stars Who Were Cheerleaders; D.R. Done In WBC

• Always dreamed of Eva Longoria in a cheerleader’s outfit? Here you go!

Eva Longoria cheerleader

• The Dominican Republic gets dealt a death blow by the Dutch. And here’s the skipper who helped bounce Felipe Alou & Co. from the WBC.

• Q: What’s a life worth? A: The 17th pick in the 2nd round of the NHL Draft.

Dwight Freeney gets an offseason job as Dr. Phil’s limo driver.

• NFL backup QB Drew Olson loses golf tourney to a 14-year-old. Drew, don’t quit your day job.

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Before They Were Stars, They Were Cheerleaders

When it comes to male fantasies, it’s hard to top cheerleaders. Alright, maybe famous Hollywood stars might be a notch above. But instead of trying to decide between the two, why not enjoy both?

Cameron Diaz cheerleader

Now you can!

The folks over at BETTOR FAN have dug up a mother lode of snapshots showcasing some stars back when they were shaking their pom-poms for their hometown schools. For example, up above is the lovely Cameron Diaz, decked out in delectable cheerleader gear before she began chasing baddies as a Charlie’s Angel.

More flashbacks of fab females after the jump.

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Speed Read: Time To Perform Last Rites On Cubs

Apparently, not even God can save the Cubs. The CHICAGO TRIBUNE reports that team brought in a priest to spread Holy Water on their bench before Game 1 to exorcise the demons of collapses past. But after last night’s wretched 10-3 loss to the Dodgers in Game 2, the Cubs look ready to call the priest back - this time to perform Last Rites.

Crying Cubs fan

How bad was it last night? How about every starting infielder making an error. Not the kind of night the Cubs needed when Carlos Zambrano decided to bring his less-than-A Game to the mound - more like his Z Game. The only bad news for the Dodgers was that Takashi Saito got shelled, giving up three hits and two runs without recording an out. Somehow I think the Dodgers will take the results.

Eva and Evan Longoria

In other playoff news, it turns out the Rays are pretty good after all. At least we know that Evan Longoria is. Tampa Bay’s rookie sensation became the second player in baseball history to smack homers in his first two post-season at-bats in the team’s 6-4 win over the White Sox. (The first? Gary Gaetti, now a coach with in the Rays’ farm system.) If almost-namesake Eva Longoria sent him champagne to celebrate the Rays’ playoff berth, what’s she going to get him now?

But it wasn’t all sunshine and roses in Tampa last night. As the Rays were doing something historic, the No. 10 South Florida football team was doing something familiar: getting upset on an ESPN Thursday night game. In this case it was Pittsburgh doing the honors, with Dave Wannstedt pulling of the type of victory that will somehow save his job after the team finishes 7-5.

As for other sports news, here’s what you missed while you were watching the Vice Presidential Debate and wondering if Joe Biden was wearing more make-up than Sarah Palin:

John Daly

What Chicago-area sports miracle has the best chance of happening?

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Blog-O-Rama: Ivanovic’s Great Visit To Great Wall

• WTA TENNIS BLOG serves up Ana Ivanovic telling us all about her great visit to the Great Wall of China.

Ana Ivanovic Great Wall of China

• BUSTED COVERAGE could be flagged for illegal contact, as a couple of college refs aren’t going to turn down a photo op with Erin Andrews.

• While Florida fans are fuming over the Gators’ 31-30 loss to the Rebels, ESPN THE MAGAZINE finds Ole Miss alum Shepard Smith happy with the result - and he better be, since the Fox News anchor has given the school “an a**-load of money“.

• But Urban Meyer may have Dan Patrick to blame, as the ex-ESPN anchor’s radio show is becoming quite a curse on college coaches.

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Speed Read: Is FirePeteCarroll.com Available?

Maybe Pete Carroll was right when he called the Pac-10 schedule “ridiculously difficult” - or the Trojans just had another epic meltdown against a far lesser opponent. Either way, the end result was a shocking 27-21 loss to Oregon State.  Yes, those Beavers. The same Beavers who lost to Penn State and Stanford by a combined 39 points.

Oregon State fans

You could look for goats in the game: defensive back Kevin Thomas, who let an interception in the end zone slip through his hands at the end of the first half and into the hands of James Rodgers. Or quarterback Mark Sanchez, who despite three touchdowns also threw a fourth-quarter interception that set up the eventually winning touchdown for the Beavers.

Mark Sanchez

But ultimately, blame has to go to one person: Pete Carroll. Yet again, the Trojans fell flat on their face against teams with far less talent. It’s the second time Oregon State has done it to USC, along with Stanford, UCLA…basically, any team that’s beaten USC since 2002 other than Texas.

The team came out flat and uninspired - a content, cocky team expecting to win because they were USC. (and as the LA TIMES’ FABULOUS FORUM points out, maybe celebrating a touchdown to close to 21-7 isn’t such a great idea, Ronald Johnson.) And the coaching staff was incapable of adjusting until halftime, when they had dug themselves too deep of a hole. But really, who could have seen this being anything but a Trojans blowout. Except maybe for Brooks right before the game:

I like the Beavers and the points tonight, which means I’ll be laughing in about two hours, or waist-deep into my sixth Boilermaker* at Coach & Horses around 12 bells.

…or our own Jason K. in the USC/Ohio State Live Brog two weeks ago:

“And Mark will have plenty of time to recuperate, as USC doesn’t take the field again until Thursday, September 25, when they travel to Oregon State. But remember what happened the last time the Trojans took a trip to Corvallis - a 33-31 shocker.”

Far less of a shock is that the Los Angeles Dodgers finally clinched the NL West title, thanks to the Diamondbacks’ 12-3 thumping by the Cardinals. Now Los Angeles’ notoriously fickle sports fans can forget about USC’s collapse and focus on the Dodgers in the playoffs - until they lose in four games to some team like the Cubs. But by that point, hey, isn’t the Lakers’ season starting?

The Dodgers’ clinching the NL West leaves three playoff spots to be decided: the AL Central race between the Twins and the White Sox, and the Phillies/Mets/Brewers mess for the NL East and/or Wild Card.

The Mets and the Brewers remained tied for the Wild Card, both winning in dramatic fashion: New York using a ninth-inning single by Carlos Beltran for a 6-5 victory over the Cubs, while Milwaukee knocked off the Pirates 5-1 on Ryan Braun’s two-out grand slam in the tenth. The Phillies could only sit home idle and watch their lead in the NL East shrink to one game.

Minnesota Twins celebrate

Meanwhile, the Twins and the White Sox also went ten innings. In this case, Minnesota put together a five-run rally of their own to win 7-6 to complete a series sweep of Chicago and take the AL Central lead for the first time in a month. Even worse, the White Sox seem to be imploded, as the CHICAGO SUN-TIMES reports that Orlando Cabrera seems intent on destroying team chemistry as he heads out of town.

Other late-breaking news last night, straight from the sports desk of Tank McNamara:

Eva Longoria

What was the biggest upset so far in 2008?

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Longoria & Hart Clinch Final All-Star Roster Spots

The final votes are in, and the last two players to grab an invitation to the All-Star Game are … (drum roll) … Evan Longoria & Corey Hart!

Evan Longoria Corey Hart

As the Internet ballots were tallied up on Thursday, the Rays third baseman & Brewers outfielder finished out on top. Longoria reeled in 9 million votes, besting the Yankees’ Jason Giambi, the White Sox’s Jermaine Dye, the Orioles’ Brian Roberts and the Royals’ Jose Guillen.

Meanwhile, Hart brewed up 8 million votes, a head above the Mets’ David Wright, the Phillies’ Pat Burrell, the Giants’ Aaron Rowand and the Astros’ Carlos Lee.

But we wonder if online voters weren’t a bit confused as to who they were selecting for one last trip to Yankee Stadium. Read more…

Blog Jam: Everything’s All White For Reggie & Kim

• RIGHTFIELDERS listens intently, as Kim Kardashian does all the talking for Reggie Bush while the duo hosted an all-white party in the Hamptons.

Reggie Bush Kim Kardashian all white

The locale makes sense for such a segregated shindig. Oh, wait - they meant that all the guests were wearing white. Our faux pas.

• Even though she didn’t claim the checkered flag at Indy, BABES IN SPORTSLAND still thinks Milka Duno is a winner.

• The FEMININE FAN races along news that Yao Ming held a moment of silence before Sunday’s Coca Cola 600 for earthquake victims in China.

• Holy Hot Stove! HOME RUN DERBY flips through the pages to see some comic book superheroes taking a swing at baseball.

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