I don’t know how many times I’ve set out for Chick-fil-A on Sunday …

… and then remembered half-way there, or when I’m pulling up.

In the glory days of the 49ers, owner Eddie DeBartolo was infamous for packing up the entire team and trundling them off to Hawaii for a couple of days of R&R, on his own dime. Just a gesture to show you how much we care, you adorable lugs. And coach Bill Walsh was noted for his light practices and tendency to dress as a bellhop at the team hotel. Current Browns coach Eric Mangini has a different approach.

Five of his players are pursuing grievances with the NFLPA for his prolific use of the ticket book. The Browns coach as fined players for such things as illegal parking, having their cell phones go off in meetings, and my favorite: Not paying a hotel bill for a $3 bottle of water. And judging by Sunday’s 34-3 loss to Baltimore, the players may have had enough. Have the Browns quit on Mangini?

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Eric Mangini is certainly making an impression in Cleveland. The Browns coach has so far sent rookies on a 10-hour bus trip to work at a “voluntary” football camp, demanded $500,000 worth of changes to the coaching offices, and has even been accused of spreading “diva” rumors about Michael Crabtree (although that last item seems to have some truth to it).

And now the Mangenius is trying to instill the notion in his players’ heads to be fiscally responsible & always settle your debts. How far is the coach willing to go to teach this lesson? He apparently fined a player $1,701 over a $3 bottle of water.

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Rich Rodriguez finally has some breathing room at Michigan. After going on the hot seat after a 3-9 debut season that was the worst in school history, Rodriguez was almost buried before the season began by a range of allegations including violating NCAA practice rules and getting sued for a condo deal gone bad. But after a 38-34 win over Notre Dame in one of the most amazing college football games ever played a college football game, the Wolverines are back in the Top 25 and suddenly relevant again.

So how does Rich Rod celebrate this stunning reversal of fortune? Exactly like you would expect he would: by opening his fool mouth and blowing out any goodwill he had earned by blatantly lying. It’s not his fault: it’s human nature. We all revert back to our default mechanisms at some point. For Rodriguez, it’s making an ass out of himself.

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As PRO FOOTBALL TALK mentioned today, the situation with Michael Crabtree’s holdout is steadily declining into “disaster” territory. Now, according to his agent Eugene Parker, Crabtree is planning to sit the entire season out, then join the 2010 NFL Draft (in prime time!) in search of a new team.

(This is Michael Crabtree catching a football during a football game. Just keeping it fresh in your mind, since you’re not going to be seeing it for a good, long while.)

Crabtree, the phenomenally productive and talented receiver out of Texas Tech (best known for driving a wooden stake through Texas’ season), was the 10th pick of the draft. Obviously, he thinks he should have gone higher - or should be paid as such, anyway. Never mind that the “big” money comes from the second contract, not the rookie contract.

But if there’s some chuckling you hear, it’s probably coming from Cleveland. Read more…

This photo is OK if you’re Charlie Sheen, or you have a bet with Big Enos Burdette that you and the Bandit can get all of this to Atlanta in 28 hours. But if you’re wide receiver and perennial screwup Braylon Edwards, perhaps it isn’t the best PR move of the century to be posing on your Facebook page with this much hooch.

Not only did Edwards lead the league in drops last season, but he also failed his physical and injured himself in a pickup basketball game. And don’t forget the time he injured his foot when a teammate stepped on it because Edwards was running practice routes in his socks. But the bigger issue here, of course, is that Edwards was out drinking with Donte Stallworth on the fateful night of Stallworth’s DUI accident that claimed the life of a pedestrian. But welcome to my basement anyway! How do you like your martini? (Hick!) Read more…

It’s a contract year for Braylon Edwards, and if there’s one constant among professional athletes, it’s that contract years are their best years; one good season can erase years of underperformance and lead to a giant contract (these usually make their way into “severe regret” territory; see Austin Croshere for more). If Edwards’ 2009 is more like his 2007 (1289 yards, 16 TDs) than his 2008 (873 yards, 3 TDs, 1 seriously pissed off city of Cleveland), then it’s money time, chocos!

(Braylon actually making a catch, meaning this was probably from 2 years ago.)

So it stands to reason that Braylon should want to start the contract year off on the right foot, especially with a new coach with a penchant for controversy. Nothing but good decisions from here on out, right? Oh, but he’s got an “undisclosed injury.” Um, what? Say, there’s the fantastic Cleveland blog WAITING FOR NEXT YEAR. We could ask them. And they’re… shaking their head sadly.

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Hazing: it’s a problem. Sure, it’s not the horror show that superconcerned talking newsheads or bad afternoon movies make it out to be, but it’s still a good way to create unpleasantness and lingering distrust among a group. Oh, and team unity or something. Still, it’s bad enough that all sports ban it outright.

(There is absolutely no evidence that a short bus was used to transport any players. Then again, there’s no evidence that there weren’t any used…)

So when, as the CLEVELAND PLAIN-DEALER reports, an NFL source refers to something as “a sophisticated form of hazing” that he’s never seen anything like before, you’d think there’s some serious issues with player discipline, right? Has to be, right? Actually, it’s a head coach at work - Eric Mangini, to be precise, and only, oh, every single rookie on the team getting mistreated.

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One of the storylines in the leadup to the NFL draft was that Michael Crabtree had an inflated sense of self-worth, which prompted an infinitely stupid quote from a scout that compared the thought of drafting him to eating an animal’s fecal matter. Yes, that actually happened.

(”You want someone who acts like a baby? Here. Here’s an actual baby.”)

That all came as news to Mike Leach, who had coached Crabtree for the last three seasons at Texas Tech. Leach thinks the rumors came from tradition-hater Eric Mangini at Cleveland - nay, he’s dead certain of it. And based on the fusillade of invective that the Dread Pirate Coach has launched at Mangini, it’s once again clear that the only thing more entertaining than a free-speaking coach is a free-speaking coach who feels like he’s been wronged: Read more…

It was an incredibly tumultuous night in Cleveland, and the Cavaliers losing to the Wizards was the least shocking news of the night. (Although as the WASHINGTON POST’s Michael Lee points out, Washington joins the Lakers and Celtics as the only teams to beat Cleveland twice this season.) Yes, it’s not often that the best team in the league loses to the worst team in the league, but the Wizards are a unique case, with Gilbert Arenas and Brendan Haywood finally back playing after missing almost all of the season with injuries.

No, most of the evening drama in Cleveland involved the Browns. First came some fallout from Jay Cutler’s trade to the Bears, specifically reports that Cleveland had tried to work out a three-way deal with the Broncos and Redskins that would have sent Brady Quinn to Denver and Jason Campbell to Cleveland. Browns coach Eric Mangini spent Thursday night denying these reports; expect Quinn to demand a trade because the Browns tried to trade him sometime within the next week.

And later in the evening, there was news in the DUI manslaughter case against Browns WR Donte Stallworth, and it was more than just his first appearance at a court hearing. It turns out that Stallworth was already in the NFL’s substance abuse program at the time of his arrest, which opens him up to a whole range of punishment from the league. Of course, he’s facing charges that could land him in jail for at least eight years, and having a history of substance abuse issues is not going to help his case, so I’d say that Roger Goodell is the least of Stallworth’s problems right now.

Meanwhile, there were no problems at the opening of the Hard Rock Cafe Yankee Stadium yesterday, just a lot of unintentional comedy as reported by MLB.COM. What do I mean? How about Yankees’ Executive Vice President Hal “The Pretty One” Steinbrenner joining rock stars/C-list celebs with nothing better to do Ace Frehley of KISS, Scott Ian and Frank Bello of Anthrax, Darryl “DMC” McDaniels, Bernie Williams and members of the Seminole Nation to smash guitars instead of cutting a ribbon. And yes, this means rock and roll is officially dead.

(Oh yeah, “Late Show With David Letterman” band drummer Anton Fig was there, which only means one thing: even Paul Shaffer had too much dignity to show up to this thing.)

Other news while you were rioting in the streets of State College to celebrate Penn State’s NIT victory:

• As PUCK DADDY notes, it must be like getting their hearts ripped out all over again for Hartford Whalers fans to see a Hurricanes jersey with the Whalers’ logo (and a God awful color combination). Although I’d love it if the Ravens wore Browns jerseys for “Turn Back The Clock” day against Cleveland.



• While the Jay Cutler trade solved one long-running NFL saga, the Anquan Boldin/Arizona Cardinals mess continues to fester. The latest comes from NFL.COM which reports that Boldin told a Florida radio station that he would “love to” play in his home city of Miami.
• I had hoped that the America’s Cup had gone the way of 1980s fads like The Lambada, Swatches and The California Raisins. But apparently it’s still happening, and it’s now the focus of lawsuits involving people with more money than they know what to do with. The AP has the latest news, as software tycoon Larry Ellison and his boat “Oracle” have won the right to challenge the current Cup holders, Judge Elihu Smails and his boat “The Flying Wasp” (seen below at its coronation):
  

• It looks like things are going anything but “perfect” for former Cincinnati ace Tom Browning: THE NEWS & OBSERVER reports the Reds have dropped him as the pitching coach for the Carolina Mudhens after he was arrested on Friday for failure to pay child support.
• If you’re a former NFL player who gets arrested on drug charges, you would hope that the headlines wouldn’t call you “forgettable.” But that’s just how NBC DALLAS FORT WORTH described former Cowboy Leonardo Carson, arrested yesterday on intent to sell charges, and I’ll be damned if they aren’t right.
• Now that Tim Floyd has turned down Arizona, TUCSON CITIZEN columnist Anthony Gimino wants to know if there’s anyone left who wants the Wildcats’ coaching job. May I make a suggestion: Former Baylor coach Dave Bliss is available and ready to talk. Sure, he’s got a checkered past, but the guy knows how to win. Barring that, perhaps Jerry Tarkanian is available.
• Sports is creeping its way into politics in Los Angeles, as the LOS ANGELES DAILY NEWS reports that City Attorney candidate Carmen Trutanich is being ripped by his opponent and NOW for successfully representing former USC defensive back Eric Wright on rape charges in 2005.
• I can’t imagine why parents in Shenendehowa, NY are upset to find out that a part-time track coach had his teaching license revoked 11 years ago after an alleged sexual abuse case. WTEN-TV says that while Don Paretta was not convicted, he admitted to giving a former student a note at graduation saying he would “miss the student’s face and body.” And this guy coached pole vaulting: let the jokes commence.
• According to the NEWARK STAR-LEDGER, Boston College DT B.J. Raji - a projected Top 10 pick in the NFL Draft - committed a crime worse than scoring single digits on the Wonderlic test: he reportedly flunked a drug test at the NFL Combine.
• Finally, HOME RUN DERBY sends a hearty congratulations to Manatee Community College, which defeated the Pittsburgh Pirates 6-4 yesterday. Yes, those Pittsburgh Pirates, as in the “allegedly major league Pirates.” Bill Mazeroski would be rolling in his grave, if he were dead.