• Emmitt Smith defends the legacy of the Dallas Cowboys by declaring Terrell Owens to be a non-Cowboy, according to FANHOUSE. What’s wrong, Emmitt; not enough hookers and blow to meet the minimum requirements?

(George Teague agrees)

• This young lady would like to find marital bliss with Korean pitching star Kim Kwang-hyun. EAST WINDUP CHRONICLE has found as a clear visual definition of ‘moxie’ as we’ve ever seen.

(White seems a bit presumptuous here)

• Matt Loede of NFL GRIDIRON GAB has spotted another Hochuli Hiccup in today’s action. We bet you hear more about this later.  Just a guess.
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A new book released yesterday by noted sports author Jeff Pearlman opens with a description of Hall-of-Fame receiver Michael Irvin slashing a teammate in the throat with a pair of scissors in the early ’90s, nearly killing him. According to an interview with Pearlman in the NEW YORK TIMES, Irvin attacked fellow Cowboy Everett McIver and the team paid McIver to stay mum on the incident so Irvin, who was on probation, wouldn’t face certain jail time.

The book, Boys Will Be Boys: The Glory Days and Party Nights of the Dallas Cowboys Dynasty, documents the Aikman-Smith-Irvin era with no details spared. And while the Irvin incident is the book’s hook (it appears on the first page), it just scratches the surface of the shenanigans that group was involved in.

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Apparently, trading for Brett Favre wasn’t enough of a marketing coup for the Jets. This afternoon, the team announced that Jenn Sterger has been hired to serve as the team’s gameday host. This is a brilliant move in much the same way ESPN’s audience benefited from Emmitt Smith’s presence on NFL SUNDAY COUNTDOWN.

Sterger, who became something of an internet sensation when she started penning columns for Sports Illustrated in 2006 (but before getting unceremoniously dumped), has parlayed that fame into spreads in both MAXIM and PLAYBOY, and today, she’s an employee of an NFL football team. It all makes perfect sense.

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Goodness knows I’m breathless in anticipation of another angle on Brett Favre’s descent into AFC anonymity, so I present crack coverage from the WATERTOWN (WI) DAILY TIMES.

Today, Daily Times reporter Adam Tobias went to really the only source that matters when it comes to finding out the genuine reax of Team Favre to the Jets deal: Favre’s pilot.

Grant Goetsch skippers Favre’s well-chronicled private plane, and confirmed what the rest of the world outside of Oyster Bay knows: “He knew there was a bidding, he knew that they (Packers) had a higher offer from the Jets and he knew that the Packers wanted him to go to the Jets. He didn’t want to really go to the Jets.

“He and his agent were continually working I’m sure all night talking on and off with the different teams. He was aware of both (teams), but the comment was made that he wasn’t as interested in the Jets.”

Wasn’t as interested in the Jets? Who said millionaire ballplayers aren’t like Everyman? Favre definitely falls into the majority of the non-masochistic, male population with that “comment.”

Here’s the wife of a ballplayer you just might know:

Said ballplayer revealed after the jump.

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• Heidi Watney is starting to receive Erin Andrews-levels of obsession.

• Emmitt Smith will no longer be enjoyed on ESPN’s “NFL Countdown“.

• With Internet problems all around Beijing, Olympic Village athletes will have to get their porn the old fashioned way - from dirty books at the local bookshop.

• Meanwhile, gender testers at the Games just want to make sure girls will be girls.

• “Sun-ny day, beating the clouds away” - Cubs fans pummel a White Sox supporter while attending a 2-year-old’s Sesame Street birthday party.

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If I came into my office every morning and slept underneath my desk, or just spent the entire time I was there openly blogging on various internet sites, I would expect to be fired. Actually, scratch that last one.

Point being, if you stink at your job, you should get fired. ESPN finally woke up and smelled the roses, deciding not to bring Emmitt Smith back to NFL Countdown. PRO FOOTBALL TALK reports that Cris Carter will be brought in instead to torture give us the news on Sundays with Chris Berman & crew.

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• Shaq is moving on up, as the ARIZONA REPUBLIC reports that the Big Cactus’ new abode is the former Phoenix residence of Emmitt Smith.

• TMZ catches Terrell Owens having some ab-solute shirtless fun in Vegas. (Jeff Reed’s been there, done that.)

• The CLEVELAND PLAIN DEALER doesn’t relish members of Progressive Field’s condiment race being kicked out of the Indians’ training room.

• Tom Ziller of AOL FANHOUSE grooves to the news that Larry Bird likes him some Beyonce.

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AWFUL ANNOUNCING has an interesting find. Politics aside, a video of former NFL player and current ESPN analyst Emmitt Smith taking the podium in Dallas and delivering a barn-burning speech for Barack Obama would not be notable in and of itself — except for the fact that there is not one Emmitt-style neologism in the entire speech.

I wonder whether there was a TelePrompTer for Smith’s speech, because it looked like he was improvising — and I always assumed his grammatical blunders and Emmitt-isms on “NFL Countdown” came when he riffed instead of going with the prompter. Read more…

• Spencer Hall at SPORTING NEWS discovers that Pedro Martinez turned that recent cockfighting match into a dance floor.

• PRO FOOTBALL TALK finds out that everyone’s favorite inventor of neologisms, Emmitt Smith, may be back next season. (My personal favorite Emmitt-ism: “debacled”.)

• LOG’S BLOG learns that UNC men’s hoops coach Roy Williams isn’t up on much of popular culture.

• BUSTED COVERAGE shows that Cleveland Browns WR Braylon Edwards is having some fun with high-powered weaponry at the Pro Bowl.

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• What was Tom Brady’s baby mama doing during the Super Bowl? PAGE SIX discovers Bridget Moynahan was taking little John Edward Thomas out for a walk around the neighborhood.

• WITH LEATHER learns, through the magic of video editing, what Chris Berman really thinks of Emmitt Smith.

• PAUL KATCHER marches in with a look at the Giants’ Super Bowl victory parade.

• You can’t be serious! John McEnroe invites you to take the 10-Day All Bran challenge (Gas-X next up for J-Mac?!)

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