Week In Review: Brady’s Bride w/Nude Black Guys

• It’s not often your wife poses with four muscular naked black men - but such as it is in the madcap marriage of Tom Brady & Gisele Bundchen.

Gisele Bundchen Photo Shoot With Black Guys

Ricky Hatton, thanks to Jennifer Dooley, may have survived okay from Manny Pacquiao’s pummeling - but three Filipino fans didn’t.

• Tennessee b-ball coach Bruce Pearl is Volunteering for married life again, as he announces his engagement to blonde beauty Brandy Miller.

Jessica Simpson admits that whenever Tony Romo takes the field, she texts everyone she knows to pray for him.

Carrie Prejean, Miss California 2009 & recent pal of Michael Phelps, gets her panties in a bunch over a revealing pic revealed from her younger days.

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NAACP To Honor Clippers Owner Donald Sterling

There have been many opinions about Los Angeles Clippers owner Donald Sterling during his time running the team. The most common one being that Sterling is cheap and couldn’t care less about whether or not the team was winning, just as long as he was running a profit. He never signed the big free agents, or kept any of the team’s young talent anytime they began showing some promise.

Sterling has quieted some of these complaints in recent years by trying to re-sign players like Elton Brand and bringing in others such as Baron Davis. Then after essentially firing longtime general manager Elgin Baylor last October, he was hit with another criticism after Baylor filed a lawsuit against Sterling saying that he was a racist and that he had a “vision of a Southern plantation-type structure” within the organization. Well, Elgin’s lawsuit just took a pretty big blow. The NAACP is honoring Sterling with a lifetime achievement award.

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Speed Read: Unholy Isiah Thomas/Clippers Union

I’ll be blunt: End Times may be upon us. Sources have told ESPN.COM that the Clippers have had discussions with Isiah Thomas about bringing him into their front office. While the two sides have apparently only had “informal yet substantive” conversations, the thought of arguably the worst executive in NBA history joining forces with perhaps the most sad-sack franchise in all of pro sports should be enough to make anyone tremble in fear.

Isiah Thomas, Clippers and the Rapture

(A sign of things to come?)

One source within the Clippers organization (in between bouts of crying and failed suicide attempts, I’m sure) said that the discussion of bringing Thomas or Randy Pfund into the front office to “help” Mike Dunleavy is just “a smoke screen to defray the criticism of the franchise” about the lawsuit filed by former GM Elgin Baylor. I don’t know if that’s true or not; what I do know is that even throwing the idea of Thomas and the Clippers linking up is tempting fate.

Mike Dunleavy

(Why is this man smiling? Seriously, help me here - I have no idea.)

Because make no mistake, this is bad news on an apocalyptic scale - the Staples Center area might be turned into a giant vortex of suckage that it would collapse into itself, taking the majority of downtown LA with it. Those little yippy dogs that celebs like Paris Hilton carry in their purses would turn into blood-thirsty savages. Hollywood Boulevard might become a river of molten lava, carrying away the homeless and Japanese tourists there to see “Grease” starring Taylor Hicks to a fiery death.

I’m sure as hell leaving at once if this happens, and I’m bringing enough cyanide pills for the family in case we don’t get out in time. Perhaps I’m being a bit too panicky, but you have to plan for these things: I just have a feeling that more than the Clippers’ salary cap is going to explode if Isiah Thomas joins the Clippers.

Also making plans: NFL Commissioner Roger Goodell, who is significantly more together than either Thomas or the Clippers. His latest plan, according to USA TODAY: expanding the regular season to 17 or 18 games, and eliminating one or two preseason games in the process. Imagine that…actually trying to give fans more meaningful games and eliminate season-ticket holders having to pay for lousy games featuring star players for one series and then a bunch of scrubs for the remainder of the game.

Of course, the union hasn’t approved the plan yet, and they are sure to not be pleased about their players having to play two more competitive games a season. (And if there’s an 18-game season, you can pretty much wipe out things like a 1,000-yard season as being any sort of benchmark for success.) And is certainly interesting that the league would consider putting the players through more wear and tear a day after announcing new rules to “protect” them.

Of course, Goodell has other things on his mind, like the fact that he might need to rule on Michael Vick’s status sooner rather than later. Vick left a federal prison yesterday for a bankruptcy hearing in Virginia, but the day was hardly successful. The AP reports that U.S. Department of Labor has filed complaints accusing Vick of illegally spending about $1.3 million in pension funds from one of his companies for personal reasons, including paying restitution in his dog fighting case.

This should close any debate about who the stupidest person in America is. I wonder if the Clippers have room on their staff for him?

Some other sports news from last night that you might have missed if you were in Brussels waiting in line to use the restroom…and waiting…and waiting…

  • Our economy might be going down a drain, but that doesn’t mean we as Americans are too broke to engage in the American Dream: going to a baseball game and eating a hamburger the size of a kitten. The GRAND RAPIDS PRESS reports that the West Michigan Whitecaps will be debuting The Fifth Third Burger, a 4,800-calorie, four-pound behemoth that includes a one-pound bun, five patties and five slices of cheese. And a cup of chili for good measure.
  • The Fifth Third Burger

  • BALL DON’T LIE salutes Wizards forward Dominic McGuire, who scored on a dunk last night to break a streak of 116 minutes played without a point.
  • Los Angeles TV and radio personality John Ireland made a hasty bet with James Worthy: if his UCLA Bruins didn’t advance as far as Worthy’s North Carolina Tar Heels in the NCAA Tournament, Ireland would sing the UNC fight song on TV. Bad idea, after the Bruins tanked against Villanova. Here are the unfortunate results - it’s like the drunk guy at karaoke who gets pressured into singing by his friends and spends his whole time on stage planning ways to kill them.
  • YAHOO! SPORTS takes promoter Bob Arum to task for encouraging American fans to attend a fight card in Tijuana this weekend, despite the U.S. government’s warning on travel. Something about armed drug violence turning into a civil war. Bob, I think I’ll catch it on TV instead.
  • Scary stuff for Olympic gymnastic hero Shawn Johnson: NEWSDAY reports that a nutjob armed with two guns and duct tape tried to break into the set of “Dancing with the Stars” and “get to” Johnson and her dancing partner. To be fair, if she wasn’t interested in him, she shouldn’t have been sending subliminal messages to him through the TV and through ESP. Women.
  • Of all the things I would think to impersonate in a scam, a youth soccer referee wouldn’t be one of them. But DIRTY TACKLE says that’s just what some fake ref did in Northern Ireland, convincing three teams to give him a “match fee” before games he never reffed.
  • Apparently the NHL doesn’t like it when a goaltender pushes a referee and then shoots a puck at him: the TORONTO GLOBE AND MAIL says that Martin Gerber of the Toronto Maple Leafs has been suspended three games after going nuts Tuesday against the Washington Captials.
  • The Boston Celtics death spiral continues as the BOSTON GLOBE reports the Magic beat them 84-82 to edge closer to the No. 2 seed in the Eastern Conference. Is it too late to give last year’s MVP to Kevin Garnett since we know now just how much he means to this team?
  • I think it’s fair to say that the Dallas police officer who stopped Houston Texans RB Ryan Moats from being at his dying mother-in-law’s bedside - at the hospital parking lot, over a red light - should not just be suspended or fired, but drawn and quartered. SPORTS RUBBISH has the awful, infuriating details.
  • For some players, spring training is a chance to get in shape; for others, it’s a chance to hit the free buffet in the locker room every day. THE LOVE OF SPORTS looks at the Top 10 Overweight Baseball Players. Maybe they’ll win a free Fifth Third Burger for making it on the list?

Who was the worst former player turned sports executive?

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Wild Week In Review: Sex, Swimsuits & Steroids

• Congratulations to Bar Refaeli for making the cover of this year’s Sports Illustrated Swimsuit Issue.

Bar Refaeli Jeanene Fox

• And we already have a suggestion for next year’s cover girl - Rick Fox’s foxy sister Jeanene.

• But will we soon see full nudity in the sports mag’s annual edition? That could be a reason why the Laker Girls turned down a chance to pose for a SI photoshoot.

• We expected to A-Rod to come out sooner or later, but little did we know it would be about past steroid use. And who spilled the beans first? An alleged SI stalker? His ex-wife? No wonder he needed an escape to the Bahamas with two hottie companions.

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Clips Owner Called Own Team “Poor Black Boys”?

Want to make a lawyer’s ears perk up? Use the phrase “history of racial discrimination” around them, and it’s like asking a dog if they want to go for a walk. If you’re short on breath or time and want the same effect, however, worry not; mentioning Donald Sterling’s name will do just fine as well. As the LOS ANGELES TIMES reports, the owner of the Clippers was just sued by longtime Clippers GM Elgin Baylor, who accused the franchise, Sterling, and team president Andy Roeser of employment discrimination. The NBA’s mentioned too, but it’s Baylor’s allegations about Sterling that should (finally) place the Los Angeles-area real estate mogul under the national scrutiny he so richly deserves.

Elgin Baylor
(Elgin Baylor, probably just hating Sterling, life)

If Donald Sterling’s name rings a vague bell to those outside Southern California, it’s probably due to his reign as the owner of the Clippers, where prior to the past few years he was notorious for maximizing profit at the expense of his teams, routinely unloading players before their level of play would force him to pay top dollar. It worked - for him. But according to Baylor’s lawsuit, Sterling’s motives may not have been strictly monetary; Baylor alleges that what Sterling really wanted, and this is an alleged direct quote, was “the Clippers team to be composed of ‘Poor Black boys from the South’ and a White head coach.” Oh, it gets worse. So worse.

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Magic Extend Redick Contract - Just To Deal Him?

In a move that both stabilizes the warmth of their bench and keeps it from tipping over at the other end from the weight of coach Stan Van Gundy, the Orlando Magic have extended the contract of poet laureate J.J. Redick by adding a fourth-year option.

Redick Mug Shot

At the same time,  the ORLANDO SENTINEL reports some movement may be in the former Duke Blue Devil and DUI arrestee’s future:

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Clippers Flush NBA’s Only Million-Dollar Mascot

The NBA season starts tonight in SoCal, with the Lakers playing the Jazz in Anacrime in a preseason money grab game. Up the 5 Freeway this afternoon, the Clippers, like most of us at the moment, are tightening their financial belt by eliminating the NBA’s only million-dollar mascot (wait, the Phoenix Suns Gorilla makes what?!!).

Elgin Baylor L.A. Clippers Mascot

Team GM Elgin Baylor was cut loose by club owner Donald Sterling, and he’s none to happy about it. Why, I have no idea, as Baylor has been on the free money gravy train for many, many years. He has been the team’s General Manager for the past decade in title only, and had about as much positive impact in the Clips’ court affairs as O.J. Simpson just did in Vegas.

Baylor to the LAT:

“There is a dispute, and on the advice of my attorney they did not want me to discuss it,” Baylor said. “That’s all I can say.”

There’s no truth to the rumor that Baylor has drafted Yale Galanter to make his case in the dispute.

It is kinda sad though that Baylor, who has his former Laker #23 hanging in the Staples Center rafters, won’t be around for Clips games this season. He was a fun, elder statesman type. And a pretty good dude, at least in my dealings with him. And most importantly, symbolic of the lovably futile nature of the NBA’s saddest sack franchise.

But that won’t stop me from hittin’ it with the Clips this season, and My Boy Barry has more season tickets for Clippers and Lakers than anyone on the planet. Including preseason.

Tommy Lasorda

So here in L.A., we’re all waiting for the Jojers and Fightin’ Phils to crank it up on Thursday. Today on local sports talk radio, there was a lot of crowing going on by Dodgers fans as they happily dumped on the fallen Angels. Out of that discussion, I heard the first funny thing come out of Tommy Lasorda’s mouth (kinda) since he claimed he didn’t patronize prostitutes. Read more…

Mike Dunleavy Is So, SO Fired (Not That You Care)

T.J. Simers scores the rarest of exclusives, a wide-ranging interview with L.A.’s most lovable slumlord and purveyor of prostitution, L.A. Clippers Owner Donald T. Sterling. Yippee!

Mike Dunleavy

Sterling immediately drops an H-bomb on Clippers coach Mike Dunleavy and fake GM Elgin Baylor, saying “I want to make L.A. fans proud of this team, but if [Baylor and Dunleavy] can’t make it happen, then I have no choice but to make changes.

Later in the piece, Sterling says Al Thornton will be a good player if “he gets some coaching.” And Corey Maggette would be a better player with “aggressive coaching.

So take one guess why Dunleavy isn’t fired already.

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