The CFL May Actually Have Gone Clinically Insane

Everybody knows by now that things get done a little differently in Canada. The culture barrier is subtle, but distinctive; a Norm MacDonald, after all, could never have come from the USA. That’s why when that fan climbed onto the goalpost during a game earlier this week, people were worried, sure, but not really surprised.

Edmonton Eskimo Shovel
(Hey, maybe it’ll help if I pick this thing up and swing it at my teammate.)

But after yesterday’s narrowly-averted shovel attack involving the Edmonton Eskimos - more on that in just a second, because you’re definitely saying “hang on, shovel attack?” right now - we’re beginning to fear that the entire league’s gone off the meds. Ahead, a brief but sufficient look back.

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Life Expectancy For Pro Linemen? How About 52?

Everyone who straps on the shoulder pads and ties their cleats wants to make it to the NFL one day. That’s where fortunes are made and men who are such athletic freaks of nature that they’re barely classifiable as human are revered. Sure, you’d get hurt, but you’d be good enough at football that you’d dole out some hurting yourself, and plus bones heal anyway, so what’s the big deal, right?

Brain Helmet
(Well, you have to take this guy out, his brain is glowing.)

Well, according to the CBC’S FIFTH ESTATE program, there is, in fact, no big deal–as long as you don’t feel like living much past your fiftieth birthday.

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Phelps Not The Aqua Object of Amanda’s Affection

Michael Phelps apparently needs to work on his social skills & wardrobe.

Michael Phelps Amanda Beard

No wonder Amanda Beard doesn’t want him.

• An Orlando artist bluffs a local magazine into believing that he used to play for the New York Yankees.

• Any Hollywood film studios want to help blow up Texas Stadium?

Hideki Irabu may have beaten up a bartender after chugging down 20 beers, but he did pay his bar tab.

• One CFL coach is a cut above the rest - since he uses a knife at practice.

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Football Coach Motivates Team By Wielding Knife

Football coaches are always reinventing themselves, finding new and interesting ways to motivate their players. Much of that has to do with the competitive nature of the sport — the NFL is often referred to as a copy-cat league, and I’m guessing that the CFL isn’t much different. Teams are quick to adopt a scheme or technique once it proves successful elsewhere. You know, survival of the fittest and all that.

CFL coach wields knife

Which brings us to Don Wnek, Edmonton Eskimos defensive line coach, who is on the cutting edge of coaching techniques. Literally. You see, he motivates his players by wielding a knife.

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