Speed Read: Is Philly Really Ready For A Parade?

Well, it’s been one whole night since Philadelphia has won a major sports championship. I can’t imagine how Philly sports fans are dealing with the drought - based on Wednesday night, I’d guess getting hammered, overturning and then setting fire to a school bus full of children. If they are getting restless, the ticker tape parade is today, but the PHILADELPHIA DAILY NEWS says mayor Michael Nutter has one simple request: don’t “be a jackass.” Next I guess you want Philly fans to stop rooting for the Phillies, Mr. Mayor?

Phillies fans

Also ready to overturn things, but this time in anger - Fox Sports and MLB executives, after the Nielsen ratings showed that the 2008 World Series were the lowest-rated ever. But don’t worry - Fox and Commissioner Bud Selig both want you to know it was all the fault of the weather.

Les Nessman

They weren’t necessarily rioting in the streets of Cincinnati last night - although Thanksgiving is coming up, and that does mean the legendary WKRP Turkey Drop is coming back to downtown! But, beating a ranked team does count for something, even if it was only No. 24 South Florida, who played like turkeys again. (Ha! See what I did there? Professional writer, folks.) I like Bulls’ head coach Jim Leavitt well enough, but another collapse in the second half of the season? Going 8-7 in your last 15 games against FBS opponents is not good.

What is good is being 21 and having $57.4 million in your pocket. That’s what Andrew Bynum has after signing a four-year extension with the Lakers on Thursday. All for a player who has started a whopping 80 games in his career and averaged a shade over seven points per game. But he has that infamous “unlimited upside potential” that Jay Bilas drives into your head each draft, even if this probably means the end for Lamar Odom in LA.

  • The only thing with more comedic potential than Mike Singletary as 49ers head coach? Diego Maradona, new Argentina soccer coach. GOAL.COM reports his first match will be Nov. 19 against Scotland. Given his reputation and history of problems, this is like John Daly being named PGA Tour Commissioner.
  • Diego Maradona tattoo

  • Maradona could probably help the East Timor soccer team - even now as a player, since they are the worst team in the world according to FIFA. So as the NEW YORK TIMES says, they have to feel pretty good about tying Cambodia, their first game ever that they didn’t lose. They were dancing in the streets of…East Timor City? I’m too lazy to Wikipedia that.
  • The MIAMI HERALD has news that Florida might be muzzling linebacker Brandon Spikes and keeping him from commenting on the upcoming Presidential election. Romeo Crennel approves of this concept.
  • The 47-year-old man who was found by paramedics at 47-year-old Isiah Thomas’ house was not breathing when they arrived. The NEW YORK TIMES uses its esteemed powers of reporting to find out from police sources who this mystery man was.
  • The READING EAGLE has word that Joe Paterno is going to get his right hip and leg fixed after this season, and that he plans on returning next season.  Somehow, Paterno is still in better physical shape than Greg Oden.
  • The OCALA STAR BULLETIN reports that former NBA All-Star “Fast” Eddie Johnson has been found guilty of molesting an eight-year-old girl and is facing a mandatory life sentence.
  • Remember way back when Colts vs. Patriots was the highlight of the regular season- like the last four seasons? SI.COM looks at a rivalry in flux.
  • Someone get the NHL marketing team off of the ledge: the PITTSBURGH POST-GAZETTE says that modern-day meal ticket Sidney Cosby’s rib injury suffered last night is minor.

We thought INSERT NAME OF CITY HERE knew how to riot, but which city really knows how to riot after winning a title?

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