Speed Read: Like You Are Working Today Anyway

O Glorious Day! The zenith of nascent spring has arrived! Today, you can call in sick to work (tell them you need to prep for your World Series-winning colonoscopy), crack open a beer before 9:30 am on the West Coast, and stare intently at teenagers in short pants for four straight days without so much as a cocked eyebrow from your loved ones.

Final Four Memphis Tigers fans

(2008 Final Four coverage from SPORTSbyBROOKS)

(Hint: timing’s everything on this one. One weekend in the wrong direction and you’re stuck programming your GPS to stay 200 yards from schools for the next five years.)

Here’s what you need to thrive today:

Television schedule
Watch online
Watch on your iPhone
Nevada Council on Problem Gambling

Final Four Tickets

(2007 teaser from SPORTSbyBROOKS coverage)

Here’s your morning NCAA Men’s Basketball Tournament storylines:

Since you now have a few hours to kill, here’s the hail of bullet points to distract you while considering why you’re getting sex advice from China’s last eunuch (and how they tested for this):

Francisco Rodriguez of Venezuela

Manny Ramirez

Which #1 seed falls first?

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Duke’s Paulus Doesn’t Fear Your Poster Materials

We know Craig Ehlo.  Craig Ehlo is a friend of ours, if by which you mean that he spent a lot of time in our room growing up, both of us looking up at Michael JordanGreg Paulus, you are no Craig Ehlo.  Damned if you’re not trying to convince us, though.

(A full honor-bestowing bow to AWFUL ANNOUNCING)

Duke defeated The U 78-75 in extra time, so the foul shot didn’t affect the outcome poorly for Le Dookers.  Greg Paulus: today’s unwitting sponsor of the “On Means On” movement.  (Oh, and Miami’s Dwayne Collins?  You’re no Jordan.  Nice work, though.)

Skydivers Know Duke, UNC Look Same at 10k Ft.

The University of North Carolina signed up a skydiving duo to drop from the sky before Saturday night’s home opener for the football squad.  (After all, no one’s coming out to see McNeese State.  Not even the McNeese family.  They need to clean their gutters.  You know.  Gutter-cleaning season.  That’s it.)

Unfortunately, the weather was predicted to be rough while the men were in the air, so Kenan Stadium was not cluttered with raining men clutching a game ball.  (We assume they tore down Kel Stadium since no one’s heard from it in ten years.)

Point Break with more football

However, the skydivers spotted an opening in the storm front and agreed to leap just in time for the opening kick.  Unfortunately, the pilot and divers didn’t bother to verify again that the large bowl filled with people below them happened to be the same one they circled earlier.

And that’s how two men with parachutes and a football managed to scare the crap out of Duke and Virginia football players warming up for their game across Research Triangle Park in Durham. The men realized their mistake somewhere past the point of no return and, upon hitting the ground, ran for their lives.
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