Sometimes, all you can ask for is closure. Not revenge or punishment or the eye for the proverbial eye; just enough to begin the healing process.

And so, according to the MIAMI HERALD, the family of Mario Reyes, the man Donte’ Stallworth stands accused of killing in a March DUI accident, have been described by prosecutors as “the primary force” in a plea deal that is expected to be accepted today. And rather than spending years and years in prison, Stallworth may only have a short jail stay:

Cleveland Browns wide receiver Donte’ Stallworth is expected to plead guilty Tuesday to driving drunk when he struck and killed a pedestrian on the MacArthur Causeway in March, The Miami Herald has learned.

Stallworth’s attorney, Christopher Lyons, confirmed that the case was expected to be resolved Tuesday in court. Lyons declined to detail terms of the plea, which are not yet public.

While this is good news for Stallworth and his family, it doesn’t mean his NFL career is back in play; even after the jail stay imposed by the judge, Stallworth will still have to be reinstated by the notoriously unsympathetic Roger Goodell.  This will be a remarkably tough decision for the commissioner; no matter what length of suspension he decides on, it’s still going to be met by (not entirely unreasonable) protests of “Oh, so that’s how many games a human life is worth?”

But all the same, the person who’s really going to be haunted by the specter of death here is Stallworth, not Goodell. That he, even accidentally, killed a fellow man is a fact that will saddle him long after he’s gone from the league.

*UPDATE*: Stallworth gets sentenced to 30 days in jail & two years of house arrest.

Okay, we need a fun story after all that. So, as we warned you earlier, Joe Buck’s talk show career just started last night. And, judging by what AWFUL ANNOUNCING found, it may have ended last night too.

The milquetoast play-by-play announcer for FOX had put together a decent, meh-but-not-terrible first episode, with appearances by Brett Favre (more on him later), Michael Irvin, Chad Ochocinco, and other famous members of the sports world. And then to close it out, he had on longtime friend Paul Rudd, a practically non-existent Jason Sudeikis, and, inexplicably, Artie Lange.

The audio is ludicrously NSFW, but if you’ve got earphones and/or a door to your office, you’ll want to check out Lange single-handedly derailing the show:

And then yes, Favre. Favre Favre Favre. He was the first guest on the show, and allowed make unironic claims like he’s not looking for attention. While he’s on, y’know, a nationally televised talk show. And to his credit, the fact that this is his first public appearance while ESPN has hammered coverage of his dalliance with Vikings management into viewers’ brains (we think Ed Werder’s been tasked with rifling through the trash down at Favre’s ranch in Mississippi) should be noted. That said, this happens every damn year, and it’s so tiresome. Here we are in June, with training camps underway. Teams want to have their summer rosters in place. So is Favre going to play this year? “Maybe.”

(Here we go again.)

Also, the fact that Favre’s first public comments aren’t to ESPN should be noted as well. So rather than think of Favre as a caricature of an attention whore or drama queen or whatever, perhaps it’s best to - yes, we know this is neither fun nor easy - recognize the shades of gray and think that while he knows how easy it is to attract attention after spending two decades in the spotlight,  part of him actually is a country-bred bumpkin from Mississippi who would play football forever if he could.

But then again, we don’t know where the annual retirement charade fits into either side. And how many years in a row is this? Eight? C’mon, man.

Here are more stories to consider as you mourn Shawn Johnson’s euthanization…

• Look, this is clearly not the appropriate forum to discuss the ongoing turmoil in Iran. We’re not nearly qualified enough to comment on it, and that’s not what you’re here to read anyway. That said, if you’re wanting to find out more about watching the seeds of revolution occur in real-time, Andrew Sullivan’s blog is a good place to start. So why even bring it up? Only for the most epic picture in tOSU history, via 11W (click here for higher res, pops):

(Your move, Michigan.)

• YAHOO! SPORTS says Denver’s “troubled” (…by what? His impossible-to-shake ladybeating habit?) wideout Brandon Marshall has contacted Broncos ownership and demanded a trade. This has already prompted the Broncos to acquire Bears WR Brandon Lloyd. So then the Bears are in the market for a WR now? Hmmm… who’s their quarterback, again?
• In the NBA draft, super scorer Jodie Meeks is definitely gone from Kentucky, while Luke Harangody has withdrawn from the draft to return to Notre Dame. Harangody’s decision is strange, especially when you consider the similarly overbulked white guys who have gone on to star in the NBA, such luminaries as, um…
• The federal judge in charge of the Phoenix Coyotes bankruptcy case has rejected their sale to Jim Balsillie, the Canadian billionaire who intended to move the franchise to Hamilton. This is a victory of sorts for the NHL and Gary Bettman, who has incredibly poor judgment.
• UCLA held another Undie Run, and why yes, we do have video, thanks to JERSEYCHASER.COM. And wait, is that Kevin Love?

• According to the CELTICS BLOG, Boston GM Danny Ainge is reportedly shopping Kendrick Perkins and Bill Walker to Memphis GM Chris Wallace for the #2 pick in the draft. The Celtics aren’t actually that enamored with anybody in the draft; they just want to see first-hand how easy it is to rip off Chris Wallace.
• Mostapha Al-Turk wants to appeal the loss handed (fingered?) to him by Mirko Cro Cop in UFC 99 this past weekend. We can think of at least one reason why Dana White thinks this is a good idea.
• Speaking of MMA, as CAGEWRITER notes, ESPN may want to choose their words just a bit more judiciously when it comes to describing Wanderlei Silva:
• Orlando’s 2010 hopes take a hit as the ORLANDO SENTINEL reports Hedo Turkoglu will opt out of his contract and file for free agency. It’s a shame; Dwight Howard is the “face” of the franchise, but anyone who watched the Magic’s playoff run could tell Turkoglu was the MVP of the team.
• Earth to Joe Morgan: People can fact-check you now really easily. Stop making things up.

It’s pretty much a given fact of life that Zach Randolph is bad at things. We mean everything. If Zach were tasked to build a car out of Legos, he would end up handing you a dead fish covered in asbestos and lead paint. So when he decided to get sensationally drunk (on a Sunday night - that’s a school night, pal!) and get behind the wheel of his Bentley, well, you probably already know how that ended up.

(Paging PHOTOSHOP DISASTERS, you’re wanted on line 4…)

As TMZ reports, Randolph got popped for a DUI last night, raising the total amount of DUIs by athletes to infinityleven. Seriously, how does this still happen? Zach Randolph makes almost $17 million per year. He can afford a limousine. Hell, he can afford a limo made of cocaine, platinum, and leprechaun femurs. At no point should he ever have to get behind the wheel of any car, drunk or not, for the rest of his life.

But he did anyway, despite having been busted for DUI before, and just like every time he tries to do something, he drove drunk poorly: Read more…

It was an incredibly tumultuous night in Cleveland, and the Cavaliers losing to the Wizards was the least shocking news of the night. (Although as the WASHINGTON POST’s Michael Lee points out, Washington joins the Lakers and Celtics as the only teams to beat Cleveland twice this season.) Yes, it’s not often that the best team in the league loses to the worst team in the league, but the Wizards are a unique case, with Gilbert Arenas and Brendan Haywood finally back playing after missing almost all of the season with injuries.

No, most of the evening drama in Cleveland involved the Browns. First came some fallout from Jay Cutler’s trade to the Bears, specifically reports that Cleveland had tried to work out a three-way deal with the Broncos and Redskins that would have sent Brady Quinn to Denver and Jason Campbell to Cleveland. Browns coach Eric Mangini spent Thursday night denying these reports; expect Quinn to demand a trade because the Browns tried to trade him sometime within the next week.

And later in the evening, there was news in the DUI manslaughter case against Browns WR Donte Stallworth, and it was more than just his first appearance at a court hearing. It turns out that Stallworth was already in the NFL’s substance abuse program at the time of his arrest, which opens him up to a whole range of punishment from the league. Of course, he’s facing charges that could land him in jail for at least eight years, and having a history of substance abuse issues is not going to help his case, so I’d say that Roger Goodell is the least of Stallworth’s problems right now.

Meanwhile, there were no problems at the opening of the Hard Rock Cafe Yankee Stadium yesterday, just a lot of unintentional comedy as reported by MLB.COM. What do I mean? How about Yankees’ Executive Vice President Hal “The Pretty One” Steinbrenner joining rock stars/C-list celebs with nothing better to do Ace Frehley of KISS, Scott Ian and Frank Bello of Anthrax, Darryl “DMC” McDaniels, Bernie Williams and members of the Seminole Nation to smash guitars instead of cutting a ribbon. And yes, this means rock and roll is officially dead.

(Oh yeah, “Late Show With David Letterman” band drummer Anton Fig was there, which only means one thing: even Paul Shaffer had too much dignity to show up to this thing.)

Other news while you were rioting in the streets of State College to celebrate Penn State’s NIT victory:

• As PUCK DADDY notes, it must be like getting their hearts ripped out all over again for Hartford Whalers fans to see a Hurricanes jersey with the Whalers’ logo (and a God awful color combination). Although I’d love it if the Ravens wore Browns jerseys for “Turn Back The Clock” day against Cleveland.



• While the Jay Cutler trade solved one long-running NFL saga, the Anquan Boldin/Arizona Cardinals mess continues to fester. The latest comes from NFL.COM which reports that Boldin told a Florida radio station that he would “love to” play in his home city of Miami.
• I had hoped that the America’s Cup had gone the way of 1980s fads like The Lambada, Swatches and The California Raisins. But apparently it’s still happening, and it’s now the focus of lawsuits involving people with more money than they know what to do with. The AP has the latest news, as software tycoon Larry Ellison and his boat “Oracle” have won the right to challenge the current Cup holders, Judge Elihu Smails and his boat “The Flying Wasp” (seen below at its coronation):
  

• It looks like things are going anything but “perfect” for former Cincinnati ace Tom Browning: THE NEWS & OBSERVER reports the Reds have dropped him as the pitching coach for the Carolina Mudhens after he was arrested on Friday for failure to pay child support.
• If you’re a former NFL player who gets arrested on drug charges, you would hope that the headlines wouldn’t call you “forgettable.” But that’s just how NBC DALLAS FORT WORTH described former Cowboy Leonardo Carson, arrested yesterday on intent to sell charges, and I’ll be damned if they aren’t right.
• Now that Tim Floyd has turned down Arizona, TUCSON CITIZEN columnist Anthony Gimino wants to know if there’s anyone left who wants the Wildcats’ coaching job. May I make a suggestion: Former Baylor coach Dave Bliss is available and ready to talk. Sure, he’s got a checkered past, but the guy knows how to win. Barring that, perhaps Jerry Tarkanian is available.
• Sports is creeping its way into politics in Los Angeles, as the LOS ANGELES DAILY NEWS reports that City Attorney candidate Carmen Trutanich is being ripped by his opponent and NOW for successfully representing former USC defensive back Eric Wright on rape charges in 2005.
• I can’t imagine why parents in Shenendehowa, NY are upset to find out that a part-time track coach had his teaching license revoked 11 years ago after an alleged sexual abuse case. WTEN-TV says that while Don Paretta was not convicted, he admitted to giving a former student a note at graduation saying he would “miss the student’s face and body.” And this guy coached pole vaulting: let the jokes commence.
• According to the NEWARK STAR-LEDGER, Boston College DT B.J. Raji - a projected Top 10 pick in the NFL Draft - committed a crime worse than scoring single digits on the Wonderlic test: he reportedly flunked a drug test at the NFL Combine.
• Finally, HOME RUN DERBY sends a hearty congratulations to Manatee Community College, which defeated the Pittsburgh Pirates 6-4 yesterday. Yes, those Pittsburgh Pirates, as in the “allegedly major league Pirates.” Bill Mazeroski would be rolling in his grave, if he were dead.

The MIAMI HERALD is reporting that Cleveland Browns receiver Donte Stallworth will be charged with DUI manslaughter, stemming from a car accident last month that killed a Miami Beach pedestrian.

A source told the Herald that the charges against Stallworth will be formally filed on Wednesday afternoon. Meanwhile, a second source told that paper that blood tests have shown that Donte had a blood alcohol content of 0.12 following the MacArthur Causeway crash that killed 59-year-old Mario Reyes. Video we posted about earlier showed Stallworth undergoing sobriety tests while paramedics attended to a fatally injured Reyes.

Stallworth, who previously played for the Patriots, Eagles and Saints, is said to be preparing to surrender to authorities.

• Kevin McHale auditions for the lead role in “Not-So-Young Frankenstein“.

• Speaking of monsters, Kobe’s former maid says she’s taken too much crap from the Laker star’s little missus, Vanessa Bryant.

• The NCAA women’s tournament is a sham, a mockery … a shamockery!

• More news in the Donte Stallworth situation: The receiver said he flashed his headlights at the pedestrian he soon it, who wasn’t in a crosswalk.

• An entire Argentinian soccer team gets ejected after fighting with fans.

Read more…

Miami Beach police are slowly releasing more details about receiver Donte Stallworth’s fatal accident with a pedestrian last month, and things aren’t looking any better for the Browns’ oft-injured pass catcher. That means that just when Stallworth appears to be getting a break, a new wrinkle makes it look like his action was even more crass than originally thought.

(Does “flashing” a rushing pedestrian really equate to adequate warning?)

According to the ASSOCIATED PRESS, Stallworth hit 59-year-old Mario Reyes in the far left lane of the six-lane MacArthur Causeway, where Stallworth was speeding by 10 miles-per-hour at 7 o’clock on a Sunday morning. Believe it or not, that’s actually better than the original story, which held that Reyes was hit within the road’s crosswalk. Yet the much more troubling detail coming out is that Stallworth claims he “flashed his car’s headlights” to warn Reyes before running him down in the road.

Naturally, that begs a pretty obvious question: How could Stallworth have time to recognize there was a man in front of him, with his muscle memory triggering a warning flash of his headlights (a motor response that would take at least a second or two) but not have time to react by breaking with full power and swerving to avoid contact? As far as we can tell, there’s no reason.

Read more…

• Fake rain: Reggie Bush & Kim Kardashian toss out some money to Miami clubgoers - only to quickly grab it all back.

• Oh, baby: Candace Parker’s pregnancy has produced a couple of nice C-Cups for the WNBA star, while Dwight Howard’s ex-girlfriend shows up at a Magic game with his 1-year-old son.

• Meanwhile, Jenna Jameson is the proud mama of Tito Ortiz’s twins.

• Speaking of nice pairs, say hello to this flirty Florida Panthers fan.

• The AVP’s new ad campaign features some nice assets. And it’s all thanks to the volleyball tour’s new “Apprentice”-competing, Playboy-posing V.P.

Read more…

It looks like a lot of bad news is going to come raining down on Donte Stallworth very soon. As we reported earlier this week, the Browns wide receiver struck and killed a pedestrian with his car this past weekend, and video at the scene showed police giving him a field sobriety test. Now sources close to the investigation are telling multiple media outlets - including the MIAMI HERALD - that Stallworth was legally drunk at the time of the crash.

PRO FOOTBALL TALK reported earlier in the week that prosectors had been operating under the assumption that Stallworth was legally drunk and had already starting preparing their indictment for DUI manslaughter, which WSVN-TV says carries with it a 15-year sentence and mandatory jail time even if a plea deal is reached.

Read more…

O Glorious Day! The zenith of nascent spring has arrived! Today, you can call in sick to work (tell them you need to prep for your World Series-winning colonoscopy), crack open a beer before 9:30 am on the West Coast, and stare intently at teenagers in short pants for four straight days without so much as a cocked eyebrow from your loved ones.

(2008 Final Four coverage from SPORTSbyBROOKS)

(Hint: timing’s everything on this one. One weekend in the wrong direction and you’re stuck programming your GPS to stay 200 yards from schools for the next five years.)

Here’s what you need to thrive today:

Television schedule
Watch online
Watch on your iPhone
Nevada Council on Problem Gambling

(2007 teaser from SPORTSbyBROOKS coverage)

Here’s your morning NCAA Men’s Basketball Tournament storylines:

• UNC guard Ty Lawson will not play against Radford in the first round.  Please adjust your money line bets accordingly.
• However, Michael Jordan’s son will likely play more for Illinois during the tourney due to injuries.  (Odd how MJ doesn’t even provide a drop quote for his son to the NEW YORK TIMES, leaving all the talking to Mom.)
• And Levance Fields feels much better, making him available for Pitt.
• Mike Krzyzewski got his back out of whack when he heard President Obama didn’t even pick Duke to go to the Final Four.  (Worse: he picked Lawson’s team to win it all.) Don’t get excited, Coach K… he did pick your team to be prepared for a little thing called “life”.
• Gus Johnson will call games in Memphis with as much gusto as he calls out bad service in a restaurant: loudly enough to get handcuffed.
• Finally, if you haven’t filled out your brackets yet, follow our advice: you can never go wrong shaking the Big Ten teams off your sheet like Mateen Cleaves works a towel.

Since you now have a few hours to kill, here’s the hail of bullet points to distract you while considering why you’re getting sex advice from China’s last eunuch (and how they tested for this):

• The United States lost to Venezuela 10-6 in second-round WBC action with slightly more meaning than a rerun of “Maude” since both teams had already advanced to the semifinals.
• More pressing: why aren’t you all out there supporting the U.S. squad? Don’t you know Tommy Lasorda said you’d go to hell if you didn’t cheer loudly enough? (And does this make the U.S. team a Bizarro Tinkerbell?)
• If you want to see what poor support at home looks like, follow Cuba back to the island after they were eliminated by Japan in a repeat of the 2006 final.

• Continuing the international baseball thread, Manny Ramirez and his balky hamstring enjoyed the game of cricket yesterday in the desert. Four out of five doctors agree that many ailments can be cured or temporarily assuaged by applying an appearance fee to the affected area.
• As always, you can stop Mexican drug wars temporarily if the local soccer team does well.
• If you’re a referee, you’d probably rather not have a potential replay rule change named after you. Too bad, Ed Hochuli.
• Donté Stallworth is very sorry that someone died.
• Grandpa Warner has hip surgery. His helmet next season will come with a radio and a hearing aid.
• Things are getting interesting in New York City sports talk radio. And by “interesting”, we of course mean “catty”.
• The Cubs are retiring the number shared by Fergie Jenkins and Greg Maddux. Cubs fans would have settled for retiring Dallas Green before letting Maddux escape to Atlanta in his prime.
• Also, you don’t apparently have to live near the USOC to lay off 13 percent of your staff. And we doubted the USOC CEO!

• Dwayne Johnson, a.k.a. The Rock, comes clean about past steroid use. Show him all’s forgiven by paying $14 to see “Race To Witch Mountain”!

• Lenny Dykstra - great boss, financial genius, and friend of all races. And if you believe that, there’s a bridge in Brooklyn we’d like to sell you.

• It’s March Madness time! Awkward high-five between old white guys!

• Despite his marvelous on-court skills, Dwyane Wade won’t be schoolin’ anyone in Miami this year.

• New video shows Donte Stallworth taking a sobriety test after last weekend’s car accident that killed a pedestrian.

Read more…