Cops Cleared in Beating of Donald Driver’s Father

It looked bad last month when Houston police were accused of beating Donald Driver’s father after a routine traffic stop. This, I suppose, is why though the media is allowed to jump to conclusions, the legal system isn’t allowed to. The three police officers have been cleared, and Marvin Driver Jr.’s claims were found to be baseless, according to an internal review.

Donald Driver

Medical information did not point to a recent beating, and two independent witnesses did not observe any altercation, according to the report. The officers have been returned to active duty, but this does not preclude a civil suit. Still, take with a grain of salt accusations made by anyone through a spokesman named Quanell X.

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Mormon Moms Hoping For Olympic Pole Positions

• Some exercising ladies in Utah are working out their chances to make pole dancing … er, “pole fitness” an Olympic sport.

Pole Dancing class

(”London, here we come!“)

• What happens when an LSU student reporter visits the Tigers’ tailgate dressed in Alabama gear? Let’s watch.

• Them’s fightin’ words: Ex-Viking Troy Williamson would like to “duke it out” with current Viking coach Brad Childress.

• A 12-year-old British kid gets his life of hooliganism started early.

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Houston Police Assault Donald Driver’s Father?

You’ll have to excuse Packers WR Donald Driver if he decides to fly down to Houston instead of play football this weekend. His father, Marvin Driver, is still hospitalized after being beaten into unconsciousness during an arrest over traffic tickets. Family members and a community activist allege that Marvin was in “perfect condition” when the officers arrived, but sometime after that, while in police custody, the 56-year-old man was beaten so severely that he was admitted to a local hospital in critical condition and listed as “unresponsive.”

Donald Driver Packers Charity Softball Event
(We really do not recommend putting a bat anywhere near Donald Driver and the police officers right now.)

There are no pleasant details about the incident; there never are. But as the HOUSTON CHRONICLE reports, the circumstances surrounding this alleged assault paint the officers involved in a particularly unsavory light: Read more…

Speed Read: Ball State Still Perfect, Still Screwed

It’s official: Ball State is the real deal. At least, as real as a win against a team called the Chippewas can make a team, but still: going on the road to take out a tough opponent like Central Michigan is tough. But the Cardinals pulled it off, winning 31-24 behind 177 yards rushing from Quale Lewis, keeping them perfect at 11-0 and keeping them on track for…the Motor City Bowl.

Ball State after defeating Central Michigan

Because no matter if the Cardinals win out, they aren’t getting an automatic BCS berth ahead of Utah, Boise State and BYU. And even if, say, Boise State loses a game, and USC wins the PAC-10 outright, freeing up another at-large spot, the choice for a BCS bowl would likely come down to a non-BCS school or Ohio State, and guess who wins that battle? (Unless the Buckeyes get upset by Michigan this weekend. Please stop laughing now.)

So yeah, another reason to hate Ohio State - not only did they ruin the last two BCS Title games, but now they are ruining things for Ball State. I know that Hawaii totally tanked last year against Georgia, but come on - wouldn’t you rather see Ball State in the Sugar Bowl against, say, Alabama than Ohio State?

Speaking of Cardinals…just as Arizona fans were starting to enjoy their team’s prosperity and start thinking about home playoff games, here comes a giant mess down the I-10. In this case, the ARIZONA REPUBLIC reports that it’s disgruntled running back Edgerrin James, who apparently wants to be released but the team won’t let him go. His agent Drew Rosenhaus maintains that he won’t be a distraction.

Edgerrin James

Since this is Drew Rosenhaus saying this, let me translate for you, Cardinals fans: this is going to be a massive, season-crushing distraction. Glad I could help. I still don’t know what team would be interested in a running back who is an old, beat-up 30 but plays about 40. Unless the Detroit Lions are in the market.

Finally, let’s transition from the unethical oiliness of Drew Rosenhaus (when a character based on you is so loathsome and unlikable that they need Jay Mohr to play you, that’s not a good mark on your character) to someone on the moral high ground: golfer J.P. Hayes. You might have heard that he DQed himself from PGA Tour Qualifying School after realizing that he had accidentally used a prototype ball during a round.

That’s pretty impressive moral fiber - it’s better than how I felt when I found someone’s wallet and resisted the urge to use their Shell gas card to by smokes even though I was broke and totally need some.

ESPN.COM’s Jason Sobel speculates that Hayes’ good sportsmanship could bring some good karma, as tournament sponsors will likely be lining up to offer the two-time Tour winner exemptions into their tournaments.

Other sports miscellanea from overnight:

  • KTRK-TV passes along word that those Texas cheerleaders who are accused of using feces to haze the JV squad have been indicted and are facing trial. Looks like something’s really hit the fan for them.
  • Morton Ranch High School cheerleaders

  • Top Rank boxing promoter Todd duBoef rips the ending to the Randy Couture vs. Brock Lesnar UFC Heavyweight Title fight, telling the LOS ANGELES TIMES that it looked “nothing more than a tough man contest” and that there is “no way it’s safer than boxing.” UFC President Dana White responds by telling the MMA EXPERTS BLOG that Top Rank chief Bob Arum is “95 years old and senile.” Let’s give this round to White, 10-8.
  • How does Mike Mussina plan on celebrating his first-ever 20-win season? Ken Rosenthal of FOX says he’ll do so by retiring.
  • Want tickets to the big Utah vs. BYU game? How about coughing up $1,600 each, asks the DESERET NEWS? I guess when you don’t drink, your have to spend the beer money somewhere.
  • The HOUSTON CHRONICLE says that Donald Driver’s father is in critical condition, two days after he was allegedly beaten by cops arresting him on outstanding traffic warrants. A family spokesman says one of the cops may have gone to school with the Packers’ WR and held a grudge.
  • The U.S. breezes past Guatemala 2-0 to finish up the semifinal round of World Cup qualifying. But as GOAL.COM notes, the big story is that Freddy Adu (is he really still only 19?) scored his first goal for the National Team during the match on a rather impressive free kick:
  • Toronto probably aren’t getting the Bills any time soon - in fact, FOOD COURT LUNCH thinks the NFL is going to London before Toronto. So they’ve provided their Canadian brethren with a handy British lingo guide.
  • What do you have in common with the NFL? You both probably want 49ers coordinator Mike Martz to shut up: CBS SPORTSLINE says he was fined $20,000 by the league for whining about a “quick spot” of the ball on the team’s final play against the Cardinals a few weeks ago.
  • The CHARLESTON CITY PAPER notes that four Charleston Southern football players are charged with allegedly robbing a couple at gunpoint for a whopping $35.
  • The TENNESSEAN reports that eight players from a Knoxville high school football team were arrested in a shoplifting ring that involved $9,000 in stolen merchandise, putting their status for their playoff game this week in doubt. Do you think?

Which rivalry game are you most interested in watching this week?

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Donald In Driver’s Seat of Favre’s Charity Ballgame

Guess Brett Favre’s retirement must really be final - His charity softball game has been taken over by a teammate.

Donald Driver Packers Charity Softball Event

(Donald Driver takes a swing at hosting Brett Favre’s charity softball game)

The MILWAUKEE JOURNAL SENTINEL pitches up news that Packers receiver Donald Driver decided to step up to the plate to keep the annual Father’s Day event going. Favre had hosted the softball game for the past eight years, but Packer backers were fearful that the game would be called after Brett said bye-bye back in March. Read more…

Manhunt On For Lambeau Creep Who Grabbed Ruvell Martins Junk

LAMBEAU CREEP - MANHUNT FOR INFAMOUS PACKER PERV: There’s a desperate manhunt going on in Wisconsin. John Jagler of Milwaukee’s WTMJ-AM is searching for the man “who grabbed Packers Wide Receiver Ruvell Martin’s junk at Sunday’s game against the Vikings“:

Ruvell Martin Crotch Grabbed By Fan

Packers receiver Donald Driver told Jagler Tuesday night that “what happened to Ruvell ‘just ain’t right’ and says it’s the talk of the lockerroom.

Ruvell Martin Crotch Grabbed By Fan

The season ticket holder is probably from Milwaukee, so the first person who provides information leading to the arrest and conviction of the penis poacher will be rewarded with two tickets to a Milwaukee Bucks game. The second person? Four tickets to a Bucks game.