Yesterday, we told you about the rather disturbing actions of Miguel Cabrera, who took time out of his team’s dwindling pennant race to get loaded beyond belief, then get involved in a domestic disturbance with his wife - one that ended with him sporting a scratch on his face, and her telling the police that he’d hit her. Not good.
This all started with a sensational binge on Friday night/Saturday morning at the Townsend hotel’s bar in Cabrera’s city of residence, Birmingham (Michigan, mind you, not Alabama). That’s where Cabrera imbibed well enough to blow a .260 by 6 a.m… and it’s also where Cabrera had apparently been instructed to not set foot in ever again, after going apes**t this August and threatening an overweight 15-year-old with the prospect of gun murder. Yes, really.
It’s hard to imagine a worse way for Miguel Cabrera’s weekend to have gone this past Saturday, short of criminal charges being filed. It’s bad enough that Cabrera - the Tigers’ main source of power in the lineup - is mired in a 1-14 mini-slump at the worst imaginable time for the team, what with a one-game playoff looming tomorrow. No, the off-the-field behavior is making things a lot worse.
Prior to Saturday’s game, reporters had noticed a prominent scratch on the side of Cabrera’s head, a scratch Miggy had attributed to a “large dog” before tersely changing the subject. As you can imagine, that’s probably not at all what happened - or if his dog really did attack him, it’s only because Cabrera was blind drunk and involved in a domestic dispute that had his wife calling 911 for help at 6 that morning.
August 26, 2009. Denver, Colorado. Broncos training camp:
Denver Broncos receiver Brandon Marshall puts up the most half-hearted attempt at competition in recent sporting history at a Broncos training camp practice. His total lack of effort makes Richie Tenenbaum look like the Tasmanian Devil on crack cocaine. It also accomplishes the unusual task of forcing the team to suspend the receiver for insubordination, and any casual observer of the footage would agree that coach Josh McDaniels had no choice but to do so.
Unbeknownst to Marshall, Broncos team doctors are also mad scientists, and during practice the men were perfecting the chronomorphotron, which allows for travel backwards and forwards through time. Like you didn’t already know that. So after being sent off the field by coaches, Marshall wanders through a curiously empty locker room. He’s angry and looking for things to hit. He sees one stall with a closed door - most don’t even have doors - and the nameplate of a teammate he doesn’t recognize: “T. Machine.” He opens it, looking for things to throw. He finds a whole new world.
Inside the stall are dials, buttons, gadgets and gauges. Most importantly, there’s a panel on the inside of the door with date, latitude, and longitude. Marshall, thinking they’re sports scores or something, randomly tweaks everything in site before hitting “SEND.” This is his journey.
So one of Nick Saban’s star players is sitting in the Tuscaloosa County Jail, and if that was never the title of a Johnny Cash song, it certainly should have been. But here’s a twist that would have surprised even the Man in Black — not only is Alabama linebacker Courtney Upshaw locked in the hoosegow, but his girlfriend is as well. And guess who the young lady’s dad is supporting? Yep, the boyfriend.
Sometimes team loyalty is thicker than blood, especially in the SEC. Both Upshaw and his girlfriend, Kendall Gryzb, were arrested on Wednesday on the UA campus in what police say was a domestic violence dispute in the parking lot of the Student Recreation Center. Look, we could go on all day about who pulled whose hair and who slapped who in the face. Suffice it to say that there was plenty of both; and according to witnesses, Gryzb gave as good as she got. Read more…
All right kids, it’s time to take out your WTFmeters. This is not a drill. I think we’re about to hit Ludicrous WTF.
(Can’t you put some, um, foundation on that?)
Yes, that’s West Virginia (via KSU and, most notably, Cincinnati) head coach Bob Huggins. He’s traded in his gold suit for two black eyes, it seems, which hardly seems like suitable attire for the banquet he’s attending.
It’s not fair to judge someone on facts that aren’t on the public record. To that end, recently, all we’ve actually known about Brandon Marshall was that he’s a prodigious talent at receiver for the Broncos, that he was recently arrested for the fourth time, and that prior to the fourth arrest, the NFL only saw fit to suspend him for one game.
(Wait, why is his ex-girlfriend on TV and crying? That can’t be good.)
That’s all out the window, following ESPN’s report on OUTSIDE THE LINES this Sunday. In an avalanche of evidence that includes police reports, 911 calls, and an emotional interview with ex-girlfriend Rasheedah Watley, OTL presented a timeline of extensive domestic abuse by Marshall, detailing no fewer than 13 separate incidents in which the police have gotten involved with Marshall.
So, about that Internet thing - pretty cool, huh? You can do a lot with it, I hear. You can buy records, rent videotapes, watch remastered episodes of “ALF” - in other words, you can do ANYTHING on the Internet. It’s really revolutionized the way we communicate with friends, fans, and loved ones. In short, the Internet is awesome. Of course, there’s also a dark side to the internet, especially for idiots. There are people who forget that anything you post on the internet is printed in (metaphorical!) stone, forever for everyone to see.
So if you’re cheating on your wife with a Facebook friend, like Atlanta Falcons Quinn Ojinnaka allegedly may have been, and you post little love notes on the internet, someone might end up seeing them. Like your wife. For the modern adulterer, there are many paths to choose when handling such a situation. Beating up your wife, however, is not a recommended course of action. Guess which path Ojinnaka took?
Jelena Dokic’s father has long been the poster boy for crazy sports parents. Banned from the Australian Open for alleging conspiracies, kicked out of the US Open for complaining about the cost of lunch, kicked out of Wimbledon for drunkenly smashing a broadcaster’s cell phone. A French Open tantrum, and he’ll have completed the grand slam. Now we learn that his behavior was much worse than anyone realized.
Jelena Dokic says that her father Damir physically abused her while he was her coach, and that she fled her family in 2002 to escape the violence. So, you know, next time you hear an athlete complain about 6 a.m. practices, tell them to shut the hell up.
If domestic violence were a sport, the NFL would be chock-full of two-sport athletes. Steelers WR Santonio Holmes would own the speed record, allegedly assaulting the mother of his 18-week-old child. Longtime QB Warren Moon was a gamechanger, successfully arguing that choking his wife into unconsciousness was just “restraining her.” And Broncos WR Brandon Marshall’s got to be the iron man of abuse; why, he’s probably assaulted his girlfriend twice since you started reading this.
My point is, it’s tough to stand out in a crowded field of NFL domestic violence perpetrators. So give props to the Oakland Raiders’ Cornell Green, who scored headlines and style points with an innovative new way to beat the mother of his children: with a mop.
Mug shot goodness, after the jump.
Steelers running back Najeh Davenport, renowned for his skills in hamper defecation, has recently gotten himself into some trouble for allegedly slapping and punching his baby momma, Anita Pearson. But now he can wipe his behind and his record clean, as he was acquitted of the misdemeanor charges of domestic violence, child endangering and unlawful restraint, the ASSOCIATED PRESS reports.
“I never kicked her, hit her … punched her or slapped her, she’s making that up,” he told jurors.