It’s Come to This: NASCAR’s Gone Medieval On Us

A gathering of like-minded enthusiasts coalescing from faraway lands and camping out to see gladiators duke it out on a vast battlefield where one wrong twist can send the warrior or his steed to their death: is that a NASCAR race or the Renaissance Faire?  It depends; which one charges an insane amount for tickets?

Aarons 499 crash at Talladega

(Admit it: this pileup would be even more awesome with horses)

One scholar has posited that NASCAR has become the latter-day jousting tournament, taking the place of the sport lost to time once hand-to-hand combat disappeared in favor of gunplay, a la Indiana Jones. Of course, this can logically lead to only one conclusion, disturbing as it may be: Digger is the modern incarnation of Merlin.

Let’s go racin’, forsooth?

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Speed Read: NFL Commish Feels Your Fiscal Pain

Quiet night in sports as the NBA gears up for the All-Star weekend in Phoenix (first round of stories: “Hey, it gets cold in the desert!”).  Therefore, coverage this morning will be 20-25% less sports-y.  This is in honor of NFL Commisioner Roger Goodell taking a pay freeze this year and trimming his bonus from last year to drop his 2008 pay by roughly a quarter.

Roger Goodell

“The commissioner believes it will take a collective sacrifice of everyone to get through this difficult economic environment.” The commish is wise.  However, the commish will certainly have a better case for the uncapped year coming up and the next CBA negotiations by showing “fiscal responsibility” now.  Also, the layoff of 15% of league staff in NYC might be a little more palatable.

Darren McFadden, Bay Area savior and Al Davis’ last good idea, had his shoulder ’scoped last month, but no one knew his shoulder was injured.  Not only that, but he went back to his college doctor to have the procedure done.  We’re not suggesting this was a good idea, but Al Davis’ medical plan for the Raiders consists mostly of leeches and bromide.  Hey, it’s worked for him…

Al Davis

(ARISE AND BE HEALED)

Here’s something to chew on since you can’t chew on your world record fingernails anymore…

My God, it takes longer to leak PED names than to take a leak for a drug test. When will we finally see those 103 other names from 2003’s MLB positive test list?

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NASCAR Cartoon Gopher To Take Over The World

From the creator of the glowing hockey puck and Scooter, the animated baseball, comes the fresh hell that is Digger, the cartoon NASCAR gopher.

Digger


Apparently deserving of a NEW YORK TIMES profile,
Digger is all the rage among the car-racing-kiddie set. Offering analysis, merchandising possibilities, and soon his own animated show, he’s just one more reason for those of us who are confused and resentful of NASCAR’s popularity to laugh. You say you haven’t  been properly introduced to the little furry bastard?

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