A few months back, during a Bill Simmons podcast, Marc Stein pointed out that NBA players are the single most auspicious group of consumers in professional sports, and that everything they purchase is judged as a sign of status. Stein cited cars, jewelry, and even suits; we’re pretty sure it’s safe to include tattoos on this list.
(Incidentally, every reporter there was asking him what the hell he was thinking.)
For proof, look no further than Washington Wizard DeShawn Stevenson. The sharp-shooting guard has always had a demonstrative streak about him, but he’s reached absurd new heights with the tattoos he unveiled today. Put it this way: Stevenson turned his neck into a 5-dollar bill, and that might not be the weirdest ink above his shoulders.
“I think I do enough things off the court that keep me relevant,” says Agent Zero, as the universe nods its head in agreement. From calling the Cavaliers “a bad NCAA team,” to how running off at the mouth is great PR for the Wizards, to a so-insane-it’s-brilliant comparison of the NBA to a tree, Arenas proves once again that if he’s not crazy, he might just be too smart for the rest of us mortals to comprehend him. (Our savior speaks, after the jump.)
The list of Jay-Z beefs (as the kids call them) is long and illustrious. Among them are such stalwarts as Nas, R. Kelly, and Cam’Ron. But Jay seems to be getting a little soft in his old age. First, he got fired from his job. Now he’s taking shots at mediocre, non-superstar basketball players.
DeShawn Stevenson really needs to work on his taunting. During Game 2 last night against the Cavaliers, the Wizards player had just knocked down a three, when he proceeded to blow on his fingers as if he’s “on fire“:
Just one problem - even after Stevenson’s shot, his team was still down by 16. And DeShawn’s superego was quickly extinguished, when LeBron James immediately answered with his own three. Then Marv Albert shared some fun facts that made D.S.’ taunt look even more like B.S.
Steve Buckhantz is an excitable guy. The Washington Wizards play-by-play man made another thrilling call that’s sure to be shown on SportsCenter highlights for hours to come.
During Monday night’s Wizard-Hornets game, Hilton Armstrong had just tied the game for New Orleans with 7.3 seconds remaining. With no time outs left, DeShawn Stevenson raced down the length of the court and tossed up the game-winning 3:
Or as Buckhantz bellowed - “DAGGER!!!“
But it’s not the first time Steve had such a screaming fit at the final buzzer. Read more…
Butler: “Before every game at Connecticut, I drank a two-liter of Mountain Dew. I’m dead serious. Ask my wife what she would have to go get me before a game. I’d be like, ‘Hey, stop by the 7-11, bring me a two-liter.’“I’d be wired. I’d drink half [before the game], and then I’d drink half at halftime. Because, you know, it shoots you up. And then there’s a down, and you’re flat-lining, and you’ve got to go back up again. That’s what I’ve been doing, but they don’t want me to drink it any more. They done took my Mountain Dew from me.”
The Washington Wizards officially banned Butler from Doing The Dew two months ago, which also of course means no more skydiving, snowboarding - and dating underage teenies (so he won’t be hitting the food court at the mall with teammate DeShawn Stevenson until the offseason).