DeShawn Stevenson Shows Off His Frankentattoo

A few months back, during a Bill Simmons podcast, Marc Stein pointed out that NBA players are the single most auspicious group of consumers in professional sports, and that everything they purchase is judged as a sign of status. Stein cited cars, jewelry, and even suits; we’re pretty sure it’s safe to include tattoos on this list.

DeShawn Stevenson Tattoos
(Incidentally, every reporter there was asking him what the hell he was thinking.)

For proof, look no further than Washington Wizard DeShawn Stevenson. The sharp-shooting guard has always had a demonstrative streak about him, but he’s reached absurd new heights with the tattoos he unveiled today. Put it this way: Stevenson turned his neck into a 5-dollar bill, and that might not be the weirdest ink above his shoulders.

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Arenas: Cavs a Bad NCAA Team, NBA Like a Tree

Rest easy, sports fans. Some of you have been concerned that, between his recent knee surgery and heartbreakingly discussing his painful upbringing, that Gilbert Arenas had mellowed out a bit. But he’s back in full force, with a wide-ranging interview in DIME that should reassure even the most apostate Gilbertologist that the patron saint of crazy hasn’t lost a step.

Gilbert Arenas

“I think I do enough things off the court that keep me relevant,” says Agent Zero, as the universe nods its head in agreement. From calling the Cavaliers “a bad NCAA team,” to how running off at the mouth is great PR for the Wizards, to a so-insane-it’s-brilliant comparison of the NBA to a tree, Arenas proves once again that if he’s not crazy, he might just be too smart for the rest of us mortals to comprehend him. (Our savior speaks, after the jump.)

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Johnson Jettisoned From Mavericks Coaching Job

Guess there are some Boston baseball beauties that can knock your sox off.

Avery Johnson now has time to attend all those Josh Howard parties.

Avery Johnson

Will Mark D’Antoni also be available for appearances?

• Some grouchy media dinosaurs use Bob Costas’ HBO show to growl about the sports blogosphere.

• But they don’t understand the true power of the Internet, as in the case of a small-college football player using YouTube to get himself drafted by the Eagles.

Maria Sharapova finally meets Anna Kournikova - about 3-5 years too late for most of the media to care.

• Sisters are doing it for themselves - especially when it comes to softball sportsmanship.

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Wiz’s Stevenson Wears M. Vick Outfit, Needs Love

Moooooom. Mom! Mom Mom Mom Mom. Mom!”

“What is it, my little DeShawn Stevenson of the Washington Wizards?”

Hi, Mom.

DeShawn Stevenson loves plastic

“That’s nice, dear. Hello to you, too.”

“… Mom! Moooom Mom Mom MOM! Moooom!

“What, dear? What?”

“… hi, Mom. Look what I got!

“Yes, dear. Now why don’t you go off and play basketball with your friends that constantly whip your bottom on the court?”

“… MOM! OH MY GOD MOM MOM MOM! Look what I’m wearing to Game 5 of the playoff series against Cleveland!

DeShawn Stevenson wearing Vick outfit

“WHAT? What do… oh, Godda… I am going to beat you within an inch of your playoff life if you don’t march upstairs right now young man and take that ridiculous costume off.”

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Unemployed Jay-Z is Bored and Kind Of Annoying

The list of Jay-Z beefs (as the kids call them) is long and illustrious. Among them are such stalwarts as Nas, R. Kelly, and Cam’Ron. But Jay seems to be getting a little soft in his old age. First, he got fired from his job. Now he’s taking shots at mediocre, non-superstar basketball players.

jay z basketball jersey

That’s right, you can add DeShawn Stevenson to that list up there; the one that just became a whole lot less illustrious. Read more…

Erin’s The Bee’s Knees; Let Tony & Jess Eat Cake

Erin Andrews will be lending her talents to the National Spelling Bee.

Erin Andrews fullbody

As if the young male competitors weren’t nervous enough already.

• When it comes to celebrity couples chowing down, Tony Romo & Jessica Simpson really take the cake.

• The Milwaukee Brewers take a back seat to no one - especially an airline passenger seat.

• But those stranded travelers can always take a ride on Air Tranica.

• An NFL writer claims that ex-Michigan coach Lloyd Carr is “sick”, and not in a phat, dope kind of way.

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DeShawn Needs To Work On Timing Of His Taunts

DeShawn Stevenson really needs to work on his taunting. During Game 2 last night against the Cavaliers, the Wizards player had just knocked down a three, when he proceeded to blow on his fingers as if he’s “on fire“:

(Video courtesy of the indispensable ODENIZED)

Just one problem - even after Stevenson’s shot, his team was still down by 16. And DeShawn’s superego was quickly extinguished, when LeBron James immediately answered with his own three. Then Marv Albert shared some fun facts that made D.S.’ taunt look even more like B.S.

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Hear Ye, Hear Ye! The NBA Playoffs Start Today!

Finally, sirs and madams, the NBA playoffs are upon us. HUZZAH! It is with much anticipation, anxiety, and satisfaction that the first round of this most excellent tournament approaches.

a minstrel

As your friendly minstrel, it is both my duty and my pleasure to present to you the first 4 of the vaunted “40 games in 40 nights.” Follow the sounds of my sweet lute as we examine today’s games.

TO THE JUMP! Read more…

Wizards’ Play-By-Play Caller Is An Excitable Fellow

Steve Buckhantz is an excitable guy. The Washington Wizards play-by-play man made another thrilling call that’s sure to be shown on SportsCenter highlights for hours to come.

During Monday night’s Wizard-Hornets game, Hilton Armstrong had just tied the game for New Orleans with 7.3 seconds remaining. With no time outs left, DeShawn Stevenson raced down the length of the court and tossed up the game-winning 3:

Or as Buckhantz bellowed - “DAGGER!!!

But it’s not the first time Steve had such a screaming fit at the final buzzer. Read more…

Caron Butler Moutain Dew Ban In Effect With Washington Wizards

SKATEBOARD RAMP ENGINEERS CAN FINALLY BREATH EASY: Dan Steinberg of DC SPORTS BOG has the reason why Caron Butler might’ve stopped spiking his hair and riding skateboards: He’s no longer allowed to drink Mountain Dew.

Caron Butler Skate Kid

Butler: “Before every game at Connecticut, I drank a two-liter of Mountain Dew. I’m dead serious. Ask my wife what she would have to go get me before a game. I’d be like, ‘Hey, stop by the 7-11, bring me a two-liter.’I’d be wired. I’d drink half [before the game], and then I’d drink half at halftime. Because, you know, it shoots you up. And then there’s a down, and you’re flat-lining, and you’ve got to go back up again. That’s what I’ve been doing, but they don’t want me to drink it any more. They done took my Mountain Dew from me.

Mountain Dew Sign

The Washington Wizards officially banned Butler from Doing The Dew two months ago, which also of course means no more skydiving, snowboarding - and dating underage teenies (so he won’t be hitting the food court at the mall with teammate DeShawn Stevenson until the offseason).