Bulls’ Gordon Burns Arm In Flaming Scarf Accident

Ben Gordon of the Chicago Bulls sported a nifty fashion statement on his left arm in Monday night’s positioning battle with the Detroit Pistons. The large bandage didn’t stop him from depositing 8 of 15 shots on the way to 19 points and a Bulls win. According to Gordon, the bandage covered a burn received when his scarf caught fire on a candle.

Ben Gordon

Unless Gordon’s line of napalm scarves has finally reached the production stage, a three-year-old girl with a nervous bladder holds more water than this story. Remember that this is the same team that also dealt with Derrick Rose’s injury after he allegedly rolled over in bed onto the knife he cut his apple with.

It’s time to do away with the pretense surrounding these “accidents” and speak frankly about these incidents. The Bulls are finally a playoff team; now they have to tell the truth like one. They’ve been hiding the violent offender in their midst long enough. Without further adieu, the perpetrator of the Bulls’ pain and scars lo these 82 games:

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Man & Wife Stab Cheerleader To Death Over Affair

• What happens when a married man has an affair with a 16-year-old cheerleader? Man & wife cruelly kill the cheerleader, of course.

Marisha Jeter cheerleader murder victim

Derrick Rose needs to find some sleeping partners who aren’t so sharp.

• Panthers beat up Bucs, reign supreme over NFC South - for now.

• Corruption by an Illinois governor is no big surprise, but to bring the Cubs into his nefarious dealings? Monster!

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Derrick Rose Can’t Be Trusted With Sharp Objects

David Wells started the trend. Then Monta Ellis and Plaxico Burress took it to new heights. Basically, if you’re a pro athlete and you hurt yourself on your own time, nobody’s buying your story anymore.

Derrick Rose

So even though there’s no apparent reason to not believe Derrick Rose’s account of the bizarre injury he suffered yesterday, that’s not going to prevent a lot of people from being skeptical. It’s a doozy of a tale, but honestly I’ve probably done stupider things (I once put my hand partially through a metal light fixture celebrating a goal on NHL ‘94). Luckily for Rose, he isn’t going to miss any game action…from rolling over onto a knife that was in his bed.

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Speed Read: Black Friday Turns To Boring Sunday

Football games are long, long endeavors. Battles of attrition. Game of inches. Field position. And such. The previous week, the NFL set a league record for most combined points in a weekend, which is exciting on paper. But this week, and last, a lot of games were simply horrible.

Fans asleep

Half the games were won by more than two touchdowns. The average margin of victory was 15½ points. The “closest” Thanksgiving game was the Cowboys’ 25 point squeaker over Seattle. Week 12 wasn’t much better; last week’s points-a-palooza had an average victory of almost 17 points, with only three games featuring a single-digit victory. In a season where the median margin of victory is 10 points, the last two weeks have had median wins of 16 and 18 points. Hey, football’s fun. And it’s a never-ending cycle to find the good ones. You have to watch the 41-17 clunkers to find the 31-28 photo finish. Good thing I skipped the action today to go Christmas shopping.

Ben Affleck and Bruce Willis - Armageddon

(”It’s funny ’til somebody gets SHOT IN THE LEG.”)

If it wasn’t for the human tendency to honor anniversaries, not many people would connect the diametrically opposite incidents of Plaxico Burress and Sean Taylor. (Also, their teams were, y’know, playing each other.) A year ago, Taylor was murdered in his home. Last Friday, Burress accidentally shot himself in the leg. The location of the bullet wounds might have been remotely close, and they were both football players, but that’s pretty much all the two things had in common. Was Burress carrying a gun to protect himself in light of the Taylor murder? Well, maybe, but isn’t that what friends and bodyguards are for? He ought to be rich enough not to have to actually handle one of those firearms. We’ll all find out more when he surrenders tomorrow and talks to police about potentially carrying a weapon without a legal permit.

Dabo Swinney, new Clemson coach

What’s Dabo Swinney looking at, other than seeing the “interim” diamond-encrusted plate being taken off his Clemson head coach office door? He’s trying to figure out who first reported it. ESPN! Multiple sources told them. WYFF GREENVILLE! Multiple sources told them. CHARLESTON POST AND COURIER! Multiple sources told us, but they told us first. Put them all together, and multiple sources have told SPORTSbyBROOKS that Dabo Swinney will be the new head football coach at Clemson University. You (might have) heard it here first.

Moneyball

  • Arbitration time! Today is the deadline for MLB teams to offer cash to their free agents and potentially scrap some draft picks out of the process in the event the free agent leaves. Milwaukee could offer it to Sabathia. Boston might give it to Captain Varitek. The Royals could … let anyone with talent sign elsewhere and bring up some young people.
  • Old-ish news, but it’s new to you! Warren Moon was on TV and mentioned that maybe the Patriots should trade Tom Brady and keep Matt Cassel. Yes, and maybe they’ll turn Bill Belichick into a French sous chef. That’ll show them.
  • David Chalk of BUGS AND CRANKS weighs the odds of who will be SPORTS ILLUSTRATED’s Sportsman Of The Year. David’s a Rays fan, so you know who’s the odds-on-favorite.
  • THE 700 LEVEL watches Derrick Rose block the tar out of Andre Miller’s shots last night. Chicago won 103-92.
  • THE STAR LEDGER reports on Devin Harris’s 47-point barrage to help the Nets beat the Suns. 21 of the points were in the final quarter.
  • Peyton and Tom have huge games against each other! No, not those ones. Hillis and Jones. They both ran for over 120 yards but Hillis’s Broncos trounced the Jets 34-17.
  • With the Browns down to their last Dorsey this season, Browns fans are praying to Santa Claus and the Kwanzaa Llama for Bill Cowher as a head coach.
  • The woman who had bathroom sex in the Metrodome (what a way to be named) is claiming she was victimized and would never ever have drunken sex if it was up to her. Hey, wouldn’t we all. That would be absolutely disgusting if she was date-raped, but there doesn’t seem to be any proof other than she’s embarrassed. Let’s all move on.
  • So Lane Kiffin is the new Tennessee Volunteers coach. Neat. But will his daddy Monte, a Buccaneers assistant, follow him to Knoxville? PFT can’t get a word out of the senior Kiffin about it. He’s not talking. Lips. Sealed. (For now.)
  • And finally, the Michigan State basketball game was delayed by rain. Wait… what?

What should the Giants do with Plaxico Burress?

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Speed Read: Your MRI Machine Is Ready, Mr. Oden

Yup, Greg Oden hurt his foot less than three minutes into his first regular season game against the Lakers. That’s not a punchline to a joke, but the sad truth. He played through the first half before throwing in the towel. ESPN.COM reports that Oden suffered a mid-foot sprain, which sounds like a made up injury you would use to get out of work, but apparently you can get if you are made out of peanut brittle.

Greg Oden

Not that Oden was tearing the joint up. His stat line for the game: 0-4 from the field and five rebounds in 13 minutes.  Which puts him about on par with the rest of the Blazers, as they were thumped by Los Angeles 96-76. As for Oden…he has a trip to the MRI machine scheduled for later today, or as he calls it, “The Mother Ship.”

Derrick Rose

Having a much better NBA debut was Derrick Rose, who scored 11 points and had nine assists as the Bulls stuck it to their ex-coach Scott Skiles by beating the Bucks 108-95. Meanwhile, that clanging you heard in Boston was LeBron James rattling free throws all over the place against the Celtics. He missed four of eight free throws, all in the fourth quarter, and Cleveland fell 90-85.

Here’s some more of last night’s news, but be forewarned: Bud Selig says that he has the power to suspend this after six links.

Gary Danielson and Colt McCoy

  • CBS analyst Gary Danielson thinks that Texas runs a “junk offense” and that Georgia’s Matthew Stafford would be putting up Colt McCoy-type numbers in that offense, says the AUSTIN AMERICAN-STATESMAN. No SEC homerism there at all.
  • The man who saved the NBA during the lockout in 1999, according to the DETROIT NEWS? Not David Stern. Not Billy Hunter? Nope, it was Michael Curry.
  • Relax, says the DENTON RECORD-CHRONICLE: it turns out that those 15 North Texas football players tested positive for recreational drugs, not steroids. Which is great, because we wouldn’t want their run at an 0-12 season to be tainted.
  • The AP has a tip for Eli Manning - don’t let the defense read your lips when you call a play on fourth down. It kind of helps them know what to do.
  • The SAN JOSE MERCURY NEWS estimates that only 20,000 people will be on hand to see Stanford take on Washington State this Saturday, even though the Cardinal are 3-0 at home this year and fighting for a bowl berth.
  • Even after having beaten the Chargers in a thriller on Sunday, the NEW ORLEANS TIMES-PICAYUNE says that Saints coach Sean Payton was less than thrilled with the experience of playing in London.
  • The BOSTON GLOBE reports that Patriots’ nose tackle Vince Wilfork is going to be getting called to the Principal’s office - in this case NFL Commissioner Roger Goodell - for his blow to the head of Broncos’ QB Jay Cutler. Wait, I thought the Patriots were perfect schoolboys who never, ever committed any penalties?
  • Will the expansion Seattle Sounders get more from signing Swedish star Freddie Ljungberg than the LA Galaxy did from David Beckham? Arash Markashi of SI.COM thinks so.
  • Why would Isiah Thomas apparently continue to lie about his alleged sleeping pill overdose? The local police chief speculates to NEWSDAY it might be because of his contract. “If he takes drugs or whatever they may not owe him the $18 million. I have no idea.”
  • Remember when Joe Tiller said that Rich Rodriguez was a “snake oil salesman” after Purdue lost a big recruit to Michigan? The DETROIT FREE-PRESS says that there’s really no bad blood there. Really.

What will be Greg Oden’s next injury to knock him out of action?

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Brog: Patrick, Olbermann Reunite On NBC Teevee

Richard Sandomir of the NEW YORK TIMES has a bombshell today about Dan Patrick, reporting that the former ESPN SportsCenter anchor will be reunited with Keith Olbermann on NBC’s Sunday Night Football broadcasts.

Keith Olbermann Dan Patrick

Nice play by Dick Ebersol, especially when it comes to boosting Patrick’s profile, who is currently saddled with a syndicated radio show that has very little live clearance in major markets (save Los Angeles). This is the sort of thing that could really help his daily show take off.

Think about Jim Rome’s radio show before he became a stalwart on Fox Sports Net’s “The Last Word.” Besides his L.A. flagship, he was taking calls everyday from the likes of Lincoln, Nebraska, and Green Bay. The TV presence brought him more prestige and pushed him into the sports media mainstream- with the accompanying major market radio affiliates to follow. The NBC thing for Patrick may function similarly. We’ll see.

More details from SPORTS BUSINESS DAILY:

Ebersol said of the set-up of the show, which runs from 7:00-8:30pm ET, “Highlights that begin at 7:15 (ET) will be Dan and Keith. They’ll do the highlights straight through until about 8:00, with the exception of one segment that Cris and Bob will do somewhere around 7:30 or 7:40.” He added the mics for all members of the studio team, which also includes Tiki Barber, Jerome Bettis and Peter King, will be open, allowing them to comment when they feel like it.

In addition to “FNIA,” Patrick will also be part of the net’s Super Bowl coverage when it has TV rights, as well as a member of NBC’s Olympics coverage beginning with the 2010 Vancouver Games.

I’m sure Dan is broken up about missing out on Beijing. Aw, shucks!

I spent most of Sunday midday watching the Roger Federer-Rafael Nadal match. The pair helped me get quite the workout on the treadmill at my gym, as I couldn’t bring myself to leave until the match’s conclusion (three hours later!).

I haven’t watched much tennis lately, so I was a little perplexed about who was calling the PBP of the Wimbledon men’s finals match. After I heard John McEnroe refer to his partner as “Ted” I then realized that former SF Giants announcer Ted Robinson was behind the mic.

Robinson, who is a longtime tennis guy as well, was serviceable in his role, but when Dick Enberg appeared for ESPN for some post-match analysis, it made me a little sad that he wasn’t still NBC’s main tennis voice. I remember Enberg’s Wimbledon call well for those Borg- and Connors-McEnroe epics. And from what I’ve heard from Enberg’s recent work, there’s no doubt that he could easily still be doing big events for NBC.

NBC drew a 4.6 rating for the match, which is the highest number in eight years for the broadcast. The figure is also up 44 percent from last year’s finals, which ironically featured the same combatants.

ESPN’s Bud Collins to Sports Biz Daily on Federer-Nadal: “I’ve covered 41 finals, including the classics of 1980 and 1981 with (Bjorn) Borg and (John) McEnroe, but this 4 hour, 48 minute final is No. 1.

Ted Robinson John McEnroe

(NBC Wimbledon PBP not the same without Dickie E.)

Collins is another guy, like Enberg, who should’ve never been kicked to the curb. He was plenty lucid in his reportage on ESPN with Luke Jensen, who I also liked.

The NYT’s Sandomir also pins down Joe Buck on comments he made to ESPN Radio about not watching much baseball (among other things) and having to cram to get ready for his FOX games.

Sandomir wrote, “On Thursday, Buck said in an interview from his home in St. Louis that he was joking about his TV habits — even if neither the host nor the guest sounded amused. He was too flippant, he said. And so, a little verbal damage control.

Safe to say Buck heard from Fox Sports TV management about his embarrassing comments made to ESPN Radio’s Colin Cowherd.

Also interesting to note that Sandomir made no mention of the only reason anyone is talking about the comments at all. If it wasn’t for Brian Powell at AWFUL ANNOUNCING posting about the on-air exchange, you can guarantee Buck would’ve been in the clear (I’m guessing Cowherd & Co. don’t look at it that way).

One person who today is probably disappointed with Buck’s backpedal is Kyle Nagel of the DAYTON DAILY NEWS, who columnized after Buck’s comments that the announcer was in the right.

Brewers broadcaster Jim Powell breaks down the C.C. Sabathia deal and the man behind it, Doug Melvin, better than anyone I’ve seen, heard or read.

Forest Griffin playing at the WSOP moments after his UFC win over Rampage Jackson:

Forest Griffin at WSOP

The WASHINGTON POST has the sad news that Wizards Owner Abe Pollin is now confined to a wheelchair “because of progressive supranuclear palsy, a disorder of the brain that impairs movement and balance.”

The 84-year-old Pollin: “(It’s a) horrible disease. But I’m fighting it.

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Blog-D’oh-Rama: Homer Simpson Visits w/Dodgers

• Whoo-hoo! HOME RUN DERBY has video & pictures of Homer Simpson throwing out the first pitch at a recent Dodgers game.

Homer Simpson Dodgers

• PUCK DADDY skates along word of a new musical about hockey. If it can be done with poker, why not?

• DEADSPIN doodles up some ideas from the British public on creating London’s official Olympic mascot.

• WITH LEATHER knows how hard it is to be an Italian soccer player in the offseason, surrounded by a bevy of babes in bikinis.

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After Big Three Picked, NBA Draft Loves (UC)LA

To the surprise of pretty much no one, the 2008 NBA Draft began thusly:

David Stern Derrick Rose

1. Chicago Bulls - Derrick Rose, Memphis

2. Miami Heat - Michael Beasley, Kansas State

3. Minnesota Timberwolves - O.J. Mayo, USC

The only real suspense in the opening stages was who was going to go next after the big three. And the next two teams were Bruin-up some surprises. Read more…

You Got Your Rose in My Beasley: Draft Dilemma

If you visit BULLS.COM today, you’ll see quite the sexy little animation asking the musical question we’ve been dealing with as a weary nation since the Bulls’ balls busted through to the top spot: Derrick Rose or Michael Beasley? Rose is the hard-working point guard from Chicago. Beasley is the athletic beast from… not Chicago.

Pokemon

(Gotta draft ‘em all!)

After months of hearing just how great both young men are, though, we don’t think the Bulls should have to choose. Why not draft both? Riley’s planting whispers (honest or no) that he hates Beasley and thinks he’s a doo-doo head and he wouldn’t draft him if he were the last Coleman on Earth. He wants to trade the pick. Why not to the Bulls?

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Blog-O-Rama: Belichick Charming Celtics Chicks

• YAHOO’s SHUTDOWN CORNER catches Bill Belichick working the crowd at Tuesday night’s Celtics-Pistons game:

Bill Belichick Celtics

(How many boobs can you spot in the pic? We spy five.)

• USA TODAY’s GAME ON is drawn in by this week’s Sports Illustrated cover featuring Derek Jeter in “Bizarro Baseball!”

• AWFUL ANNOUNCING serves up word that some Dallas Cowboys could be competing in a new reality cooking show.

Darren Rovell of CNBC dribbles over news that due to the NBA Draft Lottery, some T-Wolves fans will get season tickets for only $3 a game.

• Speaking of the Lottery, ESPN’s TRUE HOOP dines like a king on food not meant for the media.

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