QB Anderson Injury Brings Out Browns Boobirds

It’s a long-standing tradition that whenever a player goes down with an injury, no matter which uniform he wears, when they leave the field the crowd shall rise up as one and offer their support in the form of a hearty cheer. Apparently, the classy fans in Cleveland must have skipped that fan etiquette class. After their own starting quarterback Derek Anderson was being carried off the field, they went boo-crazy.

Derek Anderson

(They’re not saying “Boo”, they’re saying “You Suck”)

While being carried off with a damaged knee ligament, Anderson reported hearing boos coming from the crowd. “They were cheering the fact that I was hurt. They don’t like me. That’s well known.”

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The Browns Will Start QB Ken Dorsey … Seriously

Last week the Browns had two viable starting quarterbacks. Now they have none. Enter NFL re-tread and perpetual third-stringer Ken Dorsey. If Romeo Crennel didn’t have enough to worry about already, the loss of both Brady Quinn and Derek Anderson in two weeks means that his future as Cleveland’s head coach depends on a quarterback who has thrown a grand total of three passes all season. Oh, and none of them have been completed.

derek anderson hurt

(This is not what Cleveland fans were looking for.)

The quarterback conundrum (hey, it’s not a controversy) comes as a result of an ESPN report that Anderson will be lost for the season after straining his left MCL in the fourth quarter of the Browns’ 10-6 loss to the Colts on Sunday. That’s right, they couldn’t score more than six points with Anderson, a Pro Bowler last year, which can’t make Dorsey optimistic about his own chances guiding the Browns offense.

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Speed Read: MSG Hosts “LeBron Welcome Night”

Is it going to be like this for the next year and a half? Every NBA team with cap space rolling out the red carpet for LeBron James like it’s a recruiting trip and he’s Johnny Walker. Last night was the Knicks’ turn to playing willing host, both figuratively and literally - the fans gave him a hero’s welcome, and the team played their role as second bananas as they were little obstacle in the Cavaliers’ 119-101 win.

Knicks   fans ready for LeBron James

Meanwhile, let me remind again you that King James doesn’t become a free agent until July 2010 - that’s almost two full seasons from now. So expect the parade to be coming to your town very soon - perhaps he won’t be wearing special shoes dedicated to your city, but believe me, you’re going to get really sick of it very soon.

Also coming to your city is Ball State - provided that your city is Detroit, and not a place like Glendale, New Orleans, Miami or Pasadena where they have a BCS bowl game. The Cardinals took care of Western Michigan 45-22 to wrap up a perfect regular season and book a date in the MAC title game in the Motor City. So good for them, I guess.

Texas   player AJ Abrams

Meanwhile, there were some damned compelling college basketball games last night. Chief among them was Notre Dame hanging on to beat Texas 81-80 at the Maui Invitational, as A.J. Abrams’ desperation 60-footer at the buzzer hit the rim but missed. It sets up a meeting against No. 1 North Carolina for the eighth-ranked Fighting Irish and a chance for their fans to have something to celebrate in advance of their annual thrashing at the hands of USC this weekend.

Choose your Thanksgiving meal side of choice

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Speed Read: Prez Candidates Grilled By Boomer

Have you voted yet? Why haven’t you voted yet? Why do you hate democracy so much? You know who loves democracy and elections? Chris Berman. That’s why we had Barack “And A Hard Place” Obama and John “Raising” McCain being interviewed by The Swami at halftime of Monday Night Football, answering the hard-hitting questions on topics such as health care, specifically their stance on importing medicine from Canada.

Obama and McCain on MNF

Actually, they didn’t give their stance on “222s,” although that would have been more enlightening than what we got out of each candidate. I saw Bob Costas interview President George W. Bush during the Olympics, and Chris Berman is no Bob Costas.

Here’s what each candidate would change about sports: McCain would get tough on steroids, while Obama would put a playoff in place for college football. That McCain chose a topic six months past relevancy while Obama went for the classic suck-up that all sports fans care about shows why the polls stand where they do.

Judge for yourself. First, Sen. Obama:

…and Sen. McCain:

And, oh yeah, there was a football game last night! And to draw a Presidential Election analogy, the Redskins played Walter Mondale to the Steelers’ Ronald Reagan (anyone under 30 should look it up on Wikipedia), as Pittsburgh rolled to a 23-6 victory. The only downside for Pittsburgh? Ben Roethlisberger left at halftime with a bum shoulder.

Ben Roethlisberger sacked

How come Pittsburgh has someone like Byron Leftwich as their back-up QB, but the Cowboys’ choices post-Tony Romo resemble the Republican ticket: ancient (Brad Johnson) and ineptly overmatched (Brooks Bollinger)?

Here’s what else happened last night for you to read before you get out and vote because it’s your civic duty as Americans and your fathers died for this right and if you don’t vote you are spitting in the graves of dead soldiers from World War I and the ghost of Teddy Roosevelt and Abraham Lincoln will haunt you until your death (maybe I’m being a bit hyperbolic, but you really should vote):

Brady Quinn

  • Break out the hair gel and popped collars, and get ready to cover your junk: the CLEVELAND PLAIN DEALER says the Brady Quinn era for the Browns will officially begin on Thursday, as the strapping young man gets the nod ahead of Derek “I Suck” Anderson for Cleveland’s game against Denver.
  • UFC middleweight Chris Leben might want to consider changing his nickname from “The Crippler” to “The Juicer” after MMA JUNKIE reports that he has been suspended for nine months after testing positive for steroids. John McCain would put Leben over his knee and give him a firm paddling if he’s elected President.
  • The BOSTON GLOBE brings news that Theo Epstein has signed a new contract with the Red Sox to stay on as GM. Epstein held out until the team promised to pick up all gorilla suit-related dry cleaning bills.
  • From the Jim Fixx Memorial Department of Irony: two runners died of heart attacks after finishing the New York Marathon, according to the NEW YORK TIMES. I’ll choose to die of a heart attack while eating a Hot Pocket and watching Antiques Roadshow, the way God intended it.
  • The LAS VEGAS SUN says the sun is setting on Greg Maddux, as the future Hall of Famer is finally set to call it a career after 23 seasons and 367 wins.
  • Meanwhile, the DALLAS MORNING NEWS has news that Greg’s brother Mike Maddux has been named pitching coach for the Texas Rangers, as he can teach them everything he learned about being a throughly mediocre-to-average pitcher (which would be a drastic improvement for the Rangers).
  • The AP notes that Ken Mink, the 73-year-old college basketball player at Roane State Community College, scored two points last night in his team’s 93-42 win over the King’s College JV team. Maybe John McCain will have something to look forward to post-election after all…
  • Breathe a sigh of relief, Bears fans, the CHICAGO TRIBUNE soothes your worries about the 2008 season going down the tubes: Kyle Orton does not have ligament damage in his ankle, meaning your time with Sexy Rexy at QB could be as short as three games.
  • The BUDAPEST TIMES reports that former Hungarian Olympic athlete Krisztián Tölgyesi has been arrested after numerous explosive devices were found in his car. John McCain has no opinion on this, as long as they weren’t fueled by steroids.
  • Iowa can’t seem to stop getting their football players arrested, as the CEDAR RAPIDS GAZETTE has word that Hawkeyes DB Harold Dalton has pleaded guilty to three booze-related charges after a fight at a bar on Sunday. That’s three arrests this season for Iowa players, if you’re keeping track.

The hell with secret ballots: who are you voting for today for President?

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The Brady Quinn Era Might Start This Weekend

Before the 2008 NFL season began, the Cleveland Browns were one of the trendy picks to win the AFC North after finished 10-6 last season and made some improvements to their defense to go along with what was supposed to be a high-powered offense.   Well, three weeks into the NFL schedule, that high-powered offense has mustered a whopping 8.7 points per game and Cleveland is 0-3.

The 8.7 points per game is the lowest of any team in the NFL this season, and that includes that St. Louis Rams and Kansas City Chiefs (whom I believe are holding contests before the game to see which fan gets to start at quarterback), and a big reason for that is that Derek Anderson has the lowest QB rating of any starter in the league.   All of which makes you wonder how much longer Derek is going to be starting before the Browns turn to Brady Quinn.

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Blog Jam: Houston Rockets Acquire A Space Cadet

  • SLAM ONLINE has the scoop that Kings and Rockets are finalizing a deal to send Ron Artest to Houston. Not only does this move bring a guy who isn’t from this planet to a team called the Rockets, but it will also give Clutch City a third offensive option. Additionally, the trade brings in a brand of crazy Houston hasn’t seen since Carl Everett left town in 1999.

    Ron Artest Globe

  • BUSTED COVERAGE breaks down the differences between the Cleveland Browns’ quarterbacks, Derek Anderson and Brady Quinn.“The backup will shill for Subway and Hummer. The starter doesn’t have time for endorsements because he has an actual job.”
  • You may think they’re just really big guys in really small shorts but bodybuilders have an artistic side to them as well. URLESQUE has compiled 10 of the greatest choreographed bodybuilding routines. One of the videos from this countdown is rolling after the jump. Read more…

Browns Boss Lerner Denies Bolting Off For Britain

The owner of the Cleveland Browns has denied rumors that he’s fleeing the country in order to take hands-on control of his English soccer club.

Randy Lerner Cleveland Browns owner

(”Let’s see - am I supposed to go to Game 6 or Game 9?“)

Jeff Schudel of the WILLLOUGHBY (OH) NEWS-HERALD reports that Randy Lerner, who purchased the Aston Villa club in 2006, retorts any reports from English newspapers that he plans to take up permanent residence across the Pond. Read more…

Blog-Jam: Twins’ World Series Won With Steroids?

• BUGS & CRANKS learns that Bill James believes the Minnesota Twins’ World Series titles may have been helped by steroids.

Bill James Kirby Puckett

• HOME RUN DERBY warns baseball fans not to get caught by the cameras in the all-you-can-eat section.

Jay Posner of the SAN DIEGO UNION-TRIBUNE catches up with Jeanne Zelasko, as the Fox Sports baseball anchor gets ready for another season after dealing with thyroid cancer.

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Blog-O-Rama: Hal Steinbrenner Is On The Prowl

• The LOHUD YANKEES BLOG plays cupid, as new Yankee co-boss Hal Steinbrenner is looking for love.

Hal Steinbrenner Cupid

• ODENIZED hears Jason Kidd plead his case during Thursday’s Mavs-Spurs game: “I tipped it off his face, I swear.”

• WAS WATCHING has a new job for Carl Pavano - mascot for the Yankees’ Double-A farm team.

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Blog-O-Rama: Adriana Lima Dating Some T-Wolf

• LE BASKETBAWL finds at least one winner on the 10-39 T-Wolves, as Marko Jaric is apparently dating Victoria’s Secret model Adriana Lima:

Adriana Lima Marko Jaric

• SOCCERLENS focuses in on the real goal for a successful World Cup in South Africa - legalizing prostitution.

Jason Whitlock of the KANSAS CITY STAR wants his March Madness now, as he’s bored with the college b-ball regular season.

• THE BIG LEAD is rooting for Dudley Hart to win the Pebble Beach Pro-Am, considering he missed a lot of golf time caring for his lung cancer-stricken wife.

• FAN IQ’s 100% INJURY RATE suggests that if the Olympic discus toss doesn’t thrill you, why not try the live-goat-into-the-lions’-den toss?

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