The Yankees Have Broken Roger Clemens’ Heart

If you tuned in to ESPN’s coverage of the final game at Yankee Stadium on Sunday, you saw a lot of tribute videos and interviews with famous New Yorkers who told you all about what the stadium meant to them.   Of course, it wasn’t just us regular folk who were watching, as there were even some former Yankees watching at home.

One of those players was Roger Clemens.   Clemens was at home in Houston watching on a battery powered television (like a lot of people in Houston, Clemens doesn’t have power), and when he saw one tribute video in particular, it broke his steroid-pumping heart.

Read more…

Very Sad: Misremembering A Memorable Romance

Sad day today. The NEW YORK DAILY NEWS reports this morning that country singer Mindy McCready is claiming she had a ten-year sexual liason with Roger Clemens beginning when she was 15 and he was 28 (and married).

Mindy McCready Roger Clemens

(Mindy’s had a wee few personal (and legal) problems)

Apparently she plans to use her underage sex with Big Tex as a springboard to a country music comeback (sounds like a great plan to us!). Read more…

He Misremembered Appt. To Freshen Frosted Tips

The ORLANDO SENTINEL has the sad news that Roger Clemens won’t be participating in the “ESPN The Weekend festivities at Walt Disney World February 29-March 2 as previously scheduled.

Roger Clemens And His Frosted Tips

The network released a statement today that apparently came from Clemens: Given some strong feelings in some circles today, I believe my current participation could be a distraction. The event should be an occasion for fun.Read more…

McNamee: Mrs. Clemens, Canseco Flashed Racks

‘Duk of Yahoo Sports’ new BIG LEAGUE STEW blog scares out a gem from Brian McNamee’s deposition to Federal investigators about the party he claimed Roger Clemens attended at Jose Canseco’s house. McNamee:

Debbie Clemens Jessica Canseco Compare Racks

“Roger showed up after golf, I believe. Maybe he was golfing. I don’t know if he was golfing. He might have showed up a little bit later, but no, he was there the whole time for the most part. He was in the house. I could tell a specific story about him being there, which was involving Jose (Canseco), Jose’s wife and Roger’s wife when they went inside, when the guys showed up. I mean, they talked — no disrespect, but they talked about how great Jose’s wife’s augmentation job was to Debbie and showed her. And then Debbie showed her her augmentation job.”

This whole thing keeps getting weirder and weirder. With Clemens’ kids in mind, it’s starting to get to the point where we hope nothing more comes out about him and his wife’s *lifestyle* unless someone emails photos to us directly.

Pettitte Affidavit Says Clemens Claimed HGH Use

Roger Clemens told Andy Pettitte he took HGH - that’s according to a sworn affidavit acquired by the ASSOCIATED PRESS on Tuesday.

Roger Clemens Andy Pettitte

Details of Pettitte’s affidavit came out a day before Clemens was to testify in front of Congress about his alleged use of performance-enhancing drugs. Pettitte gave the affidavit so he wouldn’t have to appear in person at Wednesday’s hearings. Read more…

Next: Granny Clemens’ Steroid Injects For Shingles

Now this is really getting fun sad. A source tells the NEW YORK DAILY NEWS today that “Brian McNamee told congressional investigators Thursday that he injected Roger Clemens’ wife with human growth hormone before she appeared with the pitcher in Sports Illustrated’s swimsuit issue in 2003, according to a Washington source.

Debbie Clemens Bikini Roger Clemens Jackass

Debbie Clemens appeared with her husband in a photograph taken in Central Park in the magazine’s Feb. 18, 2003 issue wearing a bikini and holding a bat over her shoulders while Roger Clemens reclined on the ground in his Yankee uniform. McNamee testified that he injected her at Roger Clemens’ direction, according to the source.

Source: “She was trying to get in shape for the SI cover. He (McNamee) told them the story that Debbie took growth.

With McNamee providing these sorts of details, it’s now clear that steroids and HGH aren’t what’s at issue anymore. It’s about a soul-crushing crusade against everything Clemens holds dear. We can hardly wait for McNamee to next reveal Granny Clemens’ steroid injections after her late ’90s bout with Shingles.

Debbie Clemens Says It’s Time Husband Roger Retired From Baseball

ROCKET LIGHTER FLUID GOES FROM MOUND TO BACKYARD?: The NEW YORK DAILY NEWS reports that the wife of Roger Clemens is ready to permanently ground The Rocket.

Debbie Clemens Roger Clemens

While Clemens yesterday “was noncommittal when asked if he would play next season,” his wife - not so much. Debbie Clemens to KRIV-TV in Houston: “I think he’s ready to do the barbecue and come home.”I think it will be hard for him to play a little bit. He’s been such a workaholic and he’s really put his heart and soul into baseball. But I just think it’s time.

Debbie Clemens

Screw Roger, we think it’s time for another photo shoot of Debbie (sans her fake workout partner).