Leave it to CNBC’s Darren Rovell to think of the apparel sales angle to the retirement of a historic quarterback. As soon as ESPN broke the story about Brett Favre retiring at 9:30 this morning, Rovell started a stopwatch to see how long it would take for the New York Jets to launch a memorabilia clearance sale. The answer turned out to be roughly three hours.

So, now the Jets Shop is offering anything with Favre’s name, number or likeness at a whopping 50 percent off, allegedly to celebrate his career. Of course, they’re really doing it to get all the crap off their shelves.

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It’s hard to believe it’s been 20 years since a light hitting infielder and a Fleer baseball card combined to offend old people, confuse collectors and amuse millions of ten-year-olds. But it’s true: two decades have passed since the legendary Billy Ripken “F**k Face” card entered the nation’s consciousness.

It’s a tale that’s been shrouded until mystery…until now. Ripken’s been retired for 11 years (yeah, I was as shocked as you to learn his career spanned 12 seasons), and since Cooperstown probably isn’t calling, he figured he might as well open up about the only reason, other than his last name, that anyone remembers him.

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I’m sure Tony Kornheiser will have some xenophobic comments* about the fact that EA Sports markets the MADDEN video game franchise to Spanish-speakers, but CNBC.COM’s Darren Rovell points out that the curse transcends language.

For the three people reading this who don’t play MADDEN, the curse goes back to 1999, when the folks at ELECTRONIC ARTS decided to replace John Madden’s mug on the cover with that of an NFL player deserving of the honor. The results? Well, Michael Vick and Shaun Alexander would like to have a word. And I suppose we can add Robert Garza’s name to the list.

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Darren Rovell today has a video interview with American gymnast Nastia Liukin, who unwittingly provides the definitive metaphor of what the modern Olympics have become.

(Another Olympic venue that also features hotties who loves ATMs)

As part of the report Rovell said, “Liukin told us that seeing her image on advertising before the games actually gave her confidence.”

(Nastia was inconsolable after learning of those pesky ATM transaction fees)

So her Visa ads boosted her up before her Olympics appearances? Sounds a little far-fetched, until you hear the same thing come out Liukin’s mouth: “I walked into the Olympic athlete village, seeing the Visa ATM machine with my picture on it and the Chinese character saying “destiny” … for some reason it just boosted my confidence.”

Liukin’s Olympic dream is inspired by an ATM machine? Perfect.

And this isn’t a case of me taking an obscure comment out of context (2,922 mentions of it at Google News!). That same ATM machine storyline has been covered by just about every media outlet, thanks to Liukin continuing to bring it up.

The whole thing is almost as ridiculous as if Nastia had her picture on a NASCAR entry whizzing around Talladega.

Oh, wait, she does.

Also, Liukin’s plans after her gymnastics career is over will shock you. She wants to get into “modeling and acting.”

(Nastia is ready to pounce on the myriad adult modeling opportunities sure to roll in!)

I know, I had my money on E! entertainment reporter, too.

Jorge Sedano of 790 The Ticket in Miami with yet another cool find:

Apparently a YouTube user recently claimed to have found a glitch in Tiger Woods’ EA Sports video game, which had Woods being able to hit the ball while standing on water. So in response, EA shot this cute reply with Woods walking on water.

Haven’t confirmed if EA concocted the whole idea out of thin air (and created a fake account to set up the spot), but it really doesn’t matter. Great idea.

Fun clip from an old SNL Olympics bit:

Much funnier: Dennis Miller looks like Gene Simmons after a hydroxycut bender.

On NBC’s “Today” show this morning, NBC’s Meredith Vieira read this promo: “We’ve seen them run and jump and swim and tumble, but what do the Olympic athletes do behind closed doors?”

It wasn’t made immediately clear what the segment was about. Perhaps Al Roker with an investigative report on the Albanians’ flossing habits. Now when I heard the read, this is immediately what popped. Into my head, that is:

Russian track & field athlete Yelena Isinbayeva.

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With the Olympics set to begin in Beijing tomorrow night, I’ve been spending a lot of time lately trying to get myself into a patriotic mood (and injecting steroids through tattoos of course). One of my methods is by singing the National Anthem to myself in the bathroom mirror. Using my comb as a microphone, I’ve been belting out some rather tear-inducing renditions - and have had the cops called on my home twice.

I am not deterred, however, for it doesn’t matter how horrible I am at singing, my love for this country won’t be denied by anybody. I should point out, though, that even if my version of the Anthem isn’t too good, it’s still better than the one Carl Lewis performed 15 years ago at a New Jersey Nets/Chicago Bulls game back on January 21st, 1993. That was horrible. Don’t believe me? Check it out for yourself.

Scary, right? Well things could be getting even scarier as Lewis tells CNBC’s Darren Rovell that he’d be willing to do it again.

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Darren Rovell of CNBC has news that rocked the MMA world today. Less than 24 hours after MMA organization Elite XC closed a deal to air fights on CBS, UFC announced a sponsorship agreement with sports advertising behemoth Anheuser-Busch.

Rovell: “UFC announced a deal with Anheuser Busch as Bud Light will become the new exclusive sponsor for the UFC. The brand will be featured on the Octagon center mat and on the vertical bumpers beginning with UFC 84 in Las Vegas on May 24.”

For those of you not in the sports business know, this is a much bigger deal than the Elite XC-CBS partnership. Read more…

You may rememberour treatment of Speedo’s recent Olympic swimsuit rollout with Michael Phelps:

The lunch-minded masses no doubt appreciated Speedo’s less-is-more approach when it came to promotional materials marketing the second skin. Sadly though, no such luck when it came to sports biz reporter Darren Rovell during his regrettable stand up with Phelps this morning on CNBC. Read more…

Darren Rovell has an hour-long primetime special on CNBC tonight about all things Nike.

The good news for Rovell: For the documentary-style production, Rovell got to interview a sunglassed Phil Knight, Michael Jordan, Lebron James, Tiger Woods, and Charles Barkley.

The bad news for Rovell: He spent a considerable amount of time examining Nike’s business practices in Vietnam, where the company is the country’s single largest employer (we’re guessing Rovell next spent a considerable amount of time being examined by his friendly gastroenterologist after enduring local fare). Read more…

Looks like it wasn’t a good year for sports cinema. SPORTS BUSINESS DAILY reports that only one athletically-inclined film cracked the top 20 list of money-making movies in 2007.

(CNBC’s Darren Rovell in his role in ‘Blades of Glory 2: Icelandic Boogaloo’)

According to THE MOVIE TIMES, “Blades of Glory”, the figure skating farce starring Will Ferrell and Jon Heder (a.k.a. Napoleon Dynamite) finished at #20, grossing over $118 million since its March release.

Only four other sports-related films placed in the top 100, including the memorable ping pong saga “Balls of Fury” (#71, $32 million) and the charmingly-named “Mr. Woodcock” (#81, $25 million). If you’re curious to see where “Who’s Your Caddy?” landed, check this list.