Kansas Player Reps Issue Statement, Are Now BFF

Thousands or perhaps hundreds of years from now, when aliens sift through the wreckage of the long-extinct human civilization, they will probably find a lot of university press releases. Like Styrofoam cups, these documents will never decompose, and, sadly, will bear little resemblance to the events that actually occurred here.

Sherron Collins, Darrell Stuckey

(Sherron Collins and Darrell Stuckey … it’s all cool!)

Take today’s press release from the University of Kansas, which purportedly announces a truce between warring factions of the Jayhawks football and basketball teams. It was authored, supposedly, by player representatives from both teams; Sherron Collins and Cole Aldrich of the basketball team, and Kerry Meier, Todd Reesing, Jake Sharp and Darrell Stuckey of the football team. Coaches met with players this morning and supposedly everyone hugged it out (sound of knives and other weapons clattering to the floor as they hugged). Read more…