NFL Lineman Sorry For Showering On The Internet

The lead story in the sports section of the ARIZONA REPUBLIC Tuesday wasn’t the Lakers and Suns in the Western Conference Finals of the NBA playoffs. No, the top of column one was occupied by Arizona Cardinals lineman Darnell Dockett apologizing for showering while he was seen on an internet webcam last week.

Darnell Dockett Showers Nude On UStream

(Finally found a worthwhile Arizona boycott)

Last Friday morning I uncovered the shudder-worthy details, which the Republic’s Kent Somers reports today led to Dockett apologizing to every single one of his Cardinals teammate. (Hey D.D., what about the rest of us?) Read more…

UScream: NFL Lineman Showers Live On Internet

Defensive Lineman Darnell Dockett of the Arizona Cardinals Tweeted yesterday:

Darnell Dockett Showers Nude On UStream

Ok so I just got a $1k = A stack BET that I wouldn’t take a shower on ustream lol ok soo as soon as I see the money its On ” NO MEN ALLOWED”

So there’s someone out there who offered an NFL defensive lineman $1,000 cash to shower live on the internet?

Just wanted to get that straight.

Did someone actually offer Darnell Dockett $1,000 To Shower Live On The Internet?

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Images are not safe for work if you click through. You’ve been warned. *shudder*

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Welcome To Another Edition Of Ask Doc Darnell!

Thanks to the wonderment of Twitter.com’s ‘Retweet’ technology, the public is now privileged the wit and wisdom of Arizona Cardinals defensive tackle Darnell Dockett.

Ask Doc Darnell - Darnell Dockett's wit and wisdom on Twitter

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Ladies, if you’ve got a health, beauty or relationship question, this is your lucky day.

Ask Doc Darnell - Darnell Dockett's wit and wisdom on Twitter

The doctor is in!

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Ask Doc Darnell - Darnell Dockett's wit and wisdom on Twitter

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Speed Read: Celts’ Davis Makes Magic Cry Uncle

If anyone was going to step up and hit the game-winning shot in a must win game for the Boston Celtics, of course if was going to be Glen “Big Baby” Davis, right? I mean, just look at the guy’s track record. It’s…OK, basically it’s him getting screamed at by Kevin Garnett on the sidelines and crying into his towel. So what I mean to say is that there is no possible way that Glen Davis hits the biggest shot of the season for the Boston Celtics.

Glen Davis

But there he was, with the clock running down on Sunday night against Orlando and the Celtics trailing by one, draining a 21-footer after the Magic had swarmed Paul Pierce to give Boston the 95-94 victory to tie their Eastern Conference semifinal series at 2-2. And there he was charging down the court like he was chasing down the ice cream truck as it took off down the street, taking out some helpless kid on the sidelines in the process. Make sure you keep an eye on the kid’s friend shooting daggers at Davis:

Yeah, kid, I’m sure you could have taken him down if he just wouldn’t have run away so fast. But back to the shot: it’s not that the shot was too uncommon for Davis to hit - he does have that kind of range from the outside. But to hit that shot in that situation is just uncanny. Almost as uncanny as Paul Pierce having the guts to pass to him and let him take the shot with the Celtics’ season basically on the line. Can you imagine Kobe Bryant passing the ball to Andrew Bynum in the same situation?

Meanwhile, remember how the Rockets’ season was supposed to be doomed when Tracy McGrady went out for the season? That didn’t happen, as Houston won a playoff series for the first time in 47 years (approximately) before giving the Lakers all they could handle in their Western Conference semifinal series. But the news that Yao “Bamboo Bone” Ming would miss the rest of the playoffs with a broken foot suffered in Game 3 was surely the end of their run.

Kobe Bryant and Luis Scola

Then what in the world were the Lakers doing trailing by as many as 29 points to a team starting a 6-foot-6 center (Chuck Hayes) before falling 99-87 to have their series evened up at 2-2? For one thing, the Lakers had no answer for Chris Rock Aaron Brooks, as the diminutive guard ripped Los Angeles for 34 points, while the combination of Ron Artest and Luis Scola held Kobe Bryant to just 15 points.

As Phil Jackson predicted, it may have just been a case of a team playing full of emotion after having their backs to the wall; and yes, the Lakers did still regain home court advantage during the two games in Houston. But watching the Lakers and comparing them to the molten hot ball of basketball destruction that is the Denver Nuggets right now, perhaps that Cavaliers vs. Lakers NBA Finals isn’t as much of a sure thing as we previously thought.

Meanwhile, in those “other” playoffs, the Bruins followed the lead of their basketball brethren from Boston, although their prospects are still far more bleak. Despite their 4-0 win over the Carolina Hurricanes, Boston still trails 3-2 and needs to win at Carolina in Game 6 (where the Hurricanes have lost just once this postseason) in order to extend things to a Game 7. And in the Western Conference, the Red Wings pushed the Ducks to the brink with a decisive 4-1 victory to take a 3-2 series lead.

Other stories you might have missed as you were voting for your mayor to shave his handlebar mustache:

  • While the Celtics and Bruins were in their playoff battle, the Red Sox were simply beating the Rays 4-3. But how could one fan celebrate everything that was going on in the Boston sports world on Sunday? BUGS AND CRANKS found one fan who had the perfect answer: a Celtics jersey pulled over a Bruins jersey, topped with a Red Sox cap:
  • The Ultimate Boston Fan

  • Just to finish our Boston sports orgy: are you ready for a reality show starring Troy O’Leary as the baseball version of Simon Cowell? The BOSTON GLOBE says O’Leary hopes you are, as he’s developing a new TV show called “Play Big or Go Home” that is trying to find baseball diamonds in the rough. My choice for the Paula Abdul spot at the judges’ table? The San Diego Chicken.
  • England national team soccer star Ledley King was arrested over the weekend after allegedly assaulting a bouncer at a London nightclub and insulting his Pakistani heritage. THE SUN says that King got to sleep it off in the drunk tank, literally, as he passed out in the stony lonesome for five hours.
  • While that was happening, the TELEGRAPH says that Manchester United was throttling Manchester City 2-0 to put a stranglehold on the English Premier League title with two games remaining. But mercurial United star Cristiano Ronaldo found something to mope about, throwing a fit after being removed by Sir Alex Ferguson just short of an hour into the match:

  • PRO FOOTBALL TALK says that Drew Rosenhaus is, as usual, stirring up more problems. This time he’s using Twitter to start trades for one of his disgruntled players, saying that he thinks teams would give up a 1st round pick and more for my client Darnell Dockett.” 
  • NASCAR’s head of drug testing isn’t exactly buying Jeremy Mayfield’s claim that a reaction to an allergy medication led to his positive drug test, telling USA TODAY that “in my many years of experience, I have never seen a violation like this due to the combination of over-the-counter or prescription products.” But maybe he was trying to get pregnant?
  • The TERRE HAUTE TRIBUNE STAR reports that Milka Duno was bumped from a spot in the Indianapolis 500 during time trials on Sunday and will have to try again this coming weekend. I wouldn’t mind bumping her either, if you know what I mean…
  • Milka Duno

  • The DALLAS MORNING NEWS passes word that author Edwin “Bud” Shrake, who co-wrote the seminal golf instruction manual “Harvey Penick’s Little Red Book” with the teaching legend, died Friday morning of cancer at the age of 77.
  • With college athletes getting in trouble about Facebook postings on a seemingly daily basis, you would think that universities would avoid social networking sites like the plague. But the IDAHO STATESMAN says that Boise State is embracing the concept in a big way, complete with Facebook pages, YouTube channels and more. (h/t to THE WIZ OF ODDS)
  • Former Vikings and Falcons linebacker Henri Crockett was one of four men arrested in Toronto early Saturday morning after a scuffle with police during a traffic stop when they found Crockett and others with a handgun in their car.

What’s your level of interest in the Indianapolis 500?

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Speed Read: Ex-Buc Rice Rips “Scumbag” Gruden

I’m making a list of people who still like former Buccaneers head coach Jon Gruden. John Daly is one, since he needs all the friends he can get these days. And I’m sure his mother is still very proud of him. After that…it gets pretty dicey. Almost immediately after he was fired by Tampa Bay, his former players lined up to take shots at him. Michael Clayton labeled Gruden “a turncoat while Jeff Garcia said the team needed a change” from Gruden.

The Punchable Faces of Jon Gruden

Now you can add Simeon Rice to the list of players lining up to rip Gruden, and the former Bucs Pro Bowler isn’t pulling any punches. In an interview with Pat Kirwan and Tim Ryan on Sirius NFL Radio, Rice went off on Gruden, running down a laundry list of players who hate him, and shredding his character like a rat going through an old stack of magazines in your garage:

Simeon Rice

“How I feel personally? I could tell you that, too. I think he’s a scumbag,” Rice said. “I think he’s a scumbag personally. That’s when he’s telling you one thing and… You know what he told me? ‘Simeon you’ll be here in the next five years.’ I got injured [and] this man’s never said one word to me. I won a Super Bowl for you. I got 13 sacks, 12, 15 every year for you. I balled. I got injured [and] you let me go like it was nothing.”

Now, to be fair, Rice had a grand total of one sack in 2007 after being cut by the Buccaneers and didn’t play last year, so it’s not like Rice showed Gruden what a horrible mistake he made by letting him go. But judging by the stories that keep coming out, releasing an injured player who helped you win a Super Bowl without saying a word to him seems to be right up his alley.

Hmm, let’s see: a “offensive genius” head coach whose teams always have lousy defenses; who is about as likable as genital warts and has the personal skills of Jeff Conaway; and who inspires hatred and disloyalty from former and current players. I’m starting to think that Notre Dame could have stuffed Gruden into a sumo suit and swapped him for Charlie Weis, and no one would have known the difference.

But Jon, if it makes you feel any better, it wasn’t just the fact that your players hate you that got you fired. Apparently the fans all hate you as well. So that’s nice.

Here’s more stories that happened while you were wondering what the South Korean version of “The O’Reilly Factor” must be like (chainsaws optional).

  • Oops, they did it again: the Lakers managed to overlook the Charlotte Bobcats and fall 117-110 in double OT. All this with the Bobcats’ best player - Gerald Wallace - missing the overtimes with an injury. The LOS ANGELES TIMES has the gory details of the Lakers’ fifth loss to the Bobcats in their last six meetings. (Really, and these are the title favorites?)
  • Emeka Okafor battles Andrew Bynum

  • FOOD COURT LUNCH examines “The Hansbrough Effect,” where college basketball analysts laud the hard work and gritty determination of big, white stiffs who will be sure to flop in the NBA. Which gives me another chance to type Kevin Pittsnogle.
  • The BOSTON GLOBE reports that Tom Brady’s rehab is on schedule, and he is on track to start the Patriots 2009 season opener. Which means: get ready for nine months of the Matt Cassel Trade Watch.
  • Remember when the brother of Providence guard Jeff Xavier rushed the court and confronted a referee? ESPN.COM reports that Jonathan Xavier is being held without bail for violating his probation from a 2005 drug conviction. I’m shocked that he’d make a bad decision. In case you didn’t see it, here’s the video of the bizarre on-court incident:

  • Who loves chicken? New Orleans Hornets fans love chicken, especially when they get it for free if the Hornets score 100 points. NOLA.COM has the exciting blow-by-blow as the team sits on 99 with just seconds to go.
  • TRAVELIN’ LIGHT says that a resort in Aruba is offering vacation packages for fantasy baseball and football drafts. Sure, the resort might have beautiful beaches, world-class food and exciting casinos, but does it have a Bubble Hockey machine and old NES system with RBI Baseball like my garage? I didn’t think so.
  • If you think you’ve had a rough life, think about Arizona Cardinals lineman Darnell Dockett, who found his mother murdered, execution style, when he was 13. And then his father died of cancer four months later. The GANNETT NEWS SERVICE has a moving piece on his relationship with his uncle, who helped him get his life back on track.
  • Meanwhile, Dockett’s fellow Florida State alum Peter Warrick is pretty far removed from the Super Bowl: The BLOOMINGTON-NORMAL PANTAGRAPH reports that he’s signed a contract with the Bloomington Extreme of the minor-league Indoor Football League. Just in case he is curious, the nearest Dillard’s in 100 miles away in Moline.
  • The Braves need a power hitter to provide protection for Chipper Jones and Brian McCann. Enter Jeff Francoeur and .239 batting average. MLB.COM says that Jones, for one, is thrilled to have “Frenchy” back. Hey, if your other option is Andruw Jones, anything looks good.
  • Ever nearly kill yourself trying to get that stuck bag of chips dislodged from a vending machine? Me too! Now there’s a video game for you: Adult Swim’s Ultimate Vending Machine Challenge.

Which current NFL coach is most likely to have players lining up to rip him when he leaves?

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