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Just a quick word of advice: skip this post. No, really, skip it. It’s about people doing things with body parts and… well, it’s not so much a body part as a body by-product. And no, not poop. Or pee. I’d rather write about someone like Juan Manuel Marquez drinking his own urine. Honestly, that’s more appetizing. If you read ahead and are thoroughly disgusted, it is your own fault. We warned you.

Robin van Persie
(He’s not clutching it in pain, he’s making sure nothing disgusting gets rubbed onto it.)

A couple days ago, Arsenal lost striker Robin van Persie to a nasty sprain in a friendly between the Netherlands and Denmark. See, it’s ironic because getting your ankle exploded isn’t friendly at all. Anyway. Now comes the healing process, and while that’s expected to take 4-6 weeks, van Persie’s wanting to get back sooner. So he’s pursuing “alternative treatments,” which probably just means he’s getting some acupuncture and–wait, what? Oh sweet Jesus, that’s not it at all, there’s afterbirth involved. Oh God no.

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