Oh, what a day of games, friends! That LeBron James is truly a marvelous athlete! What truly wondrous dunk shots that young knave can make! Quite the start to the National Basketball Association 2008 Playoffs!

(I dance when I’m happy.)

Behind Sir James’ 32 basket points, the Cavaliers of Cleveland toppled those Washingtonian Wizards. A valliant effort by Gilbert Arenas went for naught as the Cavaliers proved victorious in the final minute of play. Twas the sword that proved mightier than the tongue in this duel. Read more…

• How does a Dolphin deal with a 0-10 season? YOU BEEN BLINDED learns that Zach Thomas tries to dance his blues away with the Soulja Boy:

• Speaking of gettin’ down, DISCO TECH dances with joy over the Red Raiders’ ambush of the Sooner Schooner.• THE WIZARD OF ODDS talks mad money, as college football’s highest-paid coach just lost to the lowest-paid one.

• PART MULE checks their watch, as it takes only 38 years for Kareem Abdul-Jabbar to enter the college basketball hall of fame:

• The NEW YORK POST scores it 30-love, as tennis queen Serena Williams is seen settling for a Common-er.• The BOSTON GLOBE finds workers at Fenway Park taking the Hot Stove League a little too literally.

CLINTON PORTIS RUNS BACK TO DRESSING UP FOR MEDIA: Those of you worried that Clinton Portis would no longer be coming out of the closet…with new funky threads, fear not!

DC SPORTS BOG dresses up news of the Redskins RB puttin’ on the ritz in the only way he knows how.For this season’s showcase, Clinton was sporting a samurai-inspired coif, with big sunglasses and a ruffled flamenco shirt straight from the Ricky Ricardo collection.

But this wasn’t Portis. No, it was all under the guise of Choo-Choo, dance instructor to the stars. As he told the enraptured media members, he taught Santana Moss how to dance, and Antwaan Randle-El how to dance, and Mike Sellers how to dance, and…well, you get the idea.

Too bad Choo-Choo didn’t roll out earlier, as he could have locomoted some tips over to Mark Cuban.Ole’!

THE BARBARIANS AT COLLEGE FOOTBALL’S GATE INNOVATE: The Kansas Jayhawks, with their Mayo-jar-with-arms coach Mark Mangino, have thrown college football tradition down the stairs this season (and pumped up the motor *hotel* biz in Stillwater, OK, this Saturday).

One overlooked innovation by the Jayhawks is the installation of the first-ever ’60s burnout-themed Hooters in the stands at Memorial Stadium in Lawrence.

SOX’S PAPELBON DANCING HIS WAY INTO BOSTON HEARTS: Jonathan Papelbon is getting his groove on once again:

NESN has video of the Red Sox closer opening up the World Series celebration. Donning a kilt and fashioning a broom, Papelbon danced to the delight of the cheering Boston crowds, using his prop as a guitar and even a canoe oar.

It’s good to see Johnny’s still got it, after thrilling Fenway with his memorable riverdance when the Sox clinched the AL East.

With all this talent, maybe Papelbon should try out for “Dancing With The Stars”. He couldn’t do any worse than Mark Cuban. Plus, he’s got a whole Red Sox Nation behind him ready to stuff the voting box.