If you’ve been here awhile, you know that I’ve oft-savored the small-screen performances of UFC President Dana White. Because of the media spotlight on his off-color, hate-filled rants of the past, White was basically forced to rip down his previous Vlog on Youtube and ended up losing the chance to star in his own reality show.

But I’m happy to report that White is back at it, and we have a full statistical analysis of his latest Vlog post - plus video. (Not Safe For Work.) Read more…

Main Entry: dis·pa·rate
Pronunciation: \ˈdis-p(ə-)rət, di-ˈsper-ət, -ˈspa-rət\
Function: adjective
Etymology: Middle English desparat, from Latin disparatus, past participle of disparare to separate, from dis- + parare to prepare

1 : containing or made up of fundamentally different and often incongruous elements
2 : markedly distinct in quality or character

(Some of UFC’s many sponsors on display.)

An enterprising young cameraman representing ULTMMA.COM (we assume the ULT stands for “ultimate” and that it’s not an acronym for, like, “unitards, leotards, and thongs”; that would be a horrible development for the sport) caught up with MMA head honcho Dana White down in Arizona recently. During the 5-minute interview, which was only mildly profane and thus White at his most subdued, White claims (among other things) that he and UFC don’t need “blue-chip” sponsors. That he was only in Arizona to attend a finance convention doesn’t seem to affect such a statement. Video of the interview (NSFW language) is after the break.

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You might recall last week, when Herschel Walker was signed to Strikeforce among giggles and wide-eyed stares. Yes, he’s one of the most athletic men of his generation and he’s well-trained in martial arts… but he’s 47 and hasn’t even played in the NFL since 1997, nor is he trained in MMA yet. The three words running through most peoples’ minds were “what,” “the,” and “hell,” usually in that order.

(…Sort Of!)

As you might imagine, Dana White caught wind of the news, and when pressed for comment, laughed for 45 minutes straight. Okay, that’s not true, but White ridiculed the signing and called it “dumb competition.” Typical White, really. Walker, upon catching wind of the news, decided the right thing to do was challenge White to a duel of fisticuffs. This should end well.

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“She gets mad/Starts to cry/She takes a swing but/She can’t hit/She don’t mean no harm/She just don’t know/What else to do about it” - “Jane Says” by Jane’s Addiction

Most people assume that Jane’s Addiction’s seminal alt-rock ballad “Jane Says” is about their hometown of Los Angeles. It isn’t. It’s actually about Detroit, where lead singer Perry Farrell lived for some time.

It’s not actually about the Detroit Lions or their female fans, but the lyrics seem incredibly appropriate when watching this video from Sunday of a pair of loaded Lions fans making total asses of themselves after pouring beer on the head of a fan before getting hauled off by police to what was probably the biggest applause of the day:

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Few professions allow, nay - encourage, their practitioners to be so constantly and egregiously wrong as that of Mainstream Sports Columnist. Their entire careers are predicated on comforting their fellow old white men’s opinions that all change is bad, the NBA is full of “thugs,” and baseball statistics are the worst thing to happen in sports, ever.

(Would you call either of these men gay to their face?) 

Such professional contrarianism has been lucrative for Dallas columnist Tim Cowlishaw, who has played his whitebread opinions into a daily gig yelling at his colleagues on ESPN’s “Around The Horn.” Not content to hate everything new and changing about the nation’s mainstream sports,  he has now decided to focus his bland, toothless vitriol on the fastest-growing sport in the country: MMA. And he might have just, finally, gone too far.

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If the name “Bob Arum” sounds only vaguely familiar, that’s okay. That’s because boxing is only vaguely familiar to many younger sports fans, a demographic that has trended largely toward MMA over the last few years. But Arum’s a fight promoter, one who’s been in the business for decades, and is in charge of the Pacquiao-Cotto fight coming up this November.

(Granted, Melvin Costa’s tattoos really aren’t doing MMA any favors on this one.)

As you can imagine, Arum doesn’t hold MMA in very high regard. He’s also a very senior citizen who “grew up in a different era,” as polite people often say, and when pressed to elucidate his disdain for MMA, unleashed some ridiculously offensive comments, the likes of which you’d never hear from high-ranking people in any sport but boxing. Or, um, MMA. Video is below.

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UFC front man Dana White is rarely one to shy away from self promotion, so it was a little surprising to hear earlier this month his announcement (via Twitter, natch) that he would be ending his regular video blogs on YouTube. What could possibly be the reason for such uncharacteristic restraint from White? Gee, it wouldn’t have anything to do with calling reporter Loretta Hunt a “f–ing dumb bitch,” would it? Or perhaps that advertisers, TV producers, and most of the non-tribal-tatted world frowns upon such vile, misogynistic behavior?

Well, not according to White, who held his traditional pre-fight press conference extravaganza yesterday in anticipation of UFC 102.  Of course not. So what was the pesky reason behind dropping one of his most popular features among MMA meatheads?

It’s the economy, stupid! Hey, at least he didn’t blame it on swine flu.

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Despite the occasional craziness from chief Dana White, WWE-style bluster from Brock Lesnar, or morning TV sexytime from Tito Ortiz, UFC is still the serious big kid on the block when it comes to mixed martial arts. Fedor Emelianenko might be heading to Strikeforce, but in general when the best fighters on Earth get down to business, they do it in the Octagon.

Last night’s UFC 101 event was no exception, as the two main co-event victors Anderson Silva and B.J. Penn cemented themselves as two of MMA’s best fighters, both in surprisingly efficient - but quite different - fashion.

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After Affliction’s sudden, immediate, largely hilarious demise in the world of fight promotion (no worries, meatheads, you can still wear those silly shirts with the skulls and stuff on them), all eyes were immediately trained on human/wolverine hybrid Fedor Emelianenko.

(FEDOR FACT: punching people in the face is awesome.)

With his stature and the seeming dearth of serious UFC competition for fellow destruction machine Brock Lesnar, it seemed like Emelianenko was a natural fit for moving to the UFC. As a matter of fact, the LOS ANGELES TIMES cited sources close to the situation in a report that Fedor would be signing with UFC by Friday.

Um, about that. Whoops.

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The TORONTO GLOBE AND MAIL recently called MMA, albeit plaintively, “the miracle of sport marketing in the early 21st century.” It’s hard to argue. Even as recently as a year ago, EA Sports refused to believe MMA was a sport; now they’re fighting for a share of the burgeoning market. And now, with UFC 100 in the books, nobody doubts the staying power of the sport.

(Fortunately, Marcus Galvao eventually woke up.)

But perhaps the confidence is all premature. After all, the one hurdle MMA has never had to clear here in its heyday is its most inevitable, logical conclusion: death.

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