Jonathan Papelbon Is A [Expletive] Human Being

Boston 2029 A.D. - The machine rose from the ashes of the nuclear fire. His war to exterminate mankind has raged for decades, but his final battle would not be fought in the future. It would be fought here, in our present. Oops, wait a second, that’s the intro to The Terminator isn’t it? That movie was about machines, and you know who isn’t a machine? Jonathan Papelbon.

papelbon is human

The Boston Red Sox closer has proved as much recently, blowing a save last Tuesday and nearly blowing another one on Sunday. This after he hadn’t allowed a run in 20 1/3 innings during a stretch that lasted from July 21st to September 8th.

Still, his recent struggles have some folks in the Boston media worried about him, and Jonathan’s not too happy about it.  What Jonathan wants to know is, if you prick him, does he not [expletive] bleed?

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Manny To Play For Yankees To Punish Red Sox?

Yesterday, the BOSTON GLOBE’s Dan Shaughnessy claimed that Major League Baseball was investigating the circumstances of Manny Ramirez’s trade out of Boston. Something about playing at half-speed in recent weeks to force the Red Sox to deal him. (Isn’t half-speed the only way Manny knows how to play?)

Manny Ramirez and Roger Clemens

Turns out, the story was bunk, but according to George King of the NEW YORK POST, ManRam has grand plans to exact revenge on the organization that paid him more than $100 million:

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MLB Investigating Circumstances of Manny Trade?

So far, everything has just been peachy for Manny Ramirez in Los Angeles. In 6 games, he’s hitting .565 with 4 HRs and 9 RBIs, a power spike that happened far too rare in Boston this year. And this hot start is exactly why, according to Dan Shaughnessy of the BOSTON GLOBE, the MLB is investigating the trade.

Manny Ramirez Dodgers

You see, Shaughnessy’s “sources” in the commissioner’s office believe that this sudden outburst by high-level play by Manny is proof positive he was only half-trying in Boston, using his poor performance as leverage to force a trade. And if that’s true, then by golly, it’s time for them to do some ol’ fashioned investigatin’!

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ManRam Could Be On The Move Out Of Boston

It would be extremely difficult to imagine Manny Ramirez in anything other than a Boston Red Sox jersey. Yes, I know that he established himself as a monster at the plate while with Cleveland, but when I think of the double finger point, MBM and all the crazy goodness that comes with ManRam, I think of Boston. Really it’s the only thing keeping me from liking the Yankees more at this point.


But all of that could change. And might be changing, writes Dan Shaughnessy of the BOSTON GLOBE. Actually, Shaughnessy says it is changing. And that Manny is more or less already gone.

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Another Sad Day For The Guys Who Hate Bloggers

Last Friday, buried in the business section of the CHICAGO TRIBUNE, we found out that longtime Tribune “basketball expertSam Smith was “among 25 veteran Chicago Tribune writers and editors to take voluntary buyouts.

Bob Costas Sam Smith

Mr. Smith, of course, is a dear friend on bloggers everywhere, and will be sorely missed. Sadly, we’ll now have to check Smith off the list of a seemingly growing number of dinosaur media types who have lashed out at folks like us over the past year. Read more…

Stephen A. Smith: Bloggers Should Not Be Allowed To Reach Large Audience

SMITH: BLOGS “SHOULD NOT BE ALLOWED” BIG AUDIENCE: After entertaining us with some unintentional comedy gold late last week from Stephen A. Smith, Tom Hoffarth brings us an encore of Screamin’ A.’s personal theater of the absurd - by releasing more quotes from an apparently epic interview.

Stephen A. Smith

Smith first claims to Hoffarth that “internet writers” have no right to reach a large audience (we take it he’s actually serious): “And when you look at the internet business, what’s dangerous about it is that people who are clearly unqualified get to disseminate their piece to the masses. I respect the journalism industry, and the fact of the matter is …someone with no training should not be allowed to have any kind of format whatsoever to disseminate to the masses to the level which they can. They are not trained. Not experts.“The fun continues as Smith tells Hoffarth that bloggers have “sabotaged” the dinosaur print media: “The people who suffer are the common viewers out there and, more importantly, those in the industry who haven’t been fortunate to get a radio or television deal and only rely on the written word. And now they’ve been sabotaged. Not because of me. Or like me. But because of the industry or the world has allowed the average joe to resemble a professional without any credentials whatsoever.

Stephen A. Smith Quite Frankly

Smith’s well-reasoned comments about “sabotage” committed by bloggers perplex us. Why would the, as Smith calls them, “common viewers” turn away from the boundless wit and wisdom of men like Bill Conlin, Sam Smith and Dan Shaughnessy. Surely they entertain and engage more than MEN WHO LOOK LIKE OLD LESBIANS.

Dan Shaughnessy Sam Smith Bill Conlin Men Who Look Like Old Lesbians

Or maybe not.Finally, Smith addresses the hurtful accusation that he once wrote a column for the PHILADELPHIA INQUIRER on his Blackberry: “No, that’s total fabrication. I wrote my column on a Blackberry one time, at the (2004) NBA draft, I was on vacation (from the newspaper).

The gall of those heartless accusers! Thanks for clearing that up, Mr. Smith!