Not Even Famous Cards Alum Will Watch Game

Dan Dierdorf is the most famous player in Cardinals history, admittedly with little competition. So why is the Hall-of-Fame offensive lineman going to miss Arizona’s first Super Bowl appearance?

Dan Dierdorf

The afterthought of the longest-lasting MNF broadcast booth will be tooling around the West Indies on a yacht, instead of in Tampa with the rest of the Cardinal legends like…um…Emmitt Smith and Dennis Green. It’s hard to blame him - who in their right mind would schedule a vacation around an expected Arizona Super Bowl appearance?

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Chris Long Much Closer To Scoring Jared’s Porn

Terry Lefton of SPORTS BUSINESS DAILY points us to promotion by Subway that will definitely appeal to the masses trolling for internet porn who enjoy whiling away the day on the web. Oh yeah, and Chris Long fans!:

Jared Fogle Of Subway Sold Porn In College

(Indulge us, we just can’t get enough of this story)

Top NFL Draft prospect DE Chris Long has signed a deal with Subway that has him appearing in 15 Webisodes on Subwayfreshbuzz.com around the NFL Draft. Long also will make appearances for the restaurant chain. In some of the Webisodes, produced by Source Communications, Long shows Subway icon Jared Fogle how to attain “NFL shape.”

Jared Fogle Of Subway Hand Sanitizer Free

(Lost opp: Subway webisode could’ve featured Long as Purell endorser)

What you (and Chris Long) probably know: Jared (allegedly) used to sell porn in college.

What you (and Chris Long) probably don’t know: Jared (allegedly) used that experience as inspiration to develop the sweet onion sauce they slather on Subway’s mutant chicken subs. Read more…

We Had No Idea Dierdorf Wanted Back In As Coach

The Dolphins finally made their head coaching hire today.

Dan Dierdorf Tony Sparano Separated At Birth

We had no idea Dan Dierdorf wanted back in the game.

Bill Parcells Two Stomachs

We guess you can never have enough guys with two stomachs on the staff.