Speed Read: An Evening Of Florida Pillow-Fighting

Normally, you don’t see a broadcast booth spend a plurality of a football game raving about the “time of possession” statistic. Then again, normally, you don’t see a team win said battle by a full 30 minutes of game time, which is precisely what Miami did to Indianapolis last night. And then again, you don’t normally see a team control the ball for fewer than 15 minutes of the game… and win anyway.

Pierre Garcon gets two thumbs down
(”Okay, so you just scored the go-ahead touchdown. Allow me to retort: BOOOO THUMBS DOWN TO YOU BOOOOOOO!”)

But lo and behold, thanks to the quickest of quick-strike offenses, the Colts did exactly that; thanks to touchdown drives of 1, 6, and 4 plays, Indianapolis prevailed in Miami, 27-23. Indeed, the Colts’ longest drive of the night was a 9-play drive that led to a 2nd quarter field goal; on the other side of the field, the Fins had exactly one shorter drive: an 8-play, 25-yard drive that ended in a punt. After that, literally every drive of theirs was 9 plays or longer. That’s the longest shortest drive since [ERROR WE ARE NOT ELIAS SPORTS BUREAU CLIENTS ABORT, RETRY, FAIL?].

Ah, but without turnovers, time of possession is effectively meaningless. Read more…

Fidel Castro Not Dead Yet, Blogging About WBC

As if most bloggers weren’t already worthy of your scorn, Fidel Castro has apparently familiarized himself with Movable Type and is letting the world know just what he thinks about the World Baseball Classic. Well, at least we know one person in the world has been paying attention to the WBC.

Fidel Castro

Castro, who is apparently still alive, has been posting his daily thoughts on the tournament and the Cuban team in GRANMA, the hilariously named official paper of the Cuban Communist Party. And yes, it’s every bit as crazy as you’d expect. Join me and Comrade Fidel after the jump, for allegations of tournament-fixing, anti-capitalism rants, and casual racism.

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Female Cuban Judo Athlete Disappears in Miami

World judo champion Yurisel Laborde disappeared in Miami after winning a gold in the Pan American Championships last week. The Cuban athlete left a note of explanation and took all her belongings with her. (We imagine that’s a short note: “Guess. Later!”)

Yurisel Laborde

(We suspect she can take care of herself)

She stood to be an Olympic favorite in Beijing this summer. It’s not clear how this will affect her ability to attend the Olympics for any country. While it is still possible Laborde could rejoin the team and head back to Cuba Monday, it seems terribly unlikely.

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Cuban Footers Defect; Lou Dobbs To Patrol Pitch

The MIAMI HERALD has the story about five members of the Cuban national under-23-year-old team that took part in in a qualifying tournament for the Olympics in Tampa and decided they liked the place so much that they’d settle down and seek political asylum.

cuban u-23 team

”We’re fine, calm, feeling hopeful about our new lives,” (team captain Yenier) Bermudez told The Miami Herald by phone Wednesday night. “Of course, we’re nervous because we’re young, have no family here, and we don’t yet know the way of life here, but we hope the Cuban and American communities will help us get started.”

And, uhhhh, if they don’t help us, we’ll always be able to do headers on the streets for spare change and Chex Mix! Read more…

With Fidel Gone, Cuba Teeing Up For Golf Revival?

With Fidel Castro calling it quits, The WALL STREET JOURNAL slices over news of Cuba trying to gather some some green by bringing back golf.

Fidel Castro playing golf

So, why has there been such a shortage of links in the Caribbean nation - besides abject poverty, limited tourism and communist beliefs that golf is a vile symbol of capitalist sloth? Apparently because Fidel’s a sore loser. Read more…

Mike & Mike Get In A Lather For Soap Opera Scene

Mike Golic & Mike Greenberg bust their acting chops in “Guiding Light“:

Mike Greenberg and Mike Golic on Guiding Light

Wonder if they’ll bring Dana Jacobson along to the Daytime Emmys?

A-Rod is pumped at the thought of his daughters marrying Andy Pettitte.

Knicks teammates Zach Randolph & Nate Robinson exchange words - then some water & towels.

The Big Cactus needles Kareem & Wilt The Stilt about a lack of respect.

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The Baseball Effects Of Fidel Castro’s Resignation

USA TODAY has a piece today on the demise of Fidel Castro and how it could affect the talent flow to Major League Baseball.

Fidel Castro and Bud Selig

Castro was noted for his particular baseball obsession, developing national teams over the years that have had major league scouts drooling. There were eight Cuban-born players in the major leagues during the 2007 season; all defectors from the country. Recent defector Alexei Ramirez is expected to join Jose Contreras and Livan and Orlando Hernandez when the White Sox begin play this year.

Read more…