I love you, England. I love you because your women have English accents, and they can make literally anything sound far more interesting than if an American says it. Also, your jokes are usually funnier and there’s nothing produced by an American television company quite like the BBC’s Top Gear.
(Somehow, I don’t think you thought your cunning plans all the way through.)
Oh, and also, only in England can you hear a lawyer say the following: “You know it cannot have been a good night when you get into a fight with Spiderman and two cross-dressing men.” Did we mention the two men in question are MMA fighters? And that closed-circuit cameras captured the whole fight? Nighty-night, drunk men; video is after the break.
PROTIP: If you’re trying to determine whether a lady is actually, y’know, a lady (and let’s face it, we’ve all been there), you may not be looking for the right signs. Ladies can have manhands, Adam’s apples, or even hairy chests.* The key is to look at the structure the hips and legs; men’s legs are straight up and down, while women are genetically predisposed to have wider hips and femurs at a significantly different angle. It’s the one physical feature that’s purely impossible to hide.
Of course, you can also quite easily tell if the person in question is in a men’s locker room while he and his his teammates laugh uncontrollably while he puts on women’s clothing and dances. Oh, and the censors don’t even blur out the man-nipples. Dead giveaway, there. That’s Jose Mijares, above, celebrating a victory with fellow Twins by donning, ahem, a most alternate uniform.
Video is below. You want to watch it. Yes, you do. Read more…