In our last episode, Pepe the Witch, a sorcerer from the Málaga Province in Spain, announced that he had placed a voodoo curse in Real Madrid’s Cristiano Ronaldo that was responsible for the soccer star’s recent ankle injury. But why would Pepe do such a thing? He’s always been a benevolent witch, using his powers mostly for good; except occasionally getting women’s dresses to fly up as they walk by.

Someone paid him to do it, said Pepe. And that someone? Paris Hilton, Cristiano’s “jilted lover” who — according to Pepe — took a voodoo doll of Ronaldo and “stabbed him in the spine.” Results, presumably, above.

But there’s more to this tale; apparently Pepe’s curse went much deeper than a foot injury. And sadly, it affects us all. The horrifying result of the voodoo curse on Cristiano Ronaldo, following the jump. Read more…