Will NFL Branded Condoms Be Hitting Your 7-11?

As you may have heard, it will be a blue Christmas for more than 150 NFL employees, who will lose their jobs as part of some financial belt-tightening by the league in response to the recession. But that’s apparently not the only way the NFL is being impacted by the economy’s collapse. Paul Domowitch of the PHILADELPHIA DAILY NEWS says that some owners have floated the idea of selling ad space on jerseys, like in NASCAR or European soccer.

NFL Condoms

And NFL owners are so desperate for cash, that they apparently would be willing to let you put team logos on just about anything:

“This may be the one time you could get an NFL condom license,” said an executive for one of the league’s larger licensees. “If you’ll give them a $50,000 guarantee for 3 years, they’ll let you be a licensee.”

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College Baller’s Condom Theft Goes Wildly Wrong

You must feel sorry for Malik Alvin and his generously sized mancannon.

Malik Alvin Trojan Condom Stealer

(Show-off.)

At tiny Binghamton University, the school housing authority tries to meet its students’ contraceptual needs, offering condoms for free, but clearly their selection just couldn’t quite measure up. We struggle to think of any other reason why Alvin, a junior guard from Philadelphia via UTEP and Chipola JC, would try to steal a box of Trojan Magnums (Magnums, people; he’s either having sex or wrapping up parking meters) from a local Wal-Mart. Security there noticed Alvin enter a restroom carrying two boxes of the jimmy hats and leave with none, but the real fun began when they approached him and Alvin fled.

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Brazil Awarded 2014 World Cup After Being On Candidate Considered

STOCK TIP: TIME TO INVEST IN CONDOM COMPANIES NOW! The ASSOCIATED PRESS reports that after much prolonged, agonizing consternation, FIFA decided this week to award the 2014 World Cup to Brazil.

Brazil Soccer Fan

It was a really tough decision for Sepp Blatter & Co., considering “Brazil was the only candidate and won in a unanimous vote Tuesday by the executive committee of the sport’s governing body.

Brazil Soccer Fan

Bob Barker’s “Price Is Right” wheel landed on South America in 2014 to host the Cup, as FIFA recently decided to spread the world’s biggest sporting spectacle to all the six major continents (which is why hell-hole South Africa got 2010).

Brazil Soccer Fan

We actually look forward to attending the tourney in Brazil, and we’ve already packed the requisite forty condoms.