Note to Martellus Bennett: This is not exactly how Spike Lee started out. While the concept of a “Black Olympics” — speed eating watermelon and fried chicken, among other stereotypical delicacies — may have looked funny on paper, the Dallas Cowboys’ tight end would do well to run his student films by a focus group before unleashing them on the public.
After a rather significant media backlash over Bennett’s YouTube masterpiece, the aspiring filmmaker and part-time NFL player has had to take to the airwaves for damage control. While defending his concept, he still managed to prop up the old “If I offended anyone, I’m sorry” bromide. Come on Marcellus, you’re better than that.
Ask any player, and they’ll tell you a championship ring is priceless (at least until they fall behind on their taxes and have to sell it on eBay). But that’s a drippy, sentimental answer. An inquiring public wants to know, how much moolah can you get for one? And can we get a better estimate than from Cash4Gold?
Let’s take the most recent ring handed out, the Phillies’ 2008 World Series ring. The team won’t put a dollar figure on the white gold and diamond rings, but that won’t stop a jeweler from appraising it. And would you believe it costs less than the ring given to an eating contest winner?
If there was ever any question that Russians are hyper competitive at everything, well, throw those doubts out the window. According to a story from THE KOMSOMOLSKAYA PRAVDA, via the blog PRAVDA, the champion of a recent pancake eating contest ate every single pancake thrown at him, then collapsed and died on stage after winning the contest outright. If that wasn’t drastic enough, this is: The revelers in the town of Chernyakhovsk, celebrating a holiday called “Butter Week”, kept on celebrating after the dead man was carted away.
(CC Sabathia: Unimpressed)
The story claims that 48-year-old Boris Isayev collapsed while walking up to receive his medal, suffocating with foam at his mouth. If you read between the lines, it sounds as if Isayev was literally filled up with pancake dough, all the way through his esophagus to his windpipe, precisely the type of condition that confirms what we’ve always known: Shaun Rogers and CC Sabathia would be beasts in Russian pancake eating contests.
Matt Freaking Stairs. The 40-year-old who had all of 17 at-bats with the Phillies after being acquired from the Blue Jays on August 30th hit the first postseason bomb of his career in the eighth inning off of Jonathan Broxton as the Phils came from behind to stun the Dodgers 7-5 and go up 3-1 in the NLCS.
Stairs has had a decent career. He has 254 regular-season home runs, which is second all-time among Canadians. But if you’re a Phillies fan did you ever think that a guy who coaches hockey in Maine in the off-season was going to turn into your hero? Stairs, who seemed a little astounded by the whole experience, makes no bones about trying to hit long balls (and man, was it long):
“I try to swing for the fences,” Stairs said. “That’s what I’ve done my whole career. I was very fortunate to square one up tonight.”
Meanwhile, things are going so well for the Rays that Rocco Baldelli is hitting home runs off Red Sox pitching. Baldelli has overcome seven knee replacements and Ebola to get back into baseball, and now his team has a 2-1 series lead over the defending champs. The BOSTON GLOBE’s Amalie Benjamin is panicking a little because Jacoby Ellsbury isn’t getting on base and David Ortiz doesn’t have a hit in the series, while the Rays have hit seven homers in the last two games.
The Giants can take some solace in knowing that most of the sports world was watching baseball last night, because they got their heads bashed in by the Browns, 35-14. The rest of the world rejoices as the Brady Quinn era just got moved back at least another week. And I guess Kellen Winslow’s balls can keep swelling up because his teammates didn’t miss them.
How bad is the upcoming Tampa Bay-Seattle matchup on Sunday Night Football this week? So horrifying that John Maddencan’t even imagine sitting through it. The big winner in all of this? Cris Collinsworth, who doesn’t have to hang out with Olbermann and Patrick all night now. (”Dan, have I used ‘it’s deep, and I don’t think it’s playable’ this week yet?”). Of course we all know the real reason Madden is staying home: he can’t miss the season premiere of Frank TV.
• I know you want to see it, so here it is. Footage of a bunch of idiots slamming as many Famiglia pizza slices into their yaps as they can in 10 minutes. Famiglia? I’ve had that garbage in the JetBlue terminal at JFK. I can barely keep one down.
• Two Toledo football players celebrated their win at Michigan by getting arrested. From one big house to another, all in the same day!• The season of North Carolina receiver and kick returner Brandon Tate is over. Bill Cole of the WINSTON-SALEM JOURNAL has all the details. Tate is the all-time NCAA leader in combined punt and kickoff return yardage.• After the Lane Kiffin firing, ESPN’s Chris Mortensen has turned his attentions to all things Adam Jones. Mort says that if Sir Adam was drinking the night that he got in his bodyguard altercation, that would be violation of his probation and could mean the end of his season.
It’s time again for ASK A SPORTS BLOG, where high profile athletes and sports celebrities turn the table and ask their most pressing questions to a rising young Internet sports website. (With complete anonymity, of course.)
Dear Sports Blog,
I’m an athlete in a sporting league, with the difference being instead of running and trying to put a moderately-sized ball into a goal of some type, I just eat stuff. It’s kind of weird, I know, but it’s the talent I have. And I’ve been good at it for a while, but recently someone has bested me in the contest I’m known for winning. And it happens to be happening again soon on an upcoming American holiday. I don’t want to disgrace my home country yet again. How can I get the competitive edge to eat more than the other guy?
Schmitz: “They were unable to hold their usual morning shoot-around at Wachovia Center because of ‘The Wing Bowl,’ the annual chicken wing-eating contest scheduled for the Friday before the Super Bowl. Doors opened at 6 a.m. and the eating began at 7:55 a.m.
“‘We didn’t get in on the wing thing,’ laughed Magic Coach Stan Van Gundy.” Read more…