Say, have you heard about this swine flu thing? You know the one - horrible mutant virus that’s going to kill us all, so on and so forth. It’s the thing that’s got everyone talking (and so far, somewhere between 12 and 169 people dying).

In fact, “swine flu” is the new “economy” in that the cable news networks can’t stop talking about it, it’s got everyone panicked, and it’s a convenient excuse for whatever problems one may be facing at the moment. For an example on how this last part works, REDSKINS INSIDER checked in with Washington Redskins running back/raconteur Clinton Portis, who is worried about swine flu affecting his play. Read more…

• Super Bowl viewers in Tucson were treated to a 30-second clip of some guy’s schlong. And for those who are curious, here’s what they saw.

• That pornographic interruption was probably more fun than actually going to a Super Bowl party.

• Should Erin Andrews and other female sports reporters get the chance to graduate from the sidelines to the broadcast booth?

• The USOC is seething over a strip club hosting its own “Pole Olympics“.

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We mentioned a few weeks ago that the Pro Bowl was going to be moving from Hawaii to the mainland starting next year, with the 2010 game being played in Miami. At the time, we speculated that the players would be thrilled with moving the game to Miami as part of the expected rotation of sites for a variety of reasons, including the South Beach nightlife, easier travel and better facilities.

(This guy is the voice of reason. Seriously.)

But the factor we didn’t consider was that having the game in Hawaii protects the players from their own worst enemy: themselves. At least that’s the opinion of Redskins Pro Bowler Clinton Portis, who told the ASSOCIATED PRESS that moving the game to Miami is apparently a recipe for disaster:

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Dan Steinberg of DC SPORTS BOG keeps us current on night club advice by quizzing local pro athletes about how to make the scene. Or more specifically, how to avoid ending up on your friendly neighborhood slumming sports blog the next morning.

(Chris Cooley doesn’t dance for wife Christy, but he does walk their Westie)

Redskins Tight End Chris Cooley tells Steinberg that eschewing alcohol you can’t see through is a good start:

“Everyone wants to drink a shot,” Cooley explained. “Don’t drink whiskey. I used to drink Jack Daniels. Bad decision. You get too filled up.”

“Everyone wants to do a shot with me,” he said. “I don’t know if that’s my image or what it is, but I can’t drink shots any more, because it wound up being 20 shots. Everywhere I go, ‘Do a shot with us!!!’ No more. That’s my tip as a pro athlete, don’t do a shot. And don’t dance if you’re [bad] at it, because everyone watches.”

“Everyone watches” is now code for “Everyone has a cellphone camera and a Youtube account.”

Meanwhile, Washington Wiz forward Caron Butler imparts evening-out wisdom that could also be taken to heart by your local garden variety mafia hit man and/or Pacman Jones and/or Plax: Read more…

LaVar Arrington hates Joe Gibbs. Clinton Portis hates Jim Zorn. Everybody hates Dan Snyder. Yes, it’s a great time to be involved with the Washington Redskins, as a once-promising season goes down the drain and even local governments don’t want anything to do with the team.

Nearby Loudon County, Va., home of the Skins’ training camp and corporate offices, voted to have nothing further to do with the sinking ship. The Board of Supervisors voted against a sweeping partnership with the team that could have led to a Redskins Hall of Fame. For what seems like it might’ve been a pretty good tourist draw, Loudoun demurred over the matter of $100,000.

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Well, Jim Zorn has officially passed the fun, “everyone loves him” stage of coaching that included “Horny for Zorny” t-shirts, and is now in the full-fledged dregs of losing streaks and chemistry problems. All it took was benching star running back Clinton Portis.

(The many faces of Portis, via JUSTCALLMEJUICE. Zorn likes none of them.)

With Portis playing in only one series in the second half of Sunday night’s Washington loss to the Ravens, the running back who only a couple weeks ago was the league’s leading rusher was all too happy to unload on Zorn and the rest of the Redskins staff during his weekly appearance on the John Thompson show this afternoon. Luckily, DC SPORTS BOG was transcribing as quickly as Dan Steinberg’s little fingers would move. What do we mean by “unload on”? Well, take a gander yourself:

“We got a genius for a head coach, I don’t know, I’m sure he on top of things. He’s got everything figured out. Hey, that’s up to him. All I can do is when he calls a play is go out and try to execute to the best of my ability.”

How about this gem?:

“What I need to be around for is Sundays and that’s what I try to be around for. So I mean, if you’ve got a problem with me not practicing and can’t do it that way, maybe you feel like you need to sever ties, split ties with me? Split ties with me. But don’t sit here and throw me out like I don’t pay attention, like I don’t know what’s going on, like I’m making mistakes, I’m the problem. You know, so, it is what it is, bro.”

Oh, don’t worry. There’s even more after the jump.

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Typing that headline above was difficult, because I don’t think even the first half has ever been said by anybody ever. Peyton Manning is not average. He is not human. He’s still the guy who had the record for most passing TDs for a few years before last season’s ridiculousness that was Tom Brady and the Patriots*. And yet there he was at Lambeau today, throwing for 229 yards and two touchdowns. The teensy eensy problem with that line is that those touchdowns were for Green Bay, who slapped the Colts around and led by as many as 27 points up until garbage time. 34-14 is your final.

Yes, the Green Bay offense only outscored Indianapolis‘ offense by a count of 20-14, but the rest of the stats confirm the domination. Green Bay racked up 23 first downs, punted all of twice today (both boomed for touchbacks), and kept the ball for over 33 minutes, tiring a Colts defense that obviously misses reigning Defensive POY Bob Sanders.

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• What the hell does DUMP CASEY BLAKE (dot blogspot dot com) do when Mark Shapiro actually dumps him on Steady Neddy Colletti? Dump David Dellucci, of course. Although I recommend just sticking with the same name myself. Also: Ned loves Blake. He’s a gamer. Just a tough gamer. Clearly.

• YOU BEEN BLINDED dials up video of Carlos Zambrano getting K-balled in a fast pitch softball league from back in June.

• MISTER IRRELEVANT eulogizes the loss of Red Lasso, every blogger’s best friend. I, for one, welcome Brian Powell as our new video overlord.

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• MR. IRRELEVANT believes that the Wizards signing Gilbert Arenas to a $126 million deal is worth the mountain of moolah.

• DC SPORTS BLOG learns that cute young girls love to have their pictures taken with Clinton Portis, even if they don’t know who he is.

• JOE SPORTS FAN changes the channel, as ESPN dedicates a full hour of airtime to announce the nominees for their ESPY Awards.

• Greg Oden heads back to school to take a biology class, but not before he stops by the Taste of Chicago.

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• DEADSPIN thinks they have the braaaaaaiiiiins to play zombie kickball.

• WITH LEATHER thinks it’s lovely that USC assistant coach Pat Ruel is so enraptured by Pete Carroll.

• THE BIG LEAD tries to clean up the BCS mess by suggesting the creation of some college football superconferences.

• THE SPORTS HERNIA believes Jason Giambi’s mustache has gone from state trooper to state corrections inmate.

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