• MR. IRRELEVANT believes that the Wizards signing Gilbert Arenas to a $126 million deal is worth the mountain of moolah.

• DC SPORTS BLOG learns that cute young girls love to have their pictures taken with Clinton Portis, even if they don’t know who he is.

• JOE SPORTS FAN changes the channel, as ESPN dedicates a full hour of airtime to announce the nominees for their ESPY Awards.

• Greg Oden heads back to school to take a biology class, but not before he stops by the Taste of Chicago.

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• DEADSPIN thinks they have the braaaaaaiiiiins to play zombie kickball.

• WITH LEATHER thinks it’s lovely that USC assistant coach Pat Ruel is so enraptured by Pete Carroll.

• THE BIG LEAD tries to clean up the BCS mess by suggesting the creation of some college football superconferences.

• THE SPORTS HERNIA believes Jason Giambi’s mustache has gone from state trooper to state corrections inmate.

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CLINTON PORTIS RUNS BACK TO DRESSING UP FOR MEDIA: Those of you worried that Clinton Portis would no longer be coming out of the closet…with new funky threads, fear not!

DC SPORTS BOG dresses up news of the Redskins RB puttin’ on the ritz in the only way he knows how.For this season’s showcase, Clinton was sporting a samurai-inspired coif, with big sunglasses and a ruffled flamenco shirt straight from the Ricky Ricardo collection.

But this wasn’t Portis. No, it was all under the guise of Choo-Choo, dance instructor to the stars. As he told the enraptured media members, he taught Santana Moss how to dance, and Antwaan Randle-El how to dance, and Mike Sellers how to dance, and…well, you get the idea.

Too bad Choo-Choo didn’t roll out earlier, as he could have locomoted some tips over to Mark Cuban.Ole’!

• As LeBron gets ready to host “Saturday Night Live” (is that show still on?), Jeff Gordon of FOX SPORTS races in to tell these celebrity athletes, “Don’t quit your day job“:

• And when King James isn’t starring in lame skits, he’s teaming up with Russian racketeer Maria Sharapova to help fight poverty.

• STORMING THE FLOOR gives away news that NBA star Carmelo Anthony is in a charitable mood these days.

• FAN IQ has their boogie fever bought out, as Chad Johnson’s next end zone dance will be brought to you by GoDaddy:

• Speaking of Ocho Cinco, we finally have a winner in his Yahoo-sponsored Touchdown Celebration Showdown.

• ALL-AMERICAN PATRIOTS quenches our thirst, as Kevin Durant becomes the first-ever NBA rookie to sign a deal with Gatorade.

• MR. IRRELEVANT feels the anger rising within, as Redskins RB Clinton Portis just wants the damn ball:

• FIRE JOE MORGAN doesn’t find it Natural that the Rangers would play that song after a Sammy Sosa homer.

• RUMORS AND RANTS just won’t let some things go, as Vince Young is still miffed about not winning the Heisman.

• With the NBA season not too far away, THE BLOWTORCH pays tribute to the finest basketball stashes ’staches:

• CAN’T STOP THE BLEEDING gets the poop on the pigeon problem at Paul Brown Stadium.

• These just won’t stop: AZ SPORTS HUB finds the latest “Leave Britney Alone!!!” video spoof - this time, in support of benched Bears QB Rex Grossman.

• DEADSPIN bottoms out with Miami Heat player James Posey throwing up signs, while a girl is just throwing up:

• SONS OF SAM MALONE hopes to Bond victims together with their 10-step program in dealing with 755*.

• FIRE JOE MORGAN laughed until they stopped, as they perform their own analysis of Jay Mohr on FoxSports.com.

• BEARS NECESSITY hopes future Cal student Allison Stokke can finally get away from the spotlight she keeps vaulting into:

• After Tom Glavine, will another pitcher ever be able to reach 300 wins? Rahula Strohl of CHICAGOSPORTS.COM locates a candidate who could be next.

• Stephen Holder of the ST. PETERSBURG TIMES reminisces about Clinton Portis not telling his college coach he was going pro.

• What are they showing on the Lambeau Jumbotron? PACKERS REPORT points out that Family Night at the Green Bay stadium costs “less than price of an adult movie ticket.”

• YARDBARKER knows it’s all about the benjamins, as LeBron James gets money advice from his childhood friends.

• RAIDER TAKE knows this season is the one, as laid out in their Oakland Raiders manifesto.

• ARIZONA SPORTS HUB has lost a reader, now that Sun Devils QB Rudy Carpenter doesn’t want to read about himself ‘n’ Brynn ‘n’ Matt anymore:

• BRUINS NATION finds that UCLA football coach Karl Dorrell is the real Mr. Irrelevant.

• LION IN OIL kicks out the jams, as a young rapper is bringin’ his mad b-ball skillz to da SC, G.