I used to sit in the press box at Shea Stadium for several years, and since I wasn’t exactly the most important guy in the room, my seat was below a large pipe whose purpose I never quite understood. All I know is that it often dripped what I assume was water, though I usually try not to think about the source. I’m just glad they have a nice new stadium there now so this kind of stuff doesn’t happen anymore.

(New name, same problems.)

What’s that? Citi Field is already a crumbling mess? FANHOUSE’s Tom Fornelli, citing a NEW YORK POST report, says the new stadium is riddled with structural issues even though the debut season isn’t even over yet. No word on whether the issues are related to a shirtless Tony Bernazard challenging the stadium to a fight.

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• He hasn’t even thrown a pass yet, but Jets QB Mark Sanchez is already cementing his status as a Big Apple sex symbol with a GQ photo spread:

And Hilary Rhoda, the bikini-clad babe sharing the snapshot spotlight, is also apparently Mark’s new main squeeze.

• Tony Kornheiser gives up his “Monday Night Football” gig, so ESPN tabs Jon Gruden as his replacement. It should be fun, considering what the ex-Bucs coach has said in the past about the Worldwide Leader.

• Will recent sex scandals cause Australian rugby to ban its cheerleaders?

• The Pepsi Center double-books a Nuggets-Lakers playoff game & WWE’s “Monday Night Raw” on the same night. Of course, Vince McMahon is going to have lots of fun with this Denver Debacle.

• Pussycat Doll Nicole Scherzinger is hoping her boyfriend, Formula One star Lewis Hamilton, will soon race with her to the wedding altar.

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• Wondering who that bikini-clad brunette babe is in Mark Sanchez’s GQ photoshoot? Wonder no more - say hello to Hilary Rhoda.

• The L.A. Clippers win the 1st pick in the NBA lottery. Can’t wait to see how they screw it up this time!

• Najeh Davenport won’t take any crap from thieves trying to steal his car.

• Joe Montana gets a coaching gig with his son’s high school football team.

• It’s funny when a Mets fan loses a gold tooth in a Citi Field toilet. It’s even funnier when the same fan gets her arm stuck in the same toilet.

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Two weeks ago Citi Field was christened with its first fistfight. Last week it was christened with its first streaker. Well, the ballpark’s officially open now, since the first Mets fan got trapped in the toilet.

Reinforcing every stereotype we have about Mets fans, the woman got her arm lodged in the toilet after trying to fish out the gold tooth she dropped in there. She was trapped for hours while security and plumbers worked to free her, the toilet flushing on her arm the entire time.

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• Meet Maria Verchenova, the swinging Russian sweetie who hopes to do in golf what fellow countrywoman Maria Sharapova has done in tennis.

• Glen “Big Baby” Davis makes Magic fans cry by hitting a game-winning shot - then bowls over a young courtside spectator. Of course, the kid’s dad isn’t very happy with the Raging Luna-Celtic.

• A Baltimore-area stripper claims that there’s nothing Michael Phelps likes better than sex & spitting tobacco.

• That Nuggets-Mavericks series certainly was a fierce one. If it wasn’t Mark Cuban getting into it with Kenyon Martin’s mom, it was Carmelo Anthony’s fiancee LaLa Vasquez jawing with Dallas fans.

• But Dirk Nowitzki steered clear of any such confrontations, since he had his own problems with his own fraudulent fiancee. Hey, Dirk - Tony Banks feels your pain.

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• We’re quite Bullish on Joakim Noah’s bare-breasted beach bunny:

• The Game 7 finale of the fantastic Penguins-Capitals series turned out to be a pretty boring blowout.

• Sam Young’s burgeoning NBA career may have been screwed up by a loose screw.

• Two strokes aren’t stopping an ump trying to get back to the Big Show.

• Citi Field’s first streaker took eight years to plan out his magical run.

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On Tuesday morning Craig Coakley woke up and went to work with a smile on his face.  That’s because he knew that Tuesday was going to be the last time he woke up as a nobody, for he was going to make his mark on the world that night.  Then his moment arrived when he stripped off his clothes, tied a toy monkey around his waist, and became the first streaker in the history of Citi Field.

It was an epic, magical moment that all of those in attendance with share with family and friends for years to come.

For Coakley I’m sure his life as a plumber is over, and now a new world of celebrity and power surely awaits him.  That or possibly a year in jail and definitely a fine, but that’s cool too.  A year in jail is nothing compared to the eight years Coakley spent planning his moment in the spotlight.

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Maybe they’ve technically been playing baseball there for a month, but Citi Field finally opened officially last night. Remember, it’s not officially Spring until the first Phillies fan gets knocked out with an overhand right.

This is the second one-punch knockout we’ve featured this week, which just goes to show you the Northeast has cornered the market on boozing meatheads. And there’s something in this video for you even if you’re not a fan of either team: the two fanbases are slowly removing themselves from the gene pool, drunken brawl by drunken brawl.

Video (with NSFW language) after the jump.

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The Mets have now played six games in their new ballpark, Citi Field, and while it looks like a very nice stadium from what I’ve seen of it on television, Mets fans do have some complaints about the place. No doubt the price of a ticket to attend a game there is one of them, as is the team’s 3-3 record there so far. But a major theme amongst the faithful seems to be the lack of Mets history around the ballpark.

That’s something Dwight Gooden tried to help with when he visited the stadium for its first game. While hanging out in the Ebbets Club and at the suggestion of one of the fans, Doc took out a Sharpie and signed a blank gray area of the wall next to the bar, writing “Doc Gooden 84 R.O.Y., 85 Cy Young, 86 W.S. Champs.” The Mets were not amused.  They didn’t spend $632 million on the place to have players sign the walls.

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If you’ve ever shopped for women’s clothing at a baseball stadium, and I’m sure you have, you’ve undoubtedly come away unimpressed time and time again that the team store does not carry the latest celebrity fashions. For some reason, these stadium boutiques, or “team stores” as they’re called, are more interested in carrying such oddities as team jerseys, hats, and memorabilia. What’s a fashionable young woman to do?

Lucky for Mets fans, famous worldwide as trendy fashionistas, there is now an alternative to uncouth, appropriately-colored team apparel. This afternoon, actress and known baseball groupie Alyssa Milano was on hand at Citi Field to open the first boutique store of her “touch” MLB-themed clothing line.

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