You know that we’ve really gone through the looking glass when Kevin Love is breaking big NBA news via Twitter. That’s what happened just a few hours ago, as Love Tweeted us all that Kevin McHale will not be returning to the Timberwolves next season.

From Love’s Twitter feed, your finest source for breaking NBA news: “Today is a sad day … Kevin McHale will NOT be back as head coach this season.” As of this writing, however, the report has not been confirmed by the Timberwolves.

More from Love on Twitter:

P.S. I am not a breaking news guy…I had no idea no one knew..I’ll tell them I stayed at a holiday inn express last night. Always works…. about 6 hours ago

And from The MINNEAPOLIS STAR-TRIBUNE:

Upon seeing the posting, a person in the league was told McHale sent a text message to Love indicating he was not coming back. The person requested anonymity because no official announcement has been made.

New team president David Kahn and a Timberwolves spokesman did not immediately return messages left by The Associated Press.

McHale and Love grew very close during the rookie’s first season in Minnesota, especially after McHale left his front office position to take over as coach in December.

During a breakfast with media members on Monday, Kahn said no decision had been made and he hoped to meet with McHale again this week.

Now on to the wacky world of baseball. To prove what kind of a game we’re dealing with, both Willy Taveras (0-for-his-past-32) and Chipper Jones (0-for-21) got hits for the Atlanta Braves on Tuesday against Cincinnati. But it was the Reds’ Killer Rain Delay Tarpaulin of Doom which stole the show. When it was all over, there were two lengthy rain delays, one very embarrassed groundskeeper and a 7-2 Cincinnati victory.

The unfortunate lass above being swallowed by the tarp is Robin Habisch, whose colleagues have evidently never heard of the Army motto “No man left behind.” Attempting to roll out the tarp during heavy rain and wind during the top of the third, the grounds crew finally got the upper hand, only to have Habisch disappear underneath the fabric.

She groped around underneath, burrowing Bugs Bunny-like, until at last finding freedom. This all delighted Brandon Phillips, who mocked her relentlessly in the dugout afterward. And she even got interviewed by FSN.

Heavy rain resulted in the 1-hour, 54-minute delay in the top of the third inning. A member of the grounds crew lost her footing as she helped drag the tarp over the infield, leaving her trapped briefly. She got to her feet and found her way out unharmed, receiving an ovation from the 19,127 wet fans.

Crew chief Joe West herded the teams back onto the field with a steady rain falling and sections of the warning track submerged. Only two outs later, the rain turned back into a downpour, resulting in another delay of 21 minutes.

Laynce Nix drove in three runs with a groundout and a pair of doubles and Phillips had three hits, as the Reds ended a four-game losing streak.

And now from the land of personalized jerseys we get this Cardinals head-scratcher, which may be a reference to a St. Louis icon with whom I’m unaware (”Come on, catcher Pickles Dillhoefer, the Ghost Man! Jeez!”). But more likely, as pointed out by JOE SPORTS FAN, “Ghost Man” represents that imaginary runner used in pickup games when you’ve only got three or four players per team (also popular in Wiffle Ball).

But why would anyone want to be Ghost Man? That guy sucked … he usually got on base with a single, which is lame when there’s only three fielders. Then, if you played by the same rules that I did, he advanced only one base per hit; two for a double, three for a triple — the Steve Balboni of pinch runners. So if he’s on second and you single cleanly to right, he’s too slow to score. Nice use of $300.

Other stories to ponder after figuring out exactly how many helium balloons it would actually take to lift your house …

• New Zealand golf officials are experimenting with shortening official rounds to nine holes. This is met by cheers from everyone except caddies.

• It wasn’t a good day for Arkansas TV reporter Mike Irwin, who was trying to do a live remote from the CWS in Omaha when fan pandemonium broke out (below). Instead of rolling with it, though, Mike got pissed, and called for security. Why would I imagine that this is exactly how Joe Buck would have handled it?

• It goes to 11, and stops: Gabe Kapler’s four RBIs help the Rays end the Rockies’ 11-game winning streak.

• Speake High of Danville won the Alabama 1A softball title on Tuesday, days before the school is scheduled to close forever. Take that, downsizing.

• Delicious Pudge, anyone? Houston’s Ivan Rodriguez ties the MLB record for games played at catcher, at 2,226. Carlton Fisk immediately announces unretirement.

It was an incredibly tumultuous night in Cleveland, and the Cavaliers losing to the Wizards was the least shocking news of the night. (Although as the WASHINGTON POST’s Michael Lee points out, Washington joins the Lakers and Celtics as the only teams to beat Cleveland twice this season.) Yes, it’s not often that the best team in the league loses to the worst team in the league, but the Wizards are a unique case, with Gilbert Arenas and Brendan Haywood finally back playing after missing almost all of the season with injuries.

No, most of the evening drama in Cleveland involved the Browns. First came some fallout from Jay Cutler’s trade to the Bears, specifically reports that Cleveland had tried to work out a three-way deal with the Broncos and Redskins that would have sent Brady Quinn to Denver and Jason Campbell to Cleveland. Browns coach Eric Mangini spent Thursday night denying these reports; expect Quinn to demand a trade because the Browns tried to trade him sometime within the next week.

And later in the evening, there was news in the DUI manslaughter case against Browns WR Donte Stallworth, and it was more than just his first appearance at a court hearing. It turns out that Stallworth was already in the NFL’s substance abuse program at the time of his arrest, which opens him up to a whole range of punishment from the league. Of course, he’s facing charges that could land him in jail for at least eight years, and having a history of substance abuse issues is not going to help his case, so I’d say that Roger Goodell is the least of Stallworth’s problems right now.

Meanwhile, there were no problems at the opening of the Hard Rock Cafe Yankee Stadium yesterday, just a lot of unintentional comedy as reported by MLB.COM. What do I mean? How about Yankees’ Executive Vice President Hal “The Pretty One” Steinbrenner joining rock stars/C-list celebs with nothing better to do Ace Frehley of KISS, Scott Ian and Frank Bello of Anthrax, Darryl “DMC” McDaniels, Bernie Williams and members of the Seminole Nation to smash guitars instead of cutting a ribbon. And yes, this means rock and roll is officially dead.

(Oh yeah, “Late Show With David Letterman” band drummer Anton Fig was there, which only means one thing: even Paul Shaffer had too much dignity to show up to this thing.)

Other news while you were rioting in the streets of State College to celebrate Penn State’s NIT victory:

• As PUCK DADDY notes, it must be like getting their hearts ripped out all over again for Hartford Whalers fans to see a Hurricanes jersey with the Whalers’ logo (and a God awful color combination). Although I’d love it if the Ravens wore Browns jerseys for “Turn Back The Clock” day against Cleveland.



• While the Jay Cutler trade solved one long-running NFL saga, the Anquan Boldin/Arizona Cardinals mess continues to fester. The latest comes from NFL.COM which reports that Boldin told a Florida radio station that he would “love to” play in his home city of Miami.
• I had hoped that the America’s Cup had gone the way of 1980s fads like The Lambada, Swatches and The California Raisins. But apparently it’s still happening, and it’s now the focus of lawsuits involving people with more money than they know what to do with. The AP has the latest news, as software tycoon Larry Ellison and his boat “Oracle” have won the right to challenge the current Cup holders, Judge Elihu Smails and his boat “The Flying Wasp” (seen below at its coronation):
  

• It looks like things are going anything but “perfect” for former Cincinnati ace Tom Browning: THE NEWS & OBSERVER reports the Reds have dropped him as the pitching coach for the Carolina Mudhens after he was arrested on Friday for failure to pay child support.
• If you’re a former NFL player who gets arrested on drug charges, you would hope that the headlines wouldn’t call you “forgettable.” But that’s just how NBC DALLAS FORT WORTH described former Cowboy Leonardo Carson, arrested yesterday on intent to sell charges, and I’ll be damned if they aren’t right.
• Now that Tim Floyd has turned down Arizona, TUCSON CITIZEN columnist Anthony Gimino wants to know if there’s anyone left who wants the Wildcats’ coaching job. May I make a suggestion: Former Baylor coach Dave Bliss is available and ready to talk. Sure, he’s got a checkered past, but the guy knows how to win. Barring that, perhaps Jerry Tarkanian is available.
• Sports is creeping its way into politics in Los Angeles, as the LOS ANGELES DAILY NEWS reports that City Attorney candidate Carmen Trutanich is being ripped by his opponent and NOW for successfully representing former USC defensive back Eric Wright on rape charges in 2005.
• I can’t imagine why parents in Shenendehowa, NY are upset to find out that a part-time track coach had his teaching license revoked 11 years ago after an alleged sexual abuse case. WTEN-TV says that while Don Paretta was not convicted, he admitted to giving a former student a note at graduation saying he would “miss the student’s face and body.” And this guy coached pole vaulting: let the jokes commence.
• According to the NEWARK STAR-LEDGER, Boston College DT B.J. Raji - a projected Top 10 pick in the NFL Draft - committed a crime worse than scoring single digits on the Wonderlic test: he reportedly flunked a drug test at the NFL Combine.
• Finally, HOME RUN DERBY sends a hearty congratulations to Manatee Community College, which defeated the Pittsburgh Pirates 6-4 yesterday. Yes, those Pittsburgh Pirates, as in the “allegedly major league Pirates.” Bill Mazeroski would be rolling in his grave, if he were dead.

If the early games in the NCAA Tournament on Thursday were kind of a bust (except for the Memphis vs. Cal State Northridge game; sorry, no love for the “scrappy underdogs” - way to blow it, Matadors!), then the late games were … marginally more exciting. There was an actual upset, with No. 12 Western Kentucky taking down No. 5 Illinois, 76-72.

But then again, most experts were predicting that Western Kentucky would win this game ahead of time, due to the loss of the Illini’s starting point guard Chester Frazier with a broken hand, and the return of Hilltopper’s mascot from a broken right … orange blobby thing.

No, the late games were more notable for the near misses than the upsets. Take No. 6 UCLA, which almost fell apart completely against Virginia Commonwealth, nearly blowing a 10-point halftime lead and having the ball in the hands of Rams star Eric Maynor with time expiring and a chance to win the game. (Not the person you want with the ball if you’re UCLA - just ask Duke) Fortunately for the Bruins, Darren Collison came to the rescue, forcing a hurried, off-balance miss from Maynor to hold on to a 65-64 win.

Speaking of blowing a lead … poor American. Just like their namesake economy, their 14-point second half lead against Villanova went into a deep recession, and there was no bailout package coming from the government. Playing in front of a partisan Philadelphia crowd (thanks, seeding committee!), the No. 3 Wildcats rallied later to survive a scare from the No. 14 Eagles, 80-67.

(Note to American University: nice try in attempting to gain our sympathy with your name: the American Eagles. Why don’t you just call yourself the American Heroes Who Died On 9/11 Who Will Weep In Heaven If You Root Against Us? It’s about as subtle.)

Not having trouble advancing was No. 2 Oklahoma, who trounced No. 15 Morgan State 82-57 behind 28 points and 13 rebounds from star Blake Griffin. However, Griffin did have one moment of problems: specifically, when the Bears’ back-up center Ameer Ali decided to practice his armbar takedown on Griffin after they got tangled up together:

It should go without saying that Ali was ejected, and then immediately escorted to St. Louis for the NCAA Wrestling Championships. Ali says the whole incident was unintentional and “a misunderstanding,” which I would only believe if I was Billy Packer and he was a Duke player who just shattered Tyler Hansbrough’s face.

(Not only has Griffin had to deal with this and sustaining a concussion a few weeks ago, but remember the cheap shot he received from USC’s Leonard Washington at the start of the year as well. Either Griffin in such a pacifist than he makes Gahndi look like Genghis Khan or he’s going to snap and pummel someone to death with his sneaker by the end of the tournament. Maybe this explains why he feels the need to lash out at society by peeing in bushes.)

For those of you who are part of the 80 percent of American males who managed to come down with a 48-hour bug starting yesterday morning, your slate of games today look good enough to help you cope with your “debilitating illness”. There are several games that have “Upset Special” written all over them, which probably means that the games will go chalk all day.

In other sports news from last night you might have missed as you polished up your…ahem…resume for a Rhode Island strip club’s job fair:

• Martin Brodeur might be the winningest goalkeeper in NHL history, but the CBC reports that he might be the losingest ex-husband in the history of hockey: an appeals court ordered him to pay $500,000 a year in alimony to his ex-wife Melanie DuBois until 2020.



• It might be a sport played by drunk men with pot bellies, mullets and porn mustaches, but damn it, you must respect the rules of etiquette in bowling! The SACRAMENTO BEE reports that a dispute about who had right of way to bowl turned into a brawl at a Rocklin, CA, bowling alley featuring one man knocking out another man’s tooth with a bowling ball. <RUN FUNCTION TO READER: INSERT “BIG LEBOWSKI” JOKE HERE>
• BUGS & CRANKS is focusing their considerable hatred on Reds pitcher Bronson Arroyo, and his decision to spend Spring Training living on a houseboat. Apparently, if there was ever a movie made about Arroyo’s life, it would star Matthew McConaughy. And it would probably suck, but your significant other would drag you to it because he’s so “dreamy” and “laid back.”
• Your semifinals for the World Baseball Classic are set (yes, that’s still going on) after Japan’s 6-2 victory over Korea. The defending champion Japanese will take on the U.S. in one game on Saturday at Dodger Stadium, while Korea faces off against Venezuela.
• Speaking of the WBC and your apparent apathy to it, LARRY BROWN SPORTS says that Red Sox slugger Kevin Youklis is very upset with American fans for not showing up to the team’s games at the World Baseball Classic. This means you, Joe Six-Pack: even if you’ve lost your job, your house is being repossessed and your kids are being forced to share the same pair of shoes, that’s no excuse for not coughing up $45 a person for cheap seats.
• How about a hearty welcome to the MLS for the Seattle Sounders, as Drew Carey’s expansion team drubbed New York Red Bull 3-0 in the team’s inaugural game. But I don’t care how many games this “new” Sounders team wins: I doubt they’ve have a music video of their highlights as cool as this collection of highlights from the NASL team in 1975 set to “The Hustle”:
  

• I know he’s only been on the job for a couple of months, but here’s a friendly bit of advice to President Barack Obama: it’s probably not a good idea to make jokes about the Special Olympics, as the CHRISTIAN SCIENCE MONITOR says you did on the “Tonight Show with Jay Leno” last night.
• I guess they are teaching Hawaii Warrior football players to not quit on a play, but this is ridiculous: the HONOLULU ADVERTISER says that cornerback JoPierre Davis was arrested and charged with sexually assaulting the same female student twice within a four month period, and then knocking her unconscious at a nightclub. Big surprise: this isn’t his first run-in with the law.
• While we wait to find out what athletes named come up as clients in the Houston prostitution ring, the CHARLOTTE OBSERVER has news of another brewing scandal: a secret, late-night warehouse that offered sex, drugs and high-stakes card games to its clients. When the club was raided, at least one former NFL player was there, and other athletes are said to be “frequent patrons.”
• Yawn: another day, another LeBron James triple-double, going for 26 points, 11 rebounds and 10 assists. His feat led the Cavaliers to a 97-92 overtime victory over Portland as Cleveland tied an NBA record by committing only two turnovers - and one was at the end of overtime.

• The boat carrying missing NFLers Corey Smith & Marquis Cooper has been found, and one survivor was rescued. However, the two players and another passenger still haven’t been found.

• Does Bill Belichick treat all his ex-assistants-turned-NFL-head-coaches the same way?

• Speaking of, Eric Mangini is making drastic changes with the Browns - such as moving the video room up one floor at a cost of $500,000.

• DC Comics’ lawyers come down faster than a speeding bullet on the NBA for marketing “Krypto-Nate” T-shirts without their permission.

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Hey, readers! Time for another stupendous SbB Clever Caption Contest!

Today we toss up a peculiar pic of Cincinnati Reds pitcher Arthur Rhodes:

So, how would you explain this surreal Spring Training snapshot of Artie in action? Submit your suggestions into the comments section linked below. The winning quip will be announced in the end-of-the-day recap.

Good luck and good writing!

Since most of our readers are male, I am going to assume that you have never watched an episode of Ellen DeGeneres’ talk show. Apparently, she has been obsessed with getting George Clooney on the show since she moved into a new studio in Burbank on the same lot as the Oscar-winning actor. (Seriously, what’s up with lesbian daytime talk show hosts and their crushes on leading men? First it was Rosie O’Donnell and Tom Cruise, and now Ellen and Clooney.)

Calling on friends and co-stars of Clooney such as Brad Pitt and Noah Wylie didn’t help Ellen get her man (insert joke here), but Wylie did give her a useful suggestion: Clooney’s nuts for the Cincinnati Reds, so why not get some members of the old Big Red Machine to help you out. And it turns out that was exactly the hook that was needed, as MLB.com reports that Clooney taped an appearance on the show along with Hall of Famers Joe Morgan and Johnny Bench that is scheduled to air on Monday.

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If there was ever a time to start considering some minimum standards for teams to make the playoffs, it’s right now. With the potential for both the Chargers and the Cardinals to make the playoffs - and have a home game! - with 8-8 records should be enough to make any football fan cringe. Has the NFL suddenly turned into the NBA’s Eastern Conference? Shouldn’t there be some sort of rule that you have to be above .500 to make the playoffs.

And there there’s the Chicago Bears, who are somehow still in the thick of the playoff chase after pulling out a 20-17 overtime victory over the Green Bay Packers thanks ato a blocked field goal with time expiring to keep the game tied. Yes, those Chicago Bears. The one with the offensive playbook that is less sophisticated than that from the old Tecmo Bowl Nintendo game. The one with no pass defense to speak of. The one with Kyle Freakin’ Orton at quarterback.

But here they sit at 9-6, with a chance to either win the NFC North or get a wild card, despite having needed basically every result on Sunday to go exactly as they did for that to happen. If the Bears pull this off, it will be a Christmas miracle the likes of which haven’t been seen in Chicago since Macaulay Culkin single-handedly fought off Joe Pesci and Daniel Stern.

The NFL in 2008: you don’t have to be good to make the playoffs, just conveniently geographically positioned.

Of course, the highlight of the whole game might have been during the coin toss. It wasn’t a total debacle like the Jerome Bettis coin toss against the Lions a few years ago, but it was pretty humorous. If you didn’t see it during the game, keep your eye on Brian Urlacher during the toss:

I think the referee needs to practice the coin toss a bit more. And way to not even have your eyes on the coin, Brian. Head on a swivel!

Meanwhile, the San Francisco 49ers aren’t making the playoffs, but they are playing a lot better under “interim” head coach Mike Singletary (and really, is there any way he won’t be the head coach next season?). And they have a plan for Sunday’s season finale at home against the Redskins.

According to the SANTA ROSA PRESS DEMOCRAT, along with the throwback uniforms, many members of the team will also be sporting “throwback” mustaches. Posted on the wall for motivation are pictures of great mustaches from 49ers past, including John Ayers, Ray Wersching, Jimmy Johnson and Roger Craig. Let’s just hope they don’t decide to imitate Wersching’s financial strategies as well.

• DEADSPIN wonders if Fox NFL analyst Brian Baldinger’s gross right pinky finger is getting - well, even more gross. Honestly, there’s no way to fix that thing? Maybe a pair of pliers?



• Along with baseball, another event on tap for the first month of operations at the New Yankee Stadium is an “inspirational night of encouragement“ by TV minister Joel Osteen. Unfortunately for him, a worker cursed the event by burying an old sequined dress from Tammy Faye Baker beneath the stadium during construction.
• Derek Jeter is hardly opening his arms to potentially welcome Manny Ramirez into the Yankees’ fold, telling the NEWARK STAR-LEDGER that the Yankees “don’t need” the mercurial free agent because their line-up has “scored plenty of runs.” Keep in mind, this is a team that let Melky Cabrera and his .249 batting average get more than 400 ABs last season. I think you could use the help in the line-up, Captain.
• What it is about Texas high school cheerleading that always seems to wind up getting some combination of school administrators, lawyers or the police involved? This time the DALLAS MORNING NEWS says it’s a disgruntled parent who says her daughter didn’t make the team because of harassment from other cheerleaders.
• The BASEBALL THINK FACTORY warns that you not to call Reds broadcaster Marty Brennaman and talk about Adam Dunn’s high number of walks. I suggest that we all call his show and demand to talk about that just to see if Brennaman’s head will explode.
• An undersized guard named Curry helping a mid-major team make some noise with a deadly jumper? RIVALS.COM wants the world to get ready for Stephen Curry’s younger brother Seth, who has been leading Liberty back from the basketball wasteland.
• Animal Planet has a new TV show premiering in February called “Jockeys,” about the trials and tribulations of the riders at the Oak Tree Meet at Santa Anita. It’s the most compelling story about little people since “Under the Rainbow” - and 100 percent Chevy Chase free!
• Drexel head coach Bruiser Flint missed the Dragons’ game against Memphis and his mentor John Calipari after being suspended one game for being ejected from his team’s loss to Bucknell last Thursday. The NEW YORK DAILY NEWS says it’s good he missed the game: the Tigers crushed Drexel, 87-49. Hey, at least Drexel still got their $90,000.
• Finally…did you love the Super Bowl Shuffle but wish that involved less football and more rapping about maple syrup and Grey Poupon? Then in honor of the Bears’ win last night, the Super Broker Shuffle is for you:

• Jacksonville Jaguars lineman Richard Collier speaks out for the first time since being shot 14 times & having his leg amputated.

• Since the Rose Bowl’s been like a second home to USC lately, the Trojans will wear their red home unis when visiting UCLA this Saturday.

• Dusty Baker wants one more chance to ruin Kerry Wood’s arm.

• At least one football league is United in its support of Michael Vick.

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Picture Kerry Wood, sitting in his study with a snifter of brandy in his hand. Coming off a 34-save season, his conversion to closer has been successful by any measure. Sure, the Cubs didn’t offer him a three-year deal like he wanted, but you can never have too much relief pitching, so other teams are bound to call. The phone rings. Wood puts down his drink, and leans over the phone to check the caller ID. It reads: Dusty Baker.

(”Kerry, what do you think about Dusty wanting to manage you again?”)

Six hours later, the police find Wood huddled in his bathtub with the showerhead running, rocking back and forth while muttering to himself, “He knows where I live, he knows where I live.”

Baker inherited a healthy Wood in 2003 and promptly ensured by lack of pitch counts that he would never again start another big league game. Now, as manager of the Reds, he wants Wood back. That’s like Tina going back to Ike. Can we press charges against this man?
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Dusty Baker must be one heck of a manager, because he’s, *ahem*, managed to take the reins of a postseason-playing team this October. But looking at the League Championship Series schedule, we see the Los Angeles Dodgers, Philadelphia Phillies, Tampa Bay Rays & Boston Red Sox - but no Cincinnati Reds.

Did Baker bolt from Cincy to take an underling role under Joe Torre or Terry Francona? Nope, Dusty’s still the man in charge - of his 9-year-old son’s baseball team.

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