Remember yesterday when we talked about helmet redesigns and all that? The general consensus of the writers of the original article was that the Bengals were the best at using the entire helmet as a canvas rather than just thinking of it as left-half/right-half. A work of art, it is.

(Hmm. Interesting decision.)

Young Dustin Reader certainly seemed to agree, and he got a haircut to match those helmets over the weekend. School administrators? Not so impressed, and Reader’s now at the mercy of one of the most miserable groups of people on the planet: middle school administrators. We’re praying for your life, Dustin.

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Chad Ochocinco has media and fans eating out of his hand in the aftermath of the launch of his $3 iPhone app.

(Kuselias keeping ESPN Radio on top)

The app, co-produced by Bengals teammate Jordan Palmer, appears to be selling well on iTunes, though there isn’t exactly a lot of app activity in the sports genre. But to his credit, Ochocinco’s venture is doing a lot better than I thought it would.

And with his announcement today, those app sales figure to only get better. Read more…

Noted fashionista Chad Ochocinco introduces us to the wonderment of RunPee proprietor Jordan Palmer’s wardrobe.

 Jordan now developing a Jordache iPhone app?

As you might recall, there’s a labor stoppage looming on the NFL’s horizon; without a new deal, the salary cap disappears in 2010, then play stops for 2011 and all hell breaks loose. Bad times, especially for the players. To that end, apparently, the NFLPA is taking today to meet with players about the lockout and to discuss the union’s strategy for attacking the possibility of a lockout.

(What? No way. Seriously, no way, right.)

What the NFLPA perhaps should not have done is invite notorious Tweetmonster Chad Ochocinco, who couldn’t get “be quiet” right if it were Wheel of Fortune and you spotted him the B, E, Q, and T. So naturally, Ocho kept his phone off during the proceedings and of course we’re lying, he’s been giving his followers updates the entire time. Oh, and just to prove that he’s reliable, he also claimed to get cut from the Bengals in the middle of the thing, so… your guess is as good as ours, really.

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Ah, they’re horrible! Look away!

Like he was on some twisted episode of “Sex And The City,” Chad Ochocinco has spent all day today on Twitter assembling his pink ensemble for Sunday’s game at Cleveland. Above are his cleats. The NFL declared October Breast Cancer Awareness Month, and is allowing players to wear pink accessories; which for Ochco is like telling Elton John to “camp it up a bit.” Oh, you will regret this decision, NFL. Read more…

Earlier this week, Cincinnati WR Chad Ochocinco promised to perform the famous Lambeau Leap if he scored a touchdown against the Packers. The game’s at Green Bay, so you can only imagine how thrilled the fans would be if the Ocho came flying into their front row seats and looking for a hug.

(Hey, he found some Bengals fans! Wait, how did they get those seats?)

Well, the touchdown did indeed happen in the third quarter today. It was to give the Bengals the lead, as a matter of fact, something the Packer faithful probably didn’t expect at this point in the game. All of which is to say that if you taunt some extra salty Green Bay fans like that, don’t be surprised when you get a fat middle finger waved at you on national television.

Picture & video, for Puritans’ sake, is below the fold.

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Chad Ochocinco: Delusional, with a side of megalomania? Sure. But he’s also entertaining. And you should probably get to know him this week, because after Sunday he may not be around.

In a conference call with reporters who cover the Packers this morning, our protagonist said that he is planning on doing the Lambeau Leap if he scores a touchdown at Green Bay. Won’t that like, hurt, due to all the punching and being pummeled with beer bottles and wedges of Styrofoam cheese? No, says Ocho. Read more…

For 59 minutes of gametime, the Denver Broncos as Cincinnati Bengals were playing like two teams who had zero preseason hype coming into the season, which is exactly what they were. A late touchdown gave Cincinnati the lead at 7-6, but it was long since clear that there would be no real winners from the game - most certainly not the fans.

Lucky for America, though, Gus Johnson was calling the game, and when Gus Johnson is on the mic, incredible things happen and Gus Johnson loses his s–t. So after the aforementioned touchdown, the Broncos were backed up to their own 13 yard line. And with Kyle Orton as the quarterback, so you know perfect passes weren’t exactly in the offing. And let’s start the video there, which you can watch below.

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• Shawne Merriman & Tila Tequila have had quite the memorable week, haven’t they?

• Bengals QB Carson Palmer is worried that someone’s going to die in the NFL. Meanwhile, other Bengals QB Jordan Palmer has no worries about big brother’s USC squad beating the Buckeyes.

• Sounds like Danica Patrick will be racing over to NASCAR next year.

• Melanie Oudin had a great run at the US Open, although she could have done without the hotel eviction & her parents’ impending divorce.

• In the meantime, Novak Djokovic entertains the Flushing Meadows fans with his impression of John McEnroe - only to have the real deal come down & serve the Serb a lesson in an impromptu match.

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Well, Ochocinco’s self-imposed Twitter ban lasted about five days, which is four-and-a-half days longer than I thought it would. What fresh mischief is he planning, and more importantly, will we care? Read more…