Report: Weis “Expected” To Take Florida OC Job

While speculating on where former Broncos head coach Josh McDaniels may land on the most recent edition of ESPN’s Sunday NFL Countdown, Chris Mortensen reported, “Don’t be surprised if Charlie Weis doesn’t return to Kansas City.

Charlie Weis Todd Haley Will Muschamp

Despite Kansas City’s stunning turnaround this season and the success of quarterback Matt Cassel under Chiefs Offensive Coordinator Weis, Mortensen speculated that McDaniels could soon replace Weis as KC’s offensive coordinator:

“Josh McDaniels got the most out of Matt Cassel. There are some issues to work out, but watch that.”

Given KC’s remarkable season, many would find that move surprising.

But not as surprising as where a well-respected newspaper columnist and radio host reported Weis could land if he departed the NFL team after just one season.

Or before this season is even over. Read more…

Twitter: PB Post’s Volin Has Meyer Return First

UPDATE: Thanks to emailers and Twitterati, it now appears that Benjamin Volin of the PALM BEACH POST was the first to report on* that Urban Meyer would not be leaving the Florida program.

Benjamin Volin of the Palm Beach Post breaks Urban Meyer return first

Also, based on Tweetdeck, it appears Chris Mortensen of ESPN may have edged Pete Thamel NEW YORK TIMES by a minute. Splitting hairs at this point.

(*Andy Staples of SPORTS ILLUSTRATED reports that GatorBait.Net was the first outlet on any platform to report the story.)

Meanwhile, as the media gears up for a presser from Urban Meyer once the Gators plane touches down in New Orleans today, Pat Dooley of the GAINESVILLE SUN is reporting that Addazio isn’t necessarily a done deal.

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If You Question Jay Glazer, Be Ready To Fight Him

Amid yesterday’s unmentionable unfortunateness was vindication for FOX SPORTS’ Jay Glazer. When he’s not being Michael Strahan’s little bobo and riding around on his back, Glazer’s making a name for himself as the best reporter in the NFL, consistently sonning ESPN’s cadre of mic-holding talking heads.

Jay Glazer
(This? This is his fightin’ beard!)

That dynamic came to a head earlier this weekend when ESPN was showing preseason games and the announcers began trying to mock and marginalize Glazer for his reports that Minnesota was still going to sign Sports Voldemort. Obviously, that blew up in their faces, but the sentiment wasn’t lost on Glazer. His totally reasonable response? “Why don’t you say it with your fists!”

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Radio Host: Vikings Have Not Set Favre Deadline

Yesterday on ESPN both Chris Mortensen and Ed Werder reported that the Minnesota Vikings and head coach Brad Childress had set a deadline of Friday for Brett Favre to decide whether or not he was going to come back again and play for the Vikings.  Since Favre is just coming off of arthroscopic surgery on his throwing shoulder word is he would like to wait a little longer before deciding.  In other words, he wants to wait until training camp is a few weeks old so he doesn’t have to go through it.

I mean, we all know he’s going to come back at this point because why else would he have the surgery on his shoulder?  So it doesn’t hurt when he throws a football in his next Wrangler commercial?  So if Favre isn’t “ready” to make his “decision” yet and the Vikings want one by Friday, does that mean he’s not going to be back this season?  No, because according to Sirius radio host Pat Kirwan the boys over at ESPN are making this whole deadline thing up.

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Speed Read: Washing Our Hands of the Swine Flu

The discerning reader prefers the news (and most foods) wrapped in bacon and liberally salted with panic. Therefore, we provide your Thursday morning sports-centric swine flu stories to better arm you at the water cooler to pass along the latest gossip mumbled through your faux designer mask:

Swine flu (or pigs fly)

Whew. That’s a lot of abject terror sensible precaution for one morning. Please add any additional sports-related swine flu stories to the comments below so the few remaining survivors have a record of these final days.

Thankfully, our few remaining moments left as a functional species can be well-represented by the following people tellin’ it like it is and keepin’ it real with the kids, assuming your kids take Don Rickles’ routine at face value:

Geno Auriemma

Fire truck at Comerica Park

(Emergency vehicle sized appropriately to emergency)

Finally, a false alarm (possibly a fire alarm) in the eighth inning could not shake the New York Yankees from barely holding onto a 8-6 lead at Comerica Park over the Detroit Tigers last night despite holding a 7-1 advantage late in the contest. As Joe Girardi put it, “In this day and age, that’s a little scary.”

Heck, Joe … in this day and age, what isn’t?

And now a hail of bullet points caused by two heroin-slingin’ senior citizen sisters (though you can’t fault them for looking for a new retirement plan these days) …

What’s your favorite pandemic?

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Speed Read: Nuggets Put Hornets In Their Place

So much for more than two decent NBA series. Just when it looked like a Chris Paul-led New Orleans team might be primed for a run, the Nuggets come out and put a near-record licking on the bugs … in New Orleans. How bad was it? Bad enough that the Nuggets led by nearly 60 points in the third quarter, and the Hornets fans who packed the arena for tip off were already busy down on Bourbon Street.

new orleans hornets fans

How could New Orleans possibly have had that bad a game, and played that poorly at home? It’s an incredible mystery. What isn’t a mystery is just how bad the Hornets were. New Orleans turned the ball over an astounding 27 times, and it shot only 30 percent from the field. The  58-point loss tied the all-time NBA playoff mark, matching a Minneapolis Lakers win over the St. Louis Hawks. That’s pretty much all you need to know: Neither one of those teams still exist in that context. After all, L.A.’s a heck of a lot warmer.

In fact, as FANHOUSE points out, the Nuggets’ margin of victory in Game 4 alone nearly matched the entire series worth of margin of victory in Cleveland’s dominant, four-game sweep of  the Pistons.

Empty seats, thy name is New Orleans. Now, about moving that team if they don’t get a new arena …

Meanwhile, there was one other loss that was equally ignominous as the one New Orleans put out there. With their season on the line — again — the top-seeded San Jose Sharks, winners of the President’s Trophy for best regular season record, bowed out to the Anaheim Ducks, the final seed in the West. What’s more, the game wasn’t even close.

joe thornton sharks

There was buzz that, after forcing a Game 6, San Jose finally might come into its own in the playoffs. Instead, the Sharks capitulated the only way they know how: By failing to play any defense after they got an early lead. The Sharks scored first, halfway into the first period, then they never scored again. In fact, they only kept that lead for two minutes.

From there out, it was all Ducks, which has been a pretty strong recurrent trend for the Sharks in recent years. Funny how that used to happen with the Bruins when Joe Thornton was stalking those sidelines, isn’t it?

There were two other games in the NBA last night — the Lakers finished off the Jazz while the Hawks tied up their series with the Heat — but the other big basketball story was all about a team that isn’t even in the city where the turmoil rages on.

clay bennett thunder

That’s right sports fans, the Sonics aren’t walking back through that door. In fact, any chance of a resurrection in the Pacific Northwest officially went out the window when the city of Seattle turned down an opportunity to re-make Key Arena by paying only 25 percent of the cost. The rest of the funds would have been brought in by hotel taxes, area businessmen and, most significantly, from the team’s personal anti-christ himself: Clay Bennett.

That’s right, Seattle had a chance to avenge losing the Sonics by making the man who stole them away pay for the upgrades that would land the city another team. Instead, they turned down the opportunity solely because it would have raised the tax cost of hotels and rental cars.

Sonics owner Clay Bennett Halloween mask

Is it short-sighted? You better believe it. Then again, it’s also probably a statement of just how rough the economy is. When a city turns down a Big Mac of revenge to save $0.99 of taxes that tourists, not they, will pay, you know that people are afraid to spend money on anything.

zlexei cherapanov blood doping rangers

  • Did Ozzie Smith cop a feel on Alyssa Milano? You decide with the pics below, courtesy BUGS & CRANKS:

ernie banks alyssa milano ozzie guillen

ozzie guillen alyssa milano


Which NBA team has been the biggest playoff disappointment?

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Teeing Off Can Totally Terrorize Your Eardrums

• A new study has revealed that hitting golf balls can make you go deaf.

Tiger Woods angry

At least Tiger Woods wouldn’t be bothered by photographers anymore.

• Speaking with ESPN’s Chris Mortensen is a privilege, not a right.

• Secret camera captures soccer club employee stealing over 2,000 jerseys for fun & profit.

• It wasn’t a good weekend to be a good basketball team.

Read more…

Mort Sorry He Said Talking to Him Is a “Privilege”

It’s been suggested in the past that ESPN has a slightly askew sense of proportion when it comes to its own place in the news. To wit: it can often seem to consumers that ESPN is the monolith and you don’t know Jack Manure unless you walk up and touch one of its many incessantly cross-promoted facets.

Chris Mortensen, ESPN

Of course, it would really help squelch that image of the Worldwide Leader if their prized NFL reporter, Chris Mortensen, would avoid emotionally charged late-night emails to the AP when questioned about his journalistic methods (say, not contacting the Raiders for comment on a story) that state, in part, “… the Raiders have lost the privilege with me of running stories past them for comment.”

Someone’s getting his own bullet point in the ombudsman’s column sometime in 2009… oooooooh…
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Jim Fassel Really, Really Wants The Raiders Job

After the horror that has been the Oakland Raiders franchise since 2003, you’d think that nobody in their right mind would want to coach there. I mean, you’d have to be incredibly stupid to even consider an offer, much less…

Many Fassels

Oh, hello, Jim Fassel! You might have a severe head injury, because nobody of any mental stability would ever, ever, ever do anything as reckless as, say, contacting Al Davis to request the Oakland coaching job. But according to ESPN, Fassel sent a hand-written letter to Davis, kissing his wrinkled posterior in hopes of taking over for the utterly miserable Tom Cable in 2009.

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Pats Use Spying Powers For Good Instead of Evil

Perhaps Chris Mortensen is still sore from being burned by BFF Brett Favre, and has decided to attach himself to a malevolent force instead of one that’s just ignorant, but Mort seems to have the inside news from New England an awful lot these days. The latest scoop from Foxborough has the Pats’ video department saving DT Vince Wilfork from an unpaid vacation.

Patriots Spygate

Wilfork was fined $35,000 for a helmet-to-helmet hit on Jay Cutler two weeks ago. Due to “a history of illegal hits” (how’d you like to have that on your resume?), Roger Goodell was set to suspend Wilfork. But he forgot the old adage that behind every man is a good woman and a CIA-style surveillance unit.

Read more…