It’s no secret that, inside every pro athlete, there’s a wannabe musician waiting for his big break. Past musical endeavours of professional athletes include (in reverse order of quality) the “misguided musical stylings” of Bronson Arroyo, the Jesus freakery of Ben Utecht, and the actual honest-to-God punk rock of Scott Radinsky. While the music sometimes is less than, well, listenable, who among us wouldn’t take the opportunity to cut an album or jump on stage to jam with the band?

However, just because some people are presented with said opportunity doesn’t mean they should take it. Last night, oft-pummeled UFC pixie Chuck Liddell teamed up with Boston Red Sox pitcher Brad Penny and Washington Foreskin Redskins tight end Chris Cooley to belt out the worst rendition of Journey’s “Don’t Stop Believing” since, well, Journey’s 1981 album, Escape. Thankfully, TMZ was there, and we’ve got the video after the jump.

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Of all the gigs in college sports, there’s probably few as unpleasant as “urine test supervisor.” It’s exactly what it sounds like. You watch - intently, even - grown men take leaks into cups. You can’t really make it fun for anyone involved; one misplaced remark to lighten the mood and you’re looking at some stained trousers. Or worse.

(Of course, cheating on this sort of stuff doesn’t end well.)

And yet, it’s a wholly necessary task all the same, as football players have been trying to figure out ways to beat the system for decades. Of course, this discussion necessarily begins with Onterrio Smith and the Whizzinator. In fact, I almost wrote “hey remember the whizzinator that was awesome” and made that the entire post. But as admitted (and obvious) steroid user Tony Mandarich (you know, the world-famous photographer) points out, there are ways to rig your own little urine system with common items from Wal-Mart, and they’re weird as hell: Read more…

Professional athletes make a lot of money. Like, tons of it. So I guess we shouldn’t be surprised that Jason Taylor has turned down $500,000 just to work out with the Redskins. Not only that, but rejecting the workout bonus led to the team releasing him, which will cost him another $9 million.

(Cooley: Taylor Turned Down $13,000 Per Day Just To Work Out!)

As Redskins blogger/tight end Chris Cooley figures it, Taylor would have been paid $13,000 per workout if he had agreed to the deal. And that would be literally just to show up at the gym and lift some weights and stuff. Which is pretty infuriating for those of us who, you know, pay to go to the gym. Cooley goes as far as to say that “JT hates money.”

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Dan Steinberg of DC SPORTS BOG keeps us current on night club advice by quizzing local pro athletes about how to make the scene. Or more specifically, how to avoid ending up on your friendly neighborhood slumming sports blog the next morning.

(Chris Cooley doesn’t dance for wife Christy, but he does walk their Westie)

Redskins Tight End Chris Cooley tells Steinberg that eschewing alcohol you can’t see through is a good start:

“Everyone wants to drink a shot,” Cooley explained. “Don’t drink whiskey. I used to drink Jack Daniels. Bad decision. You get too filled up.”

“Everyone wants to do a shot with me,” he said. “I don’t know if that’s my image or what it is, but I can’t drink shots any more, because it wound up being 20 shots. Everywhere I go, ‘Do a shot with us!!!’ No more. That’s my tip as a pro athlete, don’t do a shot. And don’t dance if you’re [bad] at it, because everyone watches.”

“Everyone watches” is now code for “Everyone has a cellphone camera and a Youtube account.”

Meanwhile, Washington Wiz forward Caron Butler imparts evening-out wisdom that could also be taken to heart by your local garden variety mafia hit man and/or Pacman Jones and/or Plax: Read more…

• DC SPORTS BOG takes aim on Chris Cooley’s tale of the Redskins’ team bus being egged by some overzealous Eagles fans. They also returned home to find a flaming bag of dog poop on the front steps of FedEx Field. Cooley’s tales led radio host and former Redskin Jon Jansen to fondly recall old ladies mooning the team bus.



• Meanwhile, MR. IRRELEVANT pumps us up with video of Redskins owner Daniel Snyder being very, very excited about his team’s win over the Eagles.
• THE SPORTING BLOG gives Bucky F’n Dent and Mike Torres another chance to face each other - this time in Mario Super Sluggers for Wii.
• AOL FANHOUSE puts the boots to the idea of Notre Dame needing a new kicker. Apparently going 1 for 7 on FG attempts just doesn’t cut it.
• EVERY DAY SHOULD BE SATURDAY thinks they’ve found the Second Spitter who nailed Chase Daniels before Saturday’s Missouri vs. Nebraska game.
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While there’s no statistic out there to prove it, it seems like when an athlete is asked by some dying fan to give them a visit or send them a personalized autograph or something else along those lines, more often than not they feel like they’re being forced to do it just to avoid a PR disaster. But when Chris Cooley is asked to see a sick man, you kind of get the sense he wouldn’t want to be anywhere else.

Last week, Cooley received an email telling him the story of Kathy and Ron Frazier. The two had been season ticket holders for the Redskins since ‘91, but this year they’d been unable to get to any games because Ron was suffering from stage-4 colon cancer. Two hours after receiving the email, Redskins brass called the couple to let them know that Cooley was on the case!

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• POPO IN MY CRIB can see that despite suffering through another rotten Reds season, Bronson Arroyo still has baseball on his mind.

• Mark Cuban tried to explain Josh Howard’s Star-Spangled Slam over on his blog, but the Mavs owner didn’t realize what a firestorm he unleashed.

• Stephanie Stradley of AOL FANHOUSE wonders if the Texans can do for Hurricane Ike victims what the Saints did for Katrina victims.

• UNI WATCH looks back on the career of sports illustrator Lon Keller, the guy who created the Yankees’ famous hat logo.

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Apparently, the PGA of America, the outfit that hosts the Ryder Cup, isn’t clear on the definition of “volunteer.” For most of us, it means to take part in a task without being paid. It’s pretty simple, really.

Unless you’re one of the PGA brainiacs who got the bright idea to make a few extra bucks on the backs of the thousands of people who offer their time to make sure the tournament runs smoothly. No, not the golfers, but the old-timers who hold up the “Quiet Please” signs, and make sure fans don’t storm the port-a-johns while players are shaking off their Cooleys. Yep, that’s right, volunteer doesn’t mean what you think it means.

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• Chris Cooley is sorry for accidentally posting pics of his penis online - but not as sorry as we are for seeing it.

(OK, last shot we’ll show of Chris Cooley in short shorts - we promise)

• Turns out DeSean Jackson’s penchant for celebrating TDs prematurely is nothing new.

• Meanwhile, Tony Kornheiser celebrates NFL Hispanic Heritage Month in his own special linguistic way.

• Lane Kiffin is still the Raiders’ coach (as of this writing). But if Al Davis does ditch him, Lane could secure employment in Syracuse.

• Maybe Charger fans can take some small consolation knowing that ref Ed Hochuli has been downgraded by the NFL.

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Redskins tight end Chris Cooley loves blogging. He also loves being nude, apparently. But when his two favorite hobbies outside of football and staring at his wife are combined, bad things happen. Very, very bad things.

This weekend, the internet was abuzz as news of Chris Cooley’s peeper made its way through the series of tubes. Funny story: yeah, Cooley didn’t mean to take a picture of his junk and post it on his blog. You know, because that coulda happened to anybody.

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