Child Abuse? ‘World Record’ Strongest 5-Year-Old

The LONDON DAILY MAIL has the story of 5-year-old Giuliano Stroe, who The Guinness Book of Records is pimping with this:

The exceptional pre-schooler performed the fastest ever 10m hand walk with a weight ball between his legs to the delight of the studio audience.

Guiliano Stroe

The kid performed the random act on Italian (freakshow) TV, and has now been “entered” into the Guinness Book. Of course, the kid set no real record, Guinness just made something up as an excuse to pimp the kid, creating buzz for its tired publication.

Giuliano Stroe will someday end up…

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Pro Soccer Coach Puts 12-Yr-Old Son Into Game

If Bruce Bochy had a 12-year-old son, I’d find it perfectly reasonable for him to send in the lad as a pinch hitter against John Smoltz in the bottom of the eighth. Wait no, that’s crazy. Sure it couldn’t hurt, considering how the Giants are hitting; but that would be child abuse. So meet Julio Cesar Baldivieso, coach of Bolivian first division pro soccer team Aurora, who has no such qualms. Look what he did on Sunday in a match against La Paz FC.

Julio Cesar Baldivieso and son Mauricio

With his team trailing 1-0 with about nine minutes remaining, Baldivieso put his 12-year-old son, Mauricio, into the game. So how did it go? Um, not so well. Did you ever see the movie “Lucas”? Read more…

Youth Baseball Coach Gets Life For Molesting Kids

Well, they don’t fool around in Texas, I suppose. William Jacobsen, a youth baseball coach from Little River-Academy, will spend the rest of his life in prison without the possibilty of parole for sexually abusing two boys, one who played on his Little League team. Jacobsen, 32, was arrested in Mexico where he had fled with his wife, Marilyn Wesson, 58, after initial police questioning. (Frances McDormand in “Fargo”: “He’s fleeing the interview! He’s fleeing the interview!”)

William Jacobsen

Jacobsen was the first person indicted and tried in Bell County under a new law that went into effect in 2007, which raised the punishment range between 25 years to life in prison without parole for continuous sexual assault crimes that occur beyond a 30-day period. What makes me especially unsympathetic is the fact that he threatened to harm the families of two other kids if they talked about the abuse. Charming fellow.

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Former Pro Wrestler Beats Kids For Father’s Day

According to the Hallmark Cards website, “A Babylonian youth named Elmesu carved the first known Father’s Day card in clay nearly 4,000 years ago. His special message wished his father good health and a long life.” Since that ancient card-thingy, celebrations of father-child relationships have taken many forms. In Germany, the traditional Father’s Day celebration includes a men’s-only hiking tour in which the hikers pull one or more small wooden wagons containing beer and sausage. (No, really.) In many parts of the United States, the occasion calls for chintzy cards and bad neckties.

WWF Killer Bees (Brian Blair)

As with many aspects of life, however, Florida handles things differently and ass-backwards. At least, that’s what the actions of former Hillsborough County commissioner and WWF(E?) wrestler Brian Blair (above left) would lead us to believe. You see, Blair chose to commemorate that most sacred of bonds, the bond between parent and child, by beating the crap out of his two teenage sons on Father’s Day. Hey, Brian? YOU’RE (allegedly) DOING IT WRONG.

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P.O.’d Golfer Hilariously Assaults Child On Course

We laugh when Tiger gets pissed if someone takes a picture during his backswing, but would we want that happening to us? Golf was pretty much invented to stress you out, so there’s nothing worse than when your game is interrupted.

Nathan Moore

(Does this look like the face of a man who would overreact and assault a small child? Pretty much, yeah.)

That’s what happened to Nathan Moore. He was on the 15th hole, probably 40 over par, but completely in the zone. So when a 12-year-old kid ran out onto the fairway and picked up his ball, Moore allegedly did what any rational human being would: he threw the kid in the bushes and beat him with his club.

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Pedroia’s 29-Year-Old Bro Booked For Molestation

Even golden boys have to deal with the harder parts of life. Need proof? Just take a look at Dustin Pedroia. Baseball’s favorite “little man who could”, Pedroia has been a non-stop good news machine since entering the league, winning Rookie of the Year and MVP honors in back-to-back seasons. Oh, and he won a World Series, too. Unfortunately for Dustin, that couldn’t keep his brother out of trouble, as 29-year-old Brett Pedroia has now been charged with child molestation, according to this report from Sacramento news station KCRA 58.

brett pedroia
(Brett Pedroia, as captured by the SAN FRANCISCO CHRONICLE.)

Let’s be clear. These charges have nothing to do with Dustin Pedroia. He’s not accused of molesting children, hurting anyone or doing anything outside of playing a really solid second base. But that won’t be enough to keep him out of the public eye now that his brother has been accused of a significantly heinous crime.

Just listen to how Pedroia’s home town of Woodland, a Sacramento suburb, is taking the news, via THE SPORTING BLOG’s Tom Ziller. It’s as if people are in general disbelief.

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Ex-Kansas State RB Facing Child Abuse Charges

What’s tougher than Big 12 defenses? Well, a lot of things, judging by the stats compiled by a number of Big 12 South quarterbacks this season. Chief among them, however, is the prospect of facing air-tight child abuse charges, exactly the scenario that former Kansas State running back Leon Patton is staring right in the face after a Friday arraignment.

patten td take 2

(Patton’s grip on his son was looser than his grip on the ball.)

According to the ASSOCIATED PRESS, Patton will face the charge in court on Jan. 26 after police determined that Patton “unlawfully and feloniously and intentionally shook,” a two-month old infant July 15 at his Manhattan, Kansas house. That infant just so happens to be his son.

Evidently Patton just never got the whole, “Don’t shake babies!” message, which is pretty inexcusable. It’s not exactly a hard message to get through one’s skull.

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Bravo, Idiot: K-State RB Arrested For Child Abuse

In terms of people I wouldn’t mind seeing be forced to eat a slice of Broken Glass cake and wash it down with a big, ice cold glass of battery acid, child abusers are right at the top. Especially now that I have a daughter. So it’s with seething eyes that I read on RIVALS.COM that Kansas State running back Leon Patton was arrested on Thursday and charged with child abuse, with the alleged victim being his four-month-old son.

Leon Patton

Wildcats head coach Ron Prince has already reacted swiftly, kicking Patton off of the team. According to KAKE-TV in Wichita, Patton has already been indefinitely suspended from the team after pleading no contest in July to charges relating to the theft of two video games from a Wal-Mart and unpaid tickets. Based on the nature of the charges now against him, I’m going to go out on a limb and assume that the games weren’t kid’s games like Pokemon.

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What The? Little Kiddies As “Human Cockfighters”

Us native Missourians have always had the pioneer spirit. So it comes as no surprise that Missouri, according to the ASSOCIATED PRESS, is the only state in the nation that “explicitly allows” children to actually take part in MMA bouts (in many states, it is a misdemeanor for children to participate).

Baby MMA

AP account on such a bout involving two “young boys”: “Two members of the group called the “Garage Boys Fight Crew” touched their thin martial-arts gloves in a flash of sportsmanship before beginning a relentless exchange of sucker punches, body blows and swift kicks.” Read more…

Rooting For Favre *Comeback* Just Became Fun

Critical Fanatic FAN IQ is the first to spot the inevitable today: A Florida couple naming newborns after semi-retired Brett Favre.

Green Bay Packers Baby

One (dropped) catch: The kids are twins, named “Brett” and … “Favre.”

What we would now do for the Dolphins, or any other team for that matter, to sign #4 up for next season.