The sports world was taken aback - or at least had a good chuckle - when recent photos of a very whitened Sammy Sosa appeared. Was he sick? Was he suffering some kind of terrible disease? Was this the final result of too much steroid use? Was he undergoing a blackendectomy a la Michael Jackson?

Sosa finally came out and said it was the results of using a skin bleaching cream. And now that he has everyone’s attention, he’s ready to offer the same miracle medical results to you.

Read more…

When you’ve gone 100 years without a World Series victory, you’ll take all the wins you can get. So congratulations go out to the Chicago Cubs for being the first big league franchise to have an openly gay person as an owner.

In a major development, the Chicago Cubs have become the first major-league sports franchise to have an openly gay owner. On Oct. 30, the Ricketts family were announced as the new owners of the Cubs, buying the team, Wrigley Field and a share in Comcast SportsNet Chicago for $845 million from the Tribune Co, according to MLB.com.

Among the purchasers is Laura Ricketts, a lesbian who now becomes the first out individual to own a professional sports team, according to MarketToMarketLLC.com. According to ABC7Chicago.com, Laura, who lives in Chicago, is a member of the board of Lambda Legal, a national organization fighting for gay rights—including same sex marriage.

Notice we’re aren’t talking about the first-ever major league team owned by a gay person. Read more…

Because no battle is ever won, he said. They are not even fought. The field only reveals to man his own folly and despair, and victory is an illusion of philosophers and fools. - William Faulker, “The Sound and the Fury”

That was written by Mississippi’s “greatest author,” who I also thought was kind of overrated. Which, it turns out, could easily apply on multiple levels to the Ole Miss football team. On a national stage and with a No. 4 ranking, the Rebels completely imploded, falling 16-10 at South Carolina last night. It may or may not be true that no battle is ever won, but for Ole Miss, this one was certainly lost.

Mainly it was lost for two reasons: QB Jevan Snead had a miserable game, going 7 for 21 for 107 yards while being pressured by the Gamecocks’ defense all night. And Houston Nutt’s game plan reminded you of why he was barely a .500 coach with a backfield of Felix Jones and Darren McFadden at Arkansas. Nutt seemed unable to accept that the passing game just wasn’t working, and waited until the fourth quarter to turn to running back Dexter McLuster. He ran for 68 yards in the final quarter, but by then it was too little, too late. Read more…

• How did Plaxico Burress’ first night behind bars go? Fine - if you discount the other inmate taunts of “A**hole!” & “The Giants suck!”

• Washington State RB James Montgomery underwent surgery on his injured knee last Sunday. And doctors soon learned that it was a good thing James didn’t delay - or he might have died.

• Could the Nets’ new owner have LeBron Russian to New Jersey?

• Perez Hilton posts his doubts about whether Lamar Odom & Khloe Kardashian will actually tie the knot.

• Evander Holyfield has the bright idea to turn his Georgia mansion into a solar power plant.

Read more…

So finally the truth comes out: Milton Bradley’s troubles with the Cubs had little to do with the fans, dugout tirades, arguments with Lou Pineilla, or even tossing a ball that was in play to a fan (oops). Nope, we should have guessed that it had to do with a problem much more common to major leaguers: Preschool taunting.

Rushing to his defense in an interview on a Chicago radio station, Bradley’s mother, Charlena Rector, says that her son was distracted this season because his 3-year-old son had been encountering racism in preschool. I’ve always said it: The mean streets of Miss Nancy’s Room 7 aren’t all Graham Crackers and nap time. If you cross the wrong people they will &%$! YOU UP. Read more…

It’s not often that injury news takes us completely aback, but that’s absolutely the case over in Pullman tonight. One slightly mentioned aspect of last weekend’s game pitting Washington State against Southern Methodist was WSU’s tailback, James Montgomery, suffering an apparent knee injury. Not that those aren’t serious, but, y’know… they happen.

But one thing that doesn’t usually happen is a potentially fatal injury that nobody recognizes immediately. That’s what apparently befell Montgomery during the game; after the game, he reported increasing discomfort with the knee, and went in for surgery on Sunday morning. It probably saved his life.

Read more…

Years from now, when sports historians try to come up with a blueprint for big-market failure in baseball, they’ll take a long, hard look at the 2009 Cubs. For the large amount of money poured into the season, nearly all of it was invested in a few aging players, while the lower half of the roster remained below average. The result? An embarrassing failure of a season, 11 games back of the Cardinals with 15 games to play, and a disturbingly bleak outlook on the next few years.

(”You will regret this. Wait, I mean “won’t.” Wait, no, you actually will regret this.”)

While Alfonso Soriano’s precipitous drop in quality and albatross of a contract are the scariest omens for the team going forward, no personnel move from 2009 seems to have backfired as badly as the signing of Milton Bradley. Bradley, long known for letting his emotions get the best of him, has put forth one of the worst seasons imaginable for someone getting regular at-bats in the middle of the order: .257, 12 HR, 40 RBI. Blame the Cubs for not getting on base in front of Bradley if you’d like, but to get regular at-bats in the middle of the order and come away with 40 RBI on the season is an impressive accomplishment… if perversely so.

And thus a perfect storm of screwyous builds; the Wrigley fans frequently boo Bradley, Bradley’s play suffers, he’s dealing with a sore right knee that’s keeping him out of games… if there’s ever a time to get a choice negative quote out of Bradley, now’s the time, right? Yes indeed, friends… now is the time. (UPDATE: the comments just got him suspended for the rest of the year).

Read more…

Not that you need a reminder, but the Cubs… they’re not very good this year, you know? They’re barely treading water over .500 while the Cardinals are running away with the division. Their payroll’s huge, but largely wasted on a comically underproductive outfield. Tell a Cubs fan “four more years of Alfonso Soriano,” and… well, he’ll probably cry.

(Hang on, you expect us to believe that’s a newborn? I’ve seen a lot of newborns, and that kid’s at LEAST six months old! Shenanigaaaaaans!)

Recall that Chicago fans usually have no qualms expressing their team pride in overtly racist or juvenile ways when times are going well. In the lean years, though, that’s when the self-loathing humor comes out to play. And since no team’s more synonymous with “Wait ’til next year” than the Cubs, well, why not name a baby that?

Read more…

Go to any major sporting venue for a game, and you’re likely to hear all sorts of colorful language to describe the visiting team (or, if they suck, the home team). It’s universal that at some point, somebody’s manhood - and indeed, his own ability and desire to procreate with women - is going to be questioned. Repeatedly. And God help any athlete who isn’t white, because that’s going to come up once or twice too.

(Verrry mature.)

But for as much flak as Philadelphia fans have earned for their poor behavior, isn’t it time we started admitting that Chicago fans are rapidly becoming some of the most obnoxiously childish in sports? Why, just over the last couple years, we’ve had casual racism, more casual racism, and now this delightful sign (above) directed at Sports Voldemort and Packers fans in Kenosha, Wisconsin.

Read more…

Andrea McNulty, the woman who has sued Ben Roethlisberger for allegedly raping her last year, has had her credibility and motivations called into question many times since her lawsuit was filed in July. But now, in an attempt to make her seem both less crazy and less of a gold digger, she has offered to withdraw the lawsuit.

Oh, if it were only that simple. As you’ll see, McNulty’s “offer” may seem like a noble pursuit, but it stipulates that Big Ben do the one thing he’ll never, ever do. So, without further ado, here are the three conditions for having the lawsuit dropped:

Read more…