Jordan, Nike Turn Hall Of Fame Into Hall Of Fake

Michael Jordan’s not a member of the Basketball Hall of Fame yet. He’s been voted in, of course, and he’ll be inducted on 9/11 (Guys, you couldn’t have picked a better day? Like literally any other day?), but technically, he’s not there yet. But he’s got an exhibit there already in advance of his enshrinement.

Michael Jordan Hall of Fake
(Hey, neat, right?)

It’s a sprawling shrine to the man who revolutionized not only pro basketball but corporate sponsorship - and therein lies a rather jarring problem. That entire exhibit to him, full of sneakers and championship rings? None of it came from MJ himself.

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Lobos Football Only Hiring Good-Looking Ladies?

• An ex-University of New Mexico employee sues the football department, claiming that the Lobos are only looking to employ lovely young ladies.

New Mexico is sexy bikini

(“Hey, that bikini is in our school colors! You’re hired!”)

• South Africa can’t seem to give World Cup tickets away, but they’re going to try anyway.

• Washington Nationals broadcasters take some on-air time lambasting Scott Boras and his high-priced client, Stephen Strasburg.

• Speaking of D.C., Redskins backup QB Colt Brennan denies hooking up with Jessica Simpson. Hope you enjoyed your 15 minutes, Colt.

Brendan Haywood doesn’t think much of Stephon Marbury’s latest online entertainment, but does think he might be gay.

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Move Over, Shaq: James Johnson Brings Da Funk

We’re big fans of Shaq. Have been for years. It’s not just that he’s been one of the most dominant players in NBA history, of course. It’s all the other stuff - the police raids, the White House pop-ins, the Twitterness, the David Beckham “feud”. Just as recently as last week, you warmed our hearts with your Conan O’Brien dance contest. We’ll always love you and your wacky, attention-whoring ways.

James Johnson Dancing

But while we hope you succeed at beating everyone at everything in your new, narcissistic reality show ventures, we’ve found a new favorite NBA player to watch and be entertained by. No, not Ron Artest. And jeez, no, of course it’s not Starbury. No, we’re talking about Bulls rookie James Johnson, who has assumed the crown - for now - of the awesomest player in the NBA. Not only is he an actual multi-discipline athlete - an undefeated kickboxer/MMA fighter -  he’s a dancing machine … who thankfully for us, showed off his breakdancing skills on YouTube.

(Video after the jump.)

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Dwyane Wade’s New $1.7M Chicago Townhouse

Dwyane Wade has always embraced his hometown of Chicago. He played his college ball just up Interstate 94 in Milwaukee and he’s made his South Side roots the cornerstone of his public persona. He’s connected enough to his hometown that rumors fly every year about Wade potentially getting traded to the Bulls; it just seems to make sense to people.

Dwyane Wade Chicago Townhouse

So, what kind of place would a celebrity Chicago native (and housing market expert) be expected to use as a swingin’ bachelor pad during his time back in his hometown? For Dwyane Wade, the answer is evidently this newly-remodeled $1.7 million townhome in Chicago’s River North neighborhood. We’ve got the virtual tour; decide after the jump whether it looks like a great place for a weed-smoking sex party to you.

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Wine Critic Tortured With Michael Jordan Gatorade

Give it to Gatorade: they know how to push Kool-Aid. Despite marketing themselves as the stuff of elite athletes, it seems like you can’t find a bloated kid without a bottle stuck to his lips these days. It’s just sugar and water. Oh, and some electrolytes that kids don’t even need.

Gatorade and glowing semen
(Plus the bottle looks exactly like a schlong with a cap on top. Sorry.)

Gatorade decided to up the ante with some Michael Jordan/Hall of Fame-themed flavors, even though history suggests anything “flavored” like MJ is going to be a sensory horror show. The CHICAGO TRIBUNE’s wine critic, perhaps as a result of a lost bet, was tasked with trying the three new flavors. He reported that they were all wonderfully delicious and haha no he didn’t they’re bottles of pure ass:  Read more…

Nike Selling Hall of Fame Air Jordans? Not So Fast

If there’s one lesson to take from the last 30 years of sports merchandising, it’s that nothing - nothing - is more powerful than the brand. Nike understands this, of course, and their ability to profit from the Michael Jordan “Jumpman” logo has been not just a model, but the golden standard for other shoe companies, teams, and leagues to aspire to.

Nike Jordan Jumpman Logo
(You know, this old thing.)

So with MJ’s shoo-in nomination forthcoming (it has to be unanimous, right? has to be), you know Nike’s salivating over adding the “HOF” to their line of Air Jordans. As a matter of fact, they’ve already started the advertising campaign with that obviously fake-viral Leroy Smith ad campaign. That’s going to be a revenue bonanza, right?

Well, yes, and that’s so obvious to the rest of the sports memorabilia world that Nike was beaten to the punch years ago. Read more…

NBA Legend “Red” Kerr Was Screwed By Coach

NBA fans outside of Chicago may or may not have taken notice in February of the death of Chicago Bulls legend Johnny “Red” Kerr. Kerr was a longtime broadcaster for the Bulls and the team’s first coach. Casual fans of the game might recognize him best as the guy in whose face Michael Jordan clapped chalk at the start of every game, but Kerr spent the majority of his life - entire life, not just professional life - working in one capacity or another for the storied NBA franchise, including 33 years as color commentator on the team’s telecasts.

Johnny Red Kerr

But before Kerr was a coach and commentator, he was an NBA veteran center. In fact, at one point he held the record for most consecutive games played in the NBA; the man was pro basketball’s Cal Ripken, Jr. Baseball fans in the 1990s remember Ripken’s dogged pursuit of Lou Gehrig’s consecutive-games record and the utter joy amongst most baseball fans and in the media when he broke one of the game’s most sacred and seemingly-impossible records. Now, imagine that Ripken had been forcibly denied that record - not by injuries, but by a spiteful coach. Because that’s what happened to Johnny “Red” Kerr.

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Joakim Noah Hits The Beach w/Topless Girlfriend

After going though such a grueling if not disheartening seven-game series against the Boston Celtics, you’d figure the Chicago Bulls would need some time to relax & unwind. And Joakim Noah did just that, spending some of his offseason time carousing in the Caribbean.

Joakim Noah topless girlfriend

But Joakim didn’t want to hit the beach all by himself, so he smartly brought along his girlfriend. And lucky for us, she forgot to bring along her bikini top.

(More photos after the jump.)

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Speed Read: Yawn, Another Bulls/Celtics Classic

A few days ago, I thought that nothing could in the Celtics vs. Bulls series could top Boston’s wild OT victory over Chicago in Game 5, featuring Paul Pierce playing out of his mind to carry Boston to the win, Kirk Hinrich getting tripped by Rajon Rondo and smashing his face on the floor, or Brad Miller almost getting his faced ripped off (again by Rondo) before missing potential game-tying free throws with two seconds left to seal the victory for the Celtics.

Joakim Noah

But after last night’s Game 6 in Chicago,  I was clearly very, very wrong, as the Bulls’ 128-127 win in triple OT has not only pushed the series back to Boston on Friday for a deciding seventh game, but pushed the series from “epic” to “best ever” territory. And we can forget the qualifiers like “best ever first round series” or “best ever non-Finals series” - based on the series so far and what we can expect on Friday, this might be as good as an NBA series can possibly get.

Kirk Hinrich and Rajon Rondo square off

Just to recap some of the highlights, the fun started when Rondo and Hinrich got into it again early in the first quarter, with Rondo basically slinging Heinrich into the scorer’s table, with Heinrich immediately popping up looking for blood. Cooler heads prevailed and no one was ejected, but it sure served warning about what was to come.

Keep in mind that this game - and the series - should have all rights been over midway through the fourth quarter as the Celtics used a 25-2 run - 25-2! - to turn a 12-point deficit into a 99-91 lead with just under four minutes to go. In most series - hell, in any other series - a 25-2 fourth quarter run by the defending champs is enough to put an end to things.

But there were the Bulls, seemingly unable to grasp just how screwed they were, using their own 10-2 run to take the game to overtime. And from there, it was on. Taking the role of one-man team for the Celtics last night was Ray Allen, who scored 51 points including a game-tying three at the end of the second OT.

Even Allen wouldn’t be enough to fend off a wave of Bulls, all looking to be part of the heroics. One minute, it was John Salmons suddenly becoming unstoppable while scoring 35 points. The next it was Joakim Noah screaming down court after a steal for a ferocious dunk that led to a three-point play and Pierce fouling out with 35 seconds left in the third OT. And finally, Derrick Rose turning in the defensive ply of the season by blocking Rondo’s potential game-winner with three seconds left.

The series has been exhilarating, frustrating, ridiculous and incredible. But as Jalen Rose wisely pointed out on ESPN after the game, the Bulls will have people over the next two days congratulating them on their win, while the Celtics will be stewing on the anger of dropping it, which could be all the motivation they need. Remember what happened last season when the Celtics were pushed to a first-round Game 7 by an upstart team? For the good of sports, I hope history doesn’t repeat itself - sports fans deserve a classic game to end a classic series.

Meanwhile, Bill Simmons’Ewing Theory” - where a team inexplicably plays better without their star player - seemed to be alive and well elsewhere in the NBA playoffs last night. Despite having Superman grounded with a suspension after his hard foul on Samuel Dalembert, the Dwight Howard-less Magic were able to drill the 76ers 114-89 to close out their series.

Howard spent his time Twittering during the game, and I can tell you that I understand absolutely nothing he wrote. (Except for something about the Polish Hammer, which makes me wonder why he’s writing about former WWF wrestler Ivan Putski.) Not Twittering was Howard’s teammate Courtney Lee, who was too busy recovering from surgery on his sinus cavity which could cause him to miss the first few games of the Magic’s second round series to “tweet”.

The other example of the Ewing Theory came from out West, where the Rockets’ 92-76 victory over the Trailblazers clinched their first playoff series win since 1997. This was all done, of course, with Houston star Tracy McGrady on the shelf for the season since late February recovering from microfracture surgery on his knee. Coupling the Rockets’ success with Denver’s closing out of New Orleans - giving Carmelo Anthony his first playoff series victory - and there’s now no question who is going to be known as the Best Player Never To Have Won A Playoff Series.

Meanwhile, I’m sure you’ve taken the time this week to butter up your friend with the illegal cable box, since there is a big-time boxing match coming up this weekend as giant killer Manny Pacquiao takes on Ricky Hatton. Since there’s only two days to go until the fight, the fighters have shut up as the hype machine ramps up to sell PPV buys and tickets, meaning that everyone has to get their two cents in about the fight.

That includes the trainers, who seem to be threatening to become the bigger story than their charges. Hatton’s new trainer Floyd Mayweather Sr. has been defending claims that his combative presence has created problems in the Hatton camp - tough to do when you remember what a jerk Hatton’s father/trainer could be. Meanwhile, Pacquiao’s trainer Freddie Roach is telling people that Mayweather was a “poor choice” to train Hatton and that he would have been better served making a different choice of trainer - like himself.

And with any big fight, the media has to track down some brain-damaged, washed-up former champion to give their bleary opinion on who is going to win the fight. God knows where they find these poor sods, but I hope they at least bought them breakfast. People like this sad case named Oscar De La Hoya, who drooled out an opinion for the DAILY TELEGRAPH:

“Hatton can confuse you, offset you, and especially with the Mayweather factor in the corner in this fight,” he told Telegraph Sport. “I know Mayweather, what he is capable of, what he plants – those little details he plants in your head.

“I’m crossing my fingers that Mayweather and Hatton can go undefeated for many years to come. There will be a chess match going on mentally and physically between both camps but, with all due respect to Freddie Roach’s training ability and his team, Mayweather is the better trainer.”

“I’m speaking from experience. He is more technically sound. He teaches you the craft, the art of boxing. He’s old school – an amazing trainer – yes, he’s one crazy son of a gun, but mentally he plants those little details in your head for you to become King Kong inside the ring.”

It sounds to me like De La Hoya’s fight against Pacquiao should have been stopped about eight rounds earlier than it was; clearly the 200 straight blows to the head he took during the fight have rattled his brain to the point of no return. And think about this: if De La Hoya thinks Mayweather Sr. is a better trainer than Roach, what would have happened to him if Mayweather Sr. had trained Pacquiao instead of Roach? Yikes!

Hinrich vs. Rondo was pattycakes compared to some NBA playoff incidents. Which one is your favorite?

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Rick Fox May Be Done Delighting Lakers Viewers

• Is ex-Laker Rick Fox calling it quits on his basketball broadcast career?

Rick Fox Jeanene Fox

If so, could he bring his sister Jeanene onto the show before he goes?

• This Celtics-Bulls series is turning into an instant playoff classic.

Trev Alberts: Form the TV analyst’s chair to the athletic director’s chair.

Tommy Lasorda visits with the troops - but he’s not looking so well.

• Under Armour recalls over 200,000 athletic supporters. Well, ain’t that a shot to the balls.

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