Okay, we realize we made this point recently, but it needs to be reiterated (especially since new s**t has come to light, man): We love England. Yesterday, it was the MMA fighters in drag taking out a couple drunk idiots on the street.

(This took way too long to make.)

Today, though, it’s British people trying to call a basketball game. Emphasis on “trying.” Apparently, the BBC just trotted out Mark Pougatch and Colin Murray, two reporters without much of a clue about what happens in basketball games, and let them work their way through it. It’s delightful, and the sort of thing that only British people (see: the film careers of Hugh Grant and Jude Law) can get away with without looking completely stupid. Video is after the break.

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The IOC’s highly anticipated 2016 Summer Olympics vote is tomorrow, and what initially appeared to be a slam dunk for the USA has turned into a legitimate two-horse race.

(Pele, representing his country by holding up a Brazilian flag. Please disregard the flag in his other hand.)

Try as President Obama might, Chicago is facing stiff competition from Rio de Janeiro for hosting rights, and it might have something to do with the fact that the Brazilian athletic community is pulling out all the stops. And by that, of course, we mean bringing Pele to Copenhagen on Friday to represent Brazil’s bid. When one thinks of Chicago’s most famous athletes, of course, the list starts and ends with Brad Sellers Michael Jordan. He’s not going to Copenhagen, though, and that means it’s time for Pele to somehow overstate his importance. Mission accomplished.

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In case you haven’t heard, Nike’s at it again, reappropriating 9/11 for their own crass commercial purposes as Michael Jordan gets inducted into the Hall of Fame. Wait, I’m sorry, we’re told that is a wildly untrue statement and that Nike had nothing to do with the date of induction. We regret the error. Anyway, MJ is being inducted today; presumably, the day belongs to him.

But while Jordan grabs the headlines, there are other people being inducted today, most notably John Stockton and David Robinson, two titans of the era in their own right. And while their inductions are generally of the off-without-a-hitch variety, there’s also Peter Vecsey, a NEW YORK POST reporter who’s being inducted for lord knows why. And that’s the real highlight here, folks, because by all accounts, last night, he delivered the worst induction speech of all time.

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Michael Jordan’s not a member of the Basketball Hall of Fame yet. He’s been voted in, of course, and he’ll be inducted on 9/11 (Guys, you couldn’t have picked a better day? Like literally any other day?), but technically, he’s not there yet. But he’s got an exhibit there already in advance of his enshrinement.

(Hey, neat, right?)

It’s a sprawling shrine to the man who revolutionized not only pro basketball but corporate sponsorship - and therein lies a rather jarring problem. That entire exhibit to him, full of sneakers and championship rings? None of it came from MJ himself.

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• An ex-University of New Mexico employee sues the football department, claiming that the Lobos are only looking to employ lovely young ladies.

(“Hey, that bikini is in our school colors! You’re hired!”)

• South Africa can’t seem to give World Cup tickets away, but they’re going to try anyway.

• Washington Nationals broadcasters take some on-air time lambasting Scott Boras and his high-priced client, Stephen Strasburg.

• Speaking of D.C., Redskins backup QB Colt Brennan denies hooking up with Jessica Simpson. Hope you enjoyed your 15 minutes, Colt.

• Brendan Haywood doesn’t think much of Stephon Marbury’s latest online entertainment, but does think he might be gay.

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We’re big fans of Shaq. Have been for years. It’s not just that he’s been one of the most dominant players in NBA history, of course. It’s all the other stuff - the police raids, the White House pop-ins, the Twitterness, the David Beckham “feud”. Just as recently as last week, you warmed our hearts with your Conan O’Brien dance contest. We’ll always love you and your wacky, attention-whoring ways.

But while we hope you succeed at beating everyone at everything in your new, narcissistic reality show ventures, we’ve found a new favorite NBA player to watch and be entertained by. No, not Ron Artest. And jeez, no, of course it’s not Starbury. No, we’re talking about Bulls rookie James Johnson, who has assumed the crown - for now - of the awesomest player in the NBA. Not only is he an actual multi-discipline athlete - an undefeated kickboxer/MMA fighter -  he’s a dancing machine … who thankfully for us, showed off his breakdancing skills on YouTube.

(Video after the jump.)

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Dwyane Wade has always embraced his hometown of Chicago. He played his college ball just up Interstate 94 in Milwaukee and he’s made his South Side roots the cornerstone of his public persona. He’s connected enough to his hometown that rumors fly every year about Wade potentially getting traded to the Bulls; it just seems to make sense to people.

So, what kind of place would a celebrity Chicago native (and housing market expert) be expected to use as a swingin’ bachelor pad during his time back in his hometown? For Dwyane Wade, the answer is evidently this newly-remodeled $1.7 million townhome in Chicago’s River North neighborhood. We’ve got the virtual tour; decide after the jump whether it looks like a great place for a weed-smoking sex party to you.

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Give it to Gatorade: they know how to push Kool-Aid. Despite marketing themselves as the stuff of elite athletes, it seems like you can’t find a bloated kid without a bottle stuck to his lips these days. It’s just sugar and water. Oh, and some electrolytes that kids don’t even need.

(Plus the bottle looks exactly like a schlong with a cap on top. Sorry.)

Gatorade decided to up the ante with some Michael Jordan/Hall of Fame-themed flavors, even though history suggests anything “flavored” like MJ is going to be a sensory horror show. The CHICAGO TRIBUNE’s wine critic, perhaps as a result of a lost bet, was tasked with trying the three new flavors. He reported that they were all wonderfully delicious and haha no he didn’t they’re bottles of pure ass:  Read more…

If there’s one lesson to take from the last 30 years of sports merchandising, it’s that nothing - nothing - is more powerful than the brand. Nike understands this, of course, and their ability to profit from the Michael Jordan “Jumpman” logo has been not just a model, but the golden standard for other shoe companies, teams, and leagues to aspire to.

(You know, this old thing.)

So with MJ’s shoo-in nomination forthcoming (it has to be unanimous, right? has to be), you know Nike’s salivating over adding the “HOF” to their line of Air Jordans. As a matter of fact, they’ve already started the advertising campaign with that obviously fake-viral Leroy Smith ad campaign. That’s going to be a revenue bonanza, right?

Well, yes, and that’s so obvious to the rest of the sports memorabilia world that Nike was beaten to the punch years ago. Read more…

NBA fans outside of Chicago may or may not have taken notice in February of the death of Chicago Bulls legend Johnny “Red” Kerr. Kerr was a longtime broadcaster for the Bulls and the team’s first coach. Casual fans of the game might recognize him best as the guy in whose face Michael Jordan clapped chalk at the start of every game, but Kerr spent the majority of his life - entire life, not just professional life - working in one capacity or another for the storied NBA franchise, including 33 years as color commentator on the team’s telecasts.

But before Kerr was a coach and commentator, he was an NBA veteran center. In fact, at one point he held the record for most consecutive games played in the NBA; the man was pro basketball’s Cal Ripken, Jr. Baseball fans in the 1990s remember Ripken’s dogged pursuit of Lou Gehrig’s consecutive-games record and the utter joy amongst most baseball fans and in the media when he broke one of the game’s most sacred and seemingly-impossible records. Now, imagine that Ripken had been forcibly denied that record - not by injuries, but by a spiteful coach. Because that’s what happened to Johnny “Red” Kerr.

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