Lingerie Footballer Punches Way to MMAer’s Heart

• MMA fighter KJ Noons has kicked up quite a lovely lingerie-football-playing girlfiend in Melany Lorenzo.

Melany Lorenzo

• RB Thomas Jones blames Brett for Jets bumbling down the stretch.

• Man takes an 180-mile bike ride to go on an underage ride of his own.

• March Madness just wouldn’t be complete without a sitcom about heckling starring Tom Arnold.

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Red Card Leads To Player’s Chainsaw Rampage

What started as a friendly soccer match just south of London turned ugly when a player was given a red card and sent off the pitch for using foul langauge, which is just unnecessary and ruins everyone’s good time. Wait, you say that’s not enough to warrant a post? How about the fact that he returned to the field with a chainsaw and tried to cut off the hands of a rival player?

Army of Darkness

Via UNPROFESSIONAL FOUL, Anthony Lloyd, a 20-year-old sore loser, chased down the opposing player and cornered him in the bushes, cutting his chest and trying to chop off his hands. It’s like The Malice At The Palace, only with power tools. And a statement from the prosecuting attorney that sounds like a pitch for a horror movie, after the jump.

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