Speed Read: McNulty Makes “Offer” To Big Ben

Andrea McNulty, the woman who has sued Ben Roethlisberger for allegedly raping her last year, has had her credibility and motivations called into question many times since her lawsuit was filed in July. But now, in an attempt to make her seem both less crazy and less of a gold digger, she has offered to withdraw the lawsuit.

Ben Roethlisberger Andrea McNulty

Oh, if it were only that simple. As you’ll see, McNulty’s “offer” may seem like a noble pursuit, but it stipulates that Big Ben do the one thing he’ll never, ever do. So, without further ado, here are the three conditions for having the lawsuit dropped:

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Speed Read: O.J. Simpson Chase, 15 Years Later

Wednesday was the 15th anniversary of the O.J. Simpson Ford Bronco chase, perhaps the most riveting low-speed pursuit of all time until James Harrison’s fumble return in this year’s Super Bowl. I wonder if someone baked O.J. a cake in jail? (I point this out basically so I can remind everyone that’s where he is right now - in jail. No matter how down or depressed I might get in life, I can now always remind myself of this and smile.)

OJ Simpson Bronco low speed chase

Of course, someone reminded me that O.J. Simpson spent more time in jail over the double murder of his wife and Ronald Goldman than Donte Stallworth will for his DUI manslaughter conviction - and O.J. was found not guilty. Which, of course, is another reminder of just how screwed up the criminal justice system is, causing me to start grinding my teeth again. But then I think: “O.J.’s in jail, trying to fend off the advances of Stickpin Bubba,” and I start to feel better again.

OJ Simpson

It’s amazing to me that, in a pre-9/11 world, the question of “where were you when O.J. ran?” was basically my generation’s version of the JFK assassination. How gloriously naive we were back then. I was home on summer break from college, having just returned from playing some basketball with my friends and sitting slack-jawed with my Mom as the whole thing unfolded. Now the whole thing seems like some dated bit of pop trivia - except for when Fred Goldman pops up to remind you that real people died, and he’d really like to see O.J.’s stuff get sold so he can get some of his money.

Matt Millen’s reputation isn’t as far in the gutter as O.J.’s, but after destroying any shred of hope that the Detroit Lions might have had for winning in the next 20 years, it isn’t good. Which makes you wonder how much credibility he’ll have working as an analyst for the NFL Network this season. But don’t worry, Matt: Don Banks from SPORTS ILLUSTRATED is here to help, with what I assume was meant to be a puff piece on Millen but turns out to be a master class in unintentional comedy.

Matt Millen back on TV

First off, Banks’ main premise is that the stage is set for Millen to have a huge comeback - like Richard Nixon. Yeah, Nixon. Not Frank Sinatra or John Travolta or even Anvil, but Richard Nixon. A good rule of thumb: if you are comparing your interview subject to Richard Nixon in any way, you probably aren’t doing yourself any favors. At least he didn’t compare him to Hitler (that only happens in Detroit).

But it turns out that Matt Millen “admits to being something of a Nixon buff.” Of course he is. And much like Tricky Dick, Millen seems to see himself as the perpetual victim:

“I don’t go backwards,” Millen said. “I just don’t think like that. There’s nothing I can do about [Detroit]. All I can do is from here on out. I understand. In Detroit, they need a bad guy. I was a bad guy. I was to blame for the fall of the auto industry and the housing market. Somehow, I had something to do with [Detroit mayor] Kwame Kilpatrick [resigning], although I’m not sure what. But that’s what happens when you lose in this game. You give everyone a cheap and easy story to jump on.”

Right, because your gross incompetence in leading the Lions to the worst eight-year record in modern NFL history was “cheap and easy” and not at all deserved. Come on. I liked Millen a lot as an analyst, but to try and whitewash his awful tenure in Detroit is simply insane. But Banks seems to think that Millen’s career as an executive might not be over:

I’m intrigued with the idea that Millen, in this era of ultra-short attention spans and a 24/7 news cycle, can put his head down, go back to work at the TV and radio gigs he once excelled at, and re-emerge some day soon with a different reputation and image than he engenders today. I not only think it could happen, I’m convinced it will happen.

Don Banks is clearly off of his meds. Just hang tight there, Don: the men with the white jackets will be there soon to take you back to the funny farm. The idea that a team would be stupid enough to let Matt Millen anywhere near their personnel department is nuts. But then again, as long as Cincinnati is still in the league, anything is possible.

Finally, the Day of the Lakers wrapped up in Los Angeles with Kobe Bryant appearing on the “Tonight Show with Conan O’Brien” to discuss winning his fourth NBA title. Nothing earth-shattering happened (no Triumph the Insult Comic Dog coming on to ask about Colorado), but there were a few decent moments. And seriously, Kobe couldn’t be bothered to get out of his tracksuit for the interview?:

More sports news to consider whether it’s OK to laugh at this window washer’s Wile E. Coyote-like tumble as he fell six stories before bouncing off a lower roof since somehow he lived to tell the tale:

Who is the best catcher of all time?

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Top Football Recruit Considering CFL Over NCAA?

Wichita’s own Bryce Brown, the top-rated high school running back prospect in the country, has not signed with a program officially yet.  His advisor/manager, Brian Butler, is doing everything he can to finagle the best deal and that requires multiple suitors.

Therefore, Butler has tossed in every possible destination he can think of, even if it requires a passport.  That’s why the CFL has come up as one possible home for Brown next season.

Bryce Brown

Of course, Butler has negotiated in the press that he’d want $15m for his client (that he is totally not an agent for) over three years from the CFL and that’s more than CFL teams are allowed to spend on their entire on-field labor force.

That seems to lay bare the true possibility of a high schooler jumping north for football.  However, do not underestimate how much the CFL may want to shiv the NFL…
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Blog-O-Rama: Can Whitlock Score A Pulitzer?

  • BOING BOING wonders if you could play Tecmo Bowl with this controller.

Giant NES Controller

  • YOU’VE BEEN BLINDED sits down with Jason Whitlock. And by “sits down,” we mean “probably exchanged emails.”

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Racer Ashley Force Named AOL’s Hottest Athlete

• FAST MACHINES waves the checkered flag, as Funny Car driver Ashley Force is named AOL’s Hottest Athlete:

Ashley Force

• BUGS AND CRANKS briefs us that Phillies RF Shane Victorino likes to go commando.• ARMCHAIR GM is in awe of these awesomely awesome moments from the first NFL game this season.

• Staying on the field, the AOL FANHOUSE wonders who’s the hoser running the NFL’s web site, as they catch this screen shot of the Colts scoring a rouge against the Saints:

Colts Saints 1 CFL McKenzie Bros

• The LONG BEACH PRESS-TELEGRAM fears UCLA football going the way of the NHL, as the Bruins’ home opener will be televised by Versus.• SONS OF SAM MALONE wants a penny for Elijah Dukes’ thoughts, and his ex-wife wants more in alimony and child support.

• With HGH allegations looming, 100% INJURY RATE asks if Rick Ankiel will get the same treatment as Barry Bonds:

Rick Ankiel Barry Bonds Juice

• The WILLOUGHBY (OH) NEWS-HERALD wonders if the success of the Cleveland Cavaliers and Indians will rub off on the Browns. (Wait, there was success to begin with?)• The TULSA WORLD keeps quiet so they can listen to what these football folks are probably saying right now.

• The CANADIAN PRESS reports Kobe Bryant went to Taiwan and got head & banned…er, got a headband from an aboriginal tribe:

Kobe headband Taiwan

• While over on the Chinese mainland, SPORTS BUSINESS RADIO is afoot of Nike, adidas and Li-Ning fighting for the soles of the Beijing populace.• RUMORS AND RANTS gets a kick out of previewing this weekend’s UFC 75.