• KXAS-TV in Dallas dances up news that Jessica Simpson wants Tony Romo to appear in her new upcoming music video.

• KNUCKLE CURVE tosses along a comedic clip of a hefty Texas Rangers fan falling head over heels for a ballgirl.

• The DAYTON DAILY NEWS is speechless, as Ken Griffey Jr. shuts up a ridiculing mom & her kids by giving them autographed balls.

• CHICAGO BULL cracks a smile at seeing a Google ad for teeth whitening underneath the latest grinning mug shot of Cedric Benson.

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Chicago running back Cedric Benson knows that he’s on thin ice with the Bears’ front office after being pepper sprayed during a boating incident and then getting pulled over for suspicion of DUI.

Once again, Benson is pleading his innocence, claiming that he “aced” the sobriety test. And I believe him, as I’m sure he’s had plenty of experience with them. Read more…

• Bill Williamson of ESPN’s HASHMARKS tokes up word that Ricky Williams could have joined in on the fun of Cedric Benson’s big boating adventure.

• THE SIDNEY CROSBY SHOW skates over video of the Pittsburgh Penguins having some post-game fun with Flyers fans.

• HOME RUN DERBY knows how heated the Cubs-Cardinals rivalry can be, especially when it comes to rigging a jalapeno-eating contest.

• Did your mom sleep with Wilt Chamberlain? THE WORLD OF ISAAC offers this helpful quiz to find out.

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THE DAILY HERALD spoke to Chicago Bears General Manager (and the man responsible for drafting Cedric Benson) Jerry Angelo at a charity event over the weekend and got the first comments about Benson’s recent choppy waters in Texas:

“The thing that I am most disappointed in is the fact that he put himself in a position to be the victim… He’s done a real fine job in the off-season, (but) obviously this makes big story lines. That’s not good for business. Unfortunately we’re having to deal with it, and we’ll just wait and see how all the facts present themselves.”

Now that sounds like the proper defense for a 3.4 yards-per-rush running back.

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This Cedric Benson boating brouhaha keeps getting better & better.

• It’s no surprise that Danica Patrick would have men falling at her feet - but under her tires?

• Shaquille O’Neal is caught talking out of his ass again.

• Don’t tell anyone, but Ray Allen’s mom & step-dad are in the witness protection program.

• What’s in your wallet? One Florida Gator had a dead woman’s credit card in his.

• Tony Dungy takes time during a Tampa school visit to talk smack about the Pats.

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Let the Sturm und Drang continue.

Battle lines have been drawn on both sides of the Cedric Benson arrest, with both sides showing the savvy of average Americans regarding extended public media battles. In other words, they’re both screwing up in full view.

(Full video here)

In response to pictures from a UT co-ed showing large black men partying with white women in an attempt to humanize Benson, the Travis County Sheriff’s Office launched a multimedia counterstrike with a video showing a fuzzy surveillance video of a compliant and demure large black man with his head hung following directions without “cockiness” noted in the police report during arrest.

Seriously, does either side know what they’ve got themselves into? The police undermined their case by showing a polite young man following directions and a naive young woman sandbagged her own friend accidentally by showing many Texans’ worst fears in full color.
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We’ll be getting the new Eagles cheerleaders’ bikini calendar - but only because we, too, care so deeply about preserving our Mother Earth.

• Stay Classy, Atlanta! Charles Barkley makes Ron Burgundy proud.

• Derek Jeter makes his own mark on Maxim’s Hot 100.

• Chris Henry is really a good guy - if you ignore the ankle monitor.

• Charlie Weis suggests where Michigan can hold their next practice.

• Say, was Cedric Benson out boating with Whoopi Goldberg?

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The CHICAGO TRIBUNE follows up the Cedric Benson water-borne fiasco by breaking down all the police activity on Austin’s Lake Travis for it seems the last century - with lotsa mind-spinning stats (help me with this … who is going to read that?).

The only interesting part of the piece is photo that accompanied it.

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Another day, another revelation about the tempest in a Texas lake. Today, we hear that one of Cedric Benson’s friends present on the boat over the weekend when he was arrested for boating while intoxicated and resisting arrest will provide a statement in Benson’s defense. What will we hear in that statement?

“”I called my dad and told him, ‘Call 911, my black friend is getting beaten up by police on Lake Travis,’ ” said Elizabeth Cartwright, 22, a friend of Benson’s from the University of Texas.”

Also, her fiancée took “dozens” of pictures during the assault and/or arrest. We look forward to those leaking from the court records. The red eye from the photos alone should create a sufficiently frightening villain for the press, much less the white tank top he wore in his mug shot.

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SbB enjoys the sights & sounds of the Virgin Islands - America’s Caribbean!

• When it comes to circumcising Filipino children, Florida quarterback Tim Tebow is a cut above the rest.

(The Gators QB studying up on the human body)

• Cedric Benson claims he wasn’t drunk, but he did want his mommy.

• Got $12,000 burning a hole in your pocket? Why not spend it on a soccer ticket in Moscow?

• Jimmy Kimmel & Bill Simmons weigh in on E:6o’s age assassination of Miguel Tejada.

• Nick Saban & Gary Pinkel recall the 1970 shootings at Kent State.

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