In Which The NFL Gets A Little Captain In Them

Sure this Cowboys-Eagles game is entertaining, but why do I suddenly have the urge to loot the Spanish West Indies? That’s Eagles tight end Brent Celek there striking a pose, with the help of teammate Jason Avant following Celek’s TD reception on Sunday night. Guzzlers of fine rum recognized it immediately as the Captain Morgan pose. But why did Celek do it? And why didn’t Avant get on his hands and knees and act as the barrel?

Brent Celek, Captain Morgan

Turns out it was stealth advertising snuck in by the booze company, in cahoots with Celek, with proceeds going to charity. The NFL of course was not amused, and has vowed to hunt down all such advertising pirates and hang their heads from the yardarm. Read more…

Playboy Golf Outing Means Free Tasers for NFLers

• What’s a little Playboy Golf without some free Tasers for the NFL guests?

Playboy golf taster

• The Chicago Cubs get a little Captain in them with the opening of a new rum-fueled Wrigley Field eatery.

• Yankees say they have no seats left under $375 - but they’re lying!

• Are you an NFL team that wants to know more about the personal lives of potential draft picks? Why not create some fake Facebook accounts?

• Because of the ongoing U.S.-Iran trade embargo, Hamed Haddadi of the Memphis Grizzlies is short-changed from getting any endorsement deals.

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Speed Read: Cubs Riding Hard Liquor Bandwagon

It wasn’t enough for Diageo, the makers of Smirnoff vodka, to invite the good folks of Phoenix out to see their hockey team free with the purchase of a bottle of booze.  Now they’re plastering their name across The World’s Largest Beer Garden in an attempt to make further inroads into the sports scene. That’s one way to pay for stadium upgrades if you won’t pony up to the governor.

Drunk Boozer Wrigley Field Cubs fans

Wrigley Field will now host the Captain Morgan Club (a restaurant) and the Smirnoff Patio and provide lovely mixed drinks to the fans that like to do a little drinking around 10 am at home and then ride the El to Addison and start downing car bombs around 11:30 am for a 1:20 pm start.

If Cubs fans aren’t careful, they might even put Toronto Blue Jays fans to shame.  That’s not easy to do, either; they can’t be stopped even if Daddy takes the alcohol away for a game.  (Not to mention the gratuitous nudity.)

Also gratuitous: the entire 2008-2009 NCAA women’s basketball season. The University of Connecticut Huskies won their 39th straight game by double-digits to complete their undefeated season and claim the nation’s crown.

Connecticut Huskies

Stanford University of Louisville kept this game competitive for about as long as you’ve been reading this article thus far, which still might be the best effort of the year for a UConn opponent.  This could be the point for a snide joke about going pro in a little something we call life, but these young women are already professional assassins.  Yikes.

We know the short-lived hole in the media filter (and the filter on media members themselves) caused by Twitter will soon close and leave us with more canned responses and layers of personal marketing protection.  As we speak, there are businesses springing up around the management of social spaces and new media integration and other phrases that dampen the soul.

For now, though, we live in truly awesome times.  Example: Bill Stewart (West Virginia’s head football coach and the antithesis of R-Rod) has been carrying on like a blessed fool on Twitter, including how he threw all the kickers out of a meeting or how he gets so fired up by Chubby Checker that he sprints into practice at 4:15 am.

West Virginia head coach Bill Stewart

Go like this, Coach Stewart.  Go like this all morning long.

And now the twisting hail of bullets that Carl Landry could heal up from in only three weeks

Francis Buxton

  • Stan Kasten, president of the Washington Nationals, went on Philly radio and told Phillies fans just how much they were welcome to fill those increasingly empty seats at Nationals Park, having apparently forgotten that D.C. sports fans survive the surprisingly harsh winters by burning compressed carbon logs of their own hate for other teams.  You’d think Stan Kasten had bigger fish to fry, frankly.  For example, Dmitri Young just called Stan Kasten’s house because he heard Kasten’s hosting a fish fry.
  • Your NBA Draft early departure update: Blake Griffin (as mentioned late yesterday), Jodie Meeks, and everyone in the city of Tucson.  They’re gonna need a bigger green room.
  • Senator Ted Kennedy threw out the first pitch at Fenway Park on Opening Day.  Senator Bill Frist saw this video and declared Kennedy alive and well, raising his batting average to .500.
  • The San Diego Padres have one chance at a title: Miss California Carrie Prejean (a former “Deal or No Deal” model) will be competing for the Miss USA title in Vegas on April 19th and she’s a former member of the Padres’ “Pad Squad”.  It’s good that she’s no longer with the organization or Becky Moores might demand weekend visitation rights.

Carrie Prejean, Miss California 2009

How many majors for Tiger Woods this year?

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American Democracy in Fine Erect State in Denver

THE BIG LEAD has confirmed that we have nothing to fear as Americans from the blending of spectacle, sports, and politics at the Democratic National Convention last week in Denver.  After all, how could any event that can produce this picture ever lead to poor governance?

Charles Barkley and Captain Morgan

Also, who else in the world has such a missile defense shield like this right outside their event?

Democratic National Convention - Trojans

Right.  We rest our case.

And for those who feel THE BIG LEAD or us are possibly highlighting the Democratic National Convention too much, we have exclusive photos of the Republican National Convention setup next week which will show you the difference between the two parties quite clearly:
Read more…