Ana Ivanovic Becoming A New Anna Kournikova?

• Is Ana Ivanovic gradually turning into Anna Kournikova, at least in terms of tennis winnability?

Ana Ivanovic Anna Kournikova

• WNBA star Candace Parker says she’s conscious of what she eats. But she won’t remain conscious for long by scarfing down some In ‘n’ Out.

• Irate Irish fans use billboard to complain about Charlie Weis.

• Could the Big Ten be bringing a bowl game to Yankee Stadium?

A-Rod talks to teens about steroid abuse. Ironic or inspirational?

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Untruths In Advertising: Candace Parker Edition

On my way home in a cab from a Lendale White-inspired evening, I read this Tweet from the lovely Candace Parker about her postgame meal plans:

Candace Parker Prefers In-N-Out

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I had originally planned to stopped by Trader Joe’s to pick up some Broccoli slaw and Almond milk, but as Ms. Parker tells us in this advertisement for adidas, “I’m definitely conscious of what I eat, especially during the season.

So, like Ms. Parker and the (former) Mr. White, I went animal-style instead.

Week In Review: Reggie & Kimmy K.’s Rotten Rain

• Fake rain: Reggie Bush & Kim Kardashian toss out some money to Miami clubgoers - only to quickly grab it all back.

Reggie Bush Kim Kardashian

• Oh, baby: Candace Parker’s pregnancy has produced a couple of nice C-Cups for the WNBA star, while Dwight Howard’s ex-girlfriend shows up at a Magic game with his 1-year-old son.

• Meanwhile, Jenna Jameson is the proud mama of Tito Ortiz’s twins.

• Speaking of nice pairs, say hello to this flirty Florida Panthers fan.

• The AVP’s new ad campaign features some nice assets. And it’s all thanks to the volleyball tour’s new “Apprentice”-competing, Playboy-posing V.P.

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The Rock, Paper, Steroids; Lenny’s A Lousy Boss

Dwayne Johnson, a.k.a. The Rock, comes clean about past steroid use. Show him all’s forgiven by paying $14 to see “Race To Witch Mountain”!

The Rock Dwayne Johnson Lenny Dykstra

Lenny Dykstra - great boss, financial genius, and friend of all races. And if you believe that, there’s a bridge in Brooklyn we’d like to sell you.

• It’s March Madness time! Awkward high-five between old white guys!

• Despite his marvelous on-court skills, Dwyane Wade won’t be schoolin’ anyone in Miami this year.

• New video shows Donte Stallworth taking a sobriety test after last weekend’s car accident that killed a pedestrian.

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Candace Parker Is Extremely Proud Of Her C-Cups

Candace Parker might be the best women’s basketball player in the world. She’s also pregnant, and got hitched in a shotgun marriage to a guy nicknamed “The Landlord”. But perhaps most importantly to her, she fills out a C cup bra. At least that’s the story, according to ESPN’s Allison Glock.

candace parker pregnant

Just how fond is Parker of her bra size? Fond enough that Glock felt she had to mention it twice in the first paragraph of her ESPN The Magazine feature about marketing Parker, both domestically and overseas. Or maybe Glock is just jealous of the C cups herself? Whatever the reason, ESPN is typecasting Parker as a potential female Michael Jordan, which, of course, is impossible. Then again, it’d also be impossible to mention Parker’s breasts or her “endless legs” more prominently in the article.

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ACC Tourney Tix Unsold For 1st Time In 42 Years

For 40-plus years, there were only two ways to get tickets to the ACC Tournament for men’s basketball. One involved making huge donations to an ACC school, which got you on a list. If you donated enough, you got permission to buy a book of tickets for a bunch of ACC tourney games, including ones you wouldn’t attend if you had a parlay on them.

The other way? Marry Shelden Williams. (It would finally provide an explanation for the Lyle Lovett-Julia Roberts combination that is Candace Parker and Shelden Williams.)

Shelden Williams and Candace Parker

(You no longer have to bear this man’s child to see Duke play in the ACC Tournament)

However, the impending death of the world economy (ETA for the day Mike Krzyzewski flies coach: 18 months) has led to the seventh seal being broken: Tickets for the ACC Tournament may go on sale to the unwashed general public. Please stock your bomb shelters accordingly.
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Speed Read: Gators Win BCS Title, Nation Yawns

It was close, but last night’s BCS Championship Game was far from a classic. Now nobody’s sure who the best team in the country is, with Utah, USC, and Texas all able to make legitimate claims. It certainly didn’t look like either one of the teams playing last night deserved it. The only thing we do know is that Fox broadcaster Thom Brennaman has a Florida-sized man crush on Tim Tebow, who finally decided to not suck in the fourth quarter of the Gators’ 24-14 win over Oklahoma. Brennaman and Charles Davis‘ gushing reached unbearable levels late in the game, when, after Tebow received a taunting penalty, they suggested that he was baited into it by an OU player (with zero evidence to suggest that was true). How could this guy have possibly done anything wrong?:

Tim Tebow

As for the Sooners, Sam Bradford continued a storied tradition of that year’s Heisman Trophy-winning quarterback playing like crap in the title game. Lions fans officially have nothing to look forward to.

The highlight of the game for me personally was the fact that ACC referee Ron Cherry was involved. Cherry made waves last season for creating a new reason to call a personal foul:

We know that the coaches are supposedly required to give their #1 vote to the BCS winner (although Utah’s Kyle Whittingham says he’s voting for his team), but the AP title was up for grabs. And even though Florida’s win could be considered somewhat lackluster (the defensive effort was really good, I’ll admit), they got 48 of 64 first-place votes, with the Utes receiving the other 16 and finishing #2. Way to make a statement, there, disgruntled sportswriters of America.

Rocco Baldelli and his weird mystery disease signed with the Red Sox yesterday. He’ll only get $500,00 in base salary, but can earn an additional $1.75 million if he stays on the roster all year. John Smoltz is rumored to be the next signing for the Red Sox. Meanwhile, Trevor Hoffman signed a $6 million dollar deal to be the closer for the Brewers this year.

Let’s get on with the linking:

• YAHOO SPORTS’ Adrian Wojnarowski writes that the Portland Trail Blazers are threatening litigation against any team that decides to sign Darius Miles. The Blazers were able to purge Miles’ contract from their salary cap last year when they succesfully argued that he had suffered career-ending injuries. But Miles recovered, and has played eight games. If he plays two more games, his salary goes back on Portland’s cap, limiting the Blazers’ versatility in the offseason free-agent market and also sending luxury tax money to every other team in the league. The Blazers are worried that some team will sign Miles to a 10-day contract just to screw them over.

Darius Miles

•  Stanford’s win over Washington in women’s basketball was expected. But nobody really thought the Cardinal would win the game by 77 points. Yikes. It’s the largest margin of victory in Pac-10 history. Stanford led 62-15 at halftime and rolled to a 112-35 win. The SEATTLE P-I has the game story.

• NEWSDAY says Brett Favre’s in no hurry to decide whether or not to return next year.  The suspense is killing me.

• According to MLB TRADE RUMORS, the Pirates are talking to the Yankees about a trade for Xavier Nady. You know, the same guy the Pirates traded to the Yankees last year. They might have new management, but they’re the same ol’ Pirates.

• THE DALY PLANET says that NASCAR’s truck series may be in a bit of trouble, and that you can count the number of drivers with a full-time ride in the series “on two hands.”

• This letter to the editor in the WALL STREET JOURNAL hits on a truth that isn’t often talked about so plainly: if you’re an NFL fan, you’re a fan of socialism.

• Iowa Hawkeyes radio broadcaster and former NFL player Ed Podolak was having some fun down in Tampa last week before the Outback Bowl. THE WIZ OF ODDS has the photos, courtesy of an Iowa State message board (of course):

Ed Podolak

Curt Schilling is getting after Dan Shaughnessy again, this time about Shaughnessy treating Roger Clemens and Pedro Martinez differently in the same situation and suggesting the race card. THE BIG LEAD has the details.

• The EXAMINER’s Paula Duffy reports that the WNBA and L.A. Sparks are doing their best to pretend that they aren’t furious over the news that 2008 league MVP Candace Parker is pregnant. Parker is set to give birth in May, and it’s unclear when she’ll be able to return to the court, if at all, in 2009.

• THE NASHVILLE SCENE says a Tennessee representative has proposed a $400 yearly tax for pro athletes and entertainers as a way for the state to make money. Tennessee has no state income tax. No word on whether or not Kerry Collins would have to pay double.

Which is the creepiest announcer-related man crush?

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MMAer Dating A Lingerie Football Player = Pics

There aren’t many sports power couples, but there’s definitely a hierarchy. Andre Agassi and Steffi Graf are the A-listers. Shelden Williams and Candace Parker are, generously, B-list. Jennie Finch and Casey Daigle are just scraping by as C-listers. So where does that leave MMA Fighter KJ Noons and Lingerie Football League “player” Melany Lorenzo? Who cares, she’s hot and has lots of pictures. Happy New Year to you, too.

KJ Noons and Melany Lorenzo

Noons has put together a 7-2 record in MMA, mostly EliteXC of late. And Lorenzo, big surprise, is a former Playboy model (I’m shocked - shocked! - that someone in Lingerie Football would have to resort to something so degrading). Which means, if you were so inclined, there are ways of seeing her in less clothing. Although these will suffice for now, I think.

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Shock and Sparks Give Us Our First WNBA Brawl

On Saturday, Milka Duno threw her towel at Danica Patrick for yelling at her after a time trial for the Honda Indy 200, and we all called the minor flare up between the two female athletes a “cat fight.” But what happened last night in Detroit - the bench-clearing WNBA brawl featuring Candace Parker and Plenette Pierson - can simply be described as a “fight”. Or “heaven”, for those of you who have GIRLFIGHTS.COM as your homepage.

WNBA Fight 1

In the closing seconds of the 4th quarter, Parker and Pierson got tangled up, causing the former Tennessee Lady Vol to fall to the floor. While Candace was trying to get up, Pierson intentionally ran into her. Then as the kids would say, “it was on.” A melee ensued, with benches clearing, arms flailing, legs kicking and surely lots of really bad name calling. Former NBA bad boys Bill Laimbeer and Rick Mahorn even got involved. Three players and Mahorn, who threw Lisa Leslie halfway across the floor in an attempt to play peacemaker, were ejected.

You may recall that Mahorn was also involved in the Ron Artest incident in that very same building in 2004 as a broadcaster for the Pistons. If a fight breaks out in Detroit, Rick will be there.

Video courtesy of AWFUL ANNOUNCING after the jump.

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Blog-A-Roni: Imus’ Racist Remarks About Pacman

• DEADSPIN finds Don Imus trying desperately to stay in the public eye with some more off-color comments - this time about Adam “Don’t Call Me Pacman Anymore” Jones.

Pacman Jones Don Imus

• PRO FOOTBALL TALK stays in step with George Martin, the ex-Giants lineman who just finished his 3,000-mile walk from New York to San Diego and raised over $2 million for 9/11 rescue workers.

• JUICED SPORTS BLOG squeezes out news that C.C. Sabathia will soon be saying sayonara to the Indians - and Cleveland’s dugout couldn’t be more relieved.

Darren Rovell of CNBC puts his best foot forward in explaining why this year’s top NBA draft picks haven’t signed shoe deals yet.

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