Just how fond is Parker of her bra size? Fond enough that Glock felt she had to mention it twice in the first paragraph of her ESPN The Magazine feature about marketing Parker, both domestically and overseas. Or maybe Glock is just jealous of the C cups herself? Whatever the reason, ESPN is typecasting Parker as a potential female Michael Jordan, which, of course, is impossible. Then again, it’d also be impossible to mention Parker’s breasts or her “endless legs” more prominently in the article.
For 40-plus years, there were only two ways to get tickets to the ACC Tournament for men’s basketball. One involved making huge donations to an ACC school, which got you on a list. If you donated enough, you got permission to buy a book of tickets for a bunch of ACC tourney games, including ones you wouldn’t attend if you had a parlay on them.
The other way? Marry Shelden Williams. (It would finally provide an explanation for the Lyle Lovett-Julia Roberts combination that is Candace Parker and Shelden Williams.)
(You no longer have to bear this man’s child to see Duke play in the ACC Tournament)
It was close, but last night’s BCS Championship Game was far from a classic. Now nobody’s sure who the best team in the country is, with Utah, USC, and Texas all able to make legitimate claims. It certainly didn’t look like either one of the teams playing last night deserved it. The only thing we do know is that Fox broadcaster Thom Brennaman has a Florida-sized man crush on Tim Tebow, who finally decided to not suck in the fourth quarter of the Gators’ 24-14 win over Oklahoma. Brennaman and Charles Davis‘ gushing reached unbearable levels late in the game, when, after Tebow received a taunting penalty, they suggested that he was baited into it by an OU player (with zero evidence to suggest that was true). How could this guy have possibly done anything wrong?:
As for the Sooners, Sam Bradford continued a storied tradition of that year’s Heisman Trophy-winning quarterback playing like crap in the title game. Lions fans officially have nothing to look forward to.
The highlight of the game for me personally was the fact that ACC referee Ron Cherry was involved. Cherry made waves last season for creating a new reason to call a personal foul:
We know that the coaches are supposedly required to give their #1 vote to the BCS winner (although Utah’s Kyle Whittingham says he’s voting for his team), but the AP title was up for grabs. And even though Florida’s win could be considered somewhat lackluster (the defensive effort was really good, I’ll admit), they got 48 of 64 first-place votes, with the Utes receiving the other 16 and finishing #2. Way to make a statement, there, disgruntled sportswriters of America.
Rocco Baldelli and his weird mystery disease signed with the Red Sox yesterday. He’ll only get $500,00 in base salary, but can earn an additional $1.75 million if he stays on the roster all year. John Smoltz is rumored to be the next signing for the Red Sox. Meanwhile, Trevor Hoffmansigned a $6 million dollar deal to be the closer for the Brewers this year.
Let’s get on with the linking:
• YAHOO SPORTS’ Adrian Wojnarowski writes that the Portland Trail Blazers are threatening litigation against any team that decides to sign Darius Miles. The Blazers were able to purge Miles’ contract from their salary cap last year when they succesfully argued that he had suffered career-ending injuries. But Miles recovered, and has played eight games. If he plays two more games, his salary goes back on Portland’s cap, limiting the Blazers’ versatility in the offseason free-agent market and also sending luxury tax money to every other team in the league. The Blazers are worried that some team will sign Miles to a 10-day contract just to screw them over.
• Stanford’s win over Washington in women’s basketball was expected. But nobody really thought the Cardinal would win the game by 77 points. Yikes. It’s the largest margin of victory in Pac-10 history. Stanford led 62-15 at halftime and rolled to a 112-35 win. The SEATTLE P-I has the game story.
• Curt Schilling is getting after Dan Shaughnessy again, this time about Shaughnessy treating Roger Clemens and Pedro Martinez differently in the same situation and suggesting the race card. THE BIG LEAD has the details.
• The EXAMINER’s Paula Duffy reports that the WNBA and L.A. Sparks are doing their best to pretend that they aren’t furious over the news that 2008 league MVP Candace Parker is pregnant. Parker is set to give birth in May, and it’s unclear when she’ll be able to return to the court, if at all, in 2009.
There aren’t many sports power couples, but there’s definitely a hierarchy. Andre Agassi and Steffi Graf are the A-listers. Shelden Williams and Candace Parker are, generously, B-list. Jennie Finch and Casey Daigle are just scraping by as C-listers. So where does that leave MMA Fighter KJ Noons and Lingerie Football League “player” Melany Lorenzo? Who cares, she’s hot and has lots of pictures. Happy New Year to you, too.
Noons has put together a 7-2 record in MMA, mostly EliteXC of late. And Lorenzo, big surprise, is a former Playboy model (I’m shocked - shocked! - that someone in Lingerie Football would have to resort to something so degrading). Which means, if you were so inclined, there are ways of seeing her in less clothing. Although these will suffice for now, I think.
On Saturday, Milka Duno threw her towel at Danica Patrick for yelling at her after a time trial for the Honda Indy 200, and we all called the minor flare up between the two female athletes a “cat fight.” But what happened last night in Detroit - the bench-clearing WNBA brawl featuring Candace Parker and Plenette Pierson -can simply be described as a “fight”. Or “heaven”, for those of you who have GIRLFIGHTS.COM as your homepage.
In the closing seconds of the 4th quarter, Parker and Pierson got tangled up, causing the former Tennessee Lady Vol to fall to the floor. While Candace was trying to get up, Pierson intentionally ran into her. Then as the kids would say, “it was on.” A melee ensued, with benches clearing, arms flailing, legs kicking and surely lots of really bad name calling. Former NBA bad boys Bill Laimbeer and Rick Mahorn even got involved. Three players and Mahorn, who threw Lisa Leslie halfway across the floor in an attempt to play peacemaker, were ejected.
You may recall that Mahorn was also involved in the Ron Artest incident in that very same building in 2004 as a broadcaster for the Pistons. If a fight breaks out in Detroit, Rick will be there.