I Don’t Think The Lions Thought This One Through

Are you a Detroit Lions fan? Yes? Well then do I have a question for you: what in the hell is wrong with you? Why on Earth would anyone want to root for a franchise that not only went 0-16 this season, but hasn’t had a winning season since going 9-7 back in 2000? Why support a team that hasn’t been to the playoffs in ten years, and hasn’t won a title of any kind in more than fifty? You do realize that the Lions are so bad that Barry Sanders decided to retire instead of breaking Walter Payton’s career rushing record because he realized he’d have to do it as a Detroit Lion don’t you? That’s like being told you’re the prettiest girl at fat camp.

Just on final question for you, though, Lions Fan. Are you sick of having to answer questions regarding your intelligence/sanity for supporting the Lions? Well then I have some good news for you. The time has come to turn the tables and vent your frustrations to the the Lions themselves because they want you to attend a Town Hall meeting at Ford Field and let them know how completely inept they are.

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Expectations Lowered, Lions Lower Ticket Prices

William Clay Ford and the Detroit Lions management finally got one move right. (No, they’ll probably still draft a bust wide receiver.[Actually, we probably can’t make that joke anymore, since Calvin Johnson is the truth.]) They’re bringing down ticket prices.

Ford Field

Considering fans have paid an average of infinity dollars per win this year, and the city of Detroit is being hit particularly hard by the recession, the Lions have announced that they won’t increase ticket prices next year, as is customary. In fact, they’ll actually bring prices down on eight percent of general admission seats. Considering there were more than 10,000 unsold tickets for their home finale last week, this is a sound business move, and will avoid a public relations disaster.

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Peyton Manning Looks Average In 34-14 Loss

Typing that headline above was difficult, because I don’t think even the first half has ever been said by anybody ever. Peyton Manning is not average. He is not human. He’s still the guy who had the record for most passing TDs for a few years before last season’s ridiculousness that was Tom Brady and the Patriots*. And yet there he was at Lambeau today, throwing for 229 yards and two touchdowns. The teensy eensy problem with that line is that those touchdowns were for Green Bay, who slapped the Colts around and led by as many as 27 points up until garbage time. 34-14 is your final.

Aaron Rouse says wheeeeee

Yes, the Green Bay offense only outscored Indianapolis‘ offense by a count of 20-14, but the rest of the stats confirm the domination. Green Bay racked up 23 first downs, punted all of twice today (both boomed for touchbacks), and kept the ball for over 33 minutes, tiring a Colts defense that obviously misses reigning Defensive POY Bob Sanders.

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