Myth-Making 101: Pastner ‘Never Tried Caffeine’?

The ASSOCIATED PRESS has the latest piece celebrating the obscene devotion of Memphis hoops coach Josh Pastner to his job. Like you, I’ve heard too many stories about Pastner’s fastidious approach to coaching, but something new caught my eye in the AP profile.

(So no granola, cereal or fat-free frozen yogurt ever? Amazing!)

Pastner, the new Memphis coach, says he has never sipped alcohol, smoked a cigarette, tried caffeine or drunk a soda. He is no goody two-shoes; he is just the coaching equivalent of a gym rat.

“He’s always said he would want to tell his players if he wants to be a role model for his players, he would want to make sure what he told them, he lived so he decided never to drink alcohol, and we never gave him soda,” Hal Pastner said.

The last person touting something like that was Todd Marinovich, who most recently was busted for meth while skateboarding as a 40-something in Orange County.

Josh Pastner, thanks to his own relentless self-promotion to the media, might be the most written-about, first-year college hoops coach in history. Call me a cynic, but I’m very dubious of all that he has to claimed media lap dogs over the years.

Josh Castner has reportedly “never tried caffeine”. Buying it?

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A clue why I think Pastner is a serial exaggerator came from a single, seemingly innocuous claim thrown into the AP piece: Read more…

Vitaminwater Won’t Cause Failed NCAA Drug Tests

Did you know that Red M&M’s will give you cancer? And that KFC can’t legally use the word “chicken” anymore? And that Vitaminwater contains substances banned by the NCAA? They’re all about as true as Mikey dying from mixing Pop Rocks and Coke.

Vitaminwater

The media breathlessly jumped all over the story this week that certain flavors of Vitaminwater, made by NCAA sponsor Coca-Cola, contain certain performance-enhancing chemicals that can cause a player to fail drug tests, therefore losing his eligibility and livelihood. Likely forwarded to you by the same person who sends you emails with the subject line “Forward This to 10 Friends and Your Wish Will Come True,” the news was even seized upon by Drug Free Sports. Problem is, it’s not true.

Read more…

Zambrano’s About To Suffer Caffeine Withdrawal

Can we get a straight diagnosis on Cubs pitcher Carlos Zambrano? MLB.COM says his potassium level is low, while the SUN-TIMES says it’s more than that. It’s all that damn Red Bull. Hey, at least it’s not a twisted testicle. (Yet.)

Cubs fight Zambrano Barrett

(”C’mon, dude, gimme a sip of your Mountain Dew!” “No way man, you owe me from the last one.” “You know I’m good for it!”)

His hydration problems came to light on Monday when he “changed sweat-soaked shirts three times during Monday’s start,” even though he had plenty of fluids, including Gatorade. In the 7th inning, they had to yank him in lieu of a reliever because of muscle cramps. So they’re going to send his sweat to the Gatorade Sports Science Institute for evaluation. Read more…