Carumba, Omar Vizquel Wants To Be A Bullfighter

When last we left Omar Vizquel during the off season, he was wrestling anacondas. This year following the Texas Rangers’ World Series appearance (laugh track), Vizquel wants to climb into the ring with a larger opponent.

Omar Vizquel

In a conflict as old as mammals themselves, it will be American League infielder vs. bull in a struggle for survival. Vizquel wants to learn to be a matador when he returns to his native Venezuela later this month. Your move, PETA. Read more…

Plaxico’s First Night In Jail Could Have Gone Better

• How did Plaxico Burress’ first night behind bars go? Fine - if you discount the other inmate taunts of “A**hole!” & “The Giants suck!

Plaxico Burress courtroom

• Washington State RB James Montgomery underwent surgery on his injured knee last Sunday. And doctors soon learned that it was a good thing James didn’t delay - or he might have died.

• Could the Nets’ new owner have LeBron Russian to New Jersey?

Perez Hilton posts his doubts about whether Lamar Odom & Khloe Kardashian will actually tie the knot.

Evander Holyfield has the bright idea to turn his Georgia mansion into a solar power plant.

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Bullfighting And Gay Soft Drinks, Together At Last

To the outside world, there’s something unsettlingly effete and flamboyant about bullfighting - specifically, the matadors in the ring. Though the average matador probably swims in a pile of nubile groupies like Scrooge McDuck does money, the whole outfit, the flourishes, the whole thing seems… well, for lack of a better term, a little gay. There, we said it.

Gay Up Can
(As opposed to “straight up,” we suppose.)

And while there’s an undeniable, logical brilliance behind putting on that show and trading the suspicions of those with extra-sensitive gaydars for gobs of money and fame, at the end of the day, straight men generally want to be thought of as, y’know… straight. In other words, they probably wouldn’t ordinarily choose to wear a cape that says “GAY UP” on it. Or so you’d think.

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First Fatality In 15 Years At Running Of The Bulls

Because we occasionally need a reminder that 1,000-pound animals running amongst drunken revelers on cobblestone surfaces is not the world’s smartest idea, there’s news that a man was gored to death on Day 4 of Pamplona, Spain’s infamous Running of the Bulls. It was the first death at the annual Festival of Gratuitous Mayhem since 1995 (22-year-old American Matthew Tassio), and nine other people were also injured — one, a 61-year-old man, who suffered internal bleeding. This after the first three days of the Festival of San Fermin in which runners escaped virtually unscathed.

According to the festival web site, a “rogue bull” separated from the pack and began charging people (video below); which never makes for a fun afternoon. The man who was killed was Spaniard Daniel Jimeno Romero, 27, who was gored in the neck and lung. Paramedics were on the scene immediately but were unable to revive him. Read more…

It’s Time For The Running Of The Bald Guys Bulls

It’s one of the world’s most confounding spectacles, where dangerous beasts, crazed participants and horrified spectators combine in a festival of injury and mayhem. But enough about the Michael Jackson Memorial. Today was also the first day of the Running of the Bulls in Pamplona, Spain, which is part of the Festival of San Fermin. I know that Saint Fermin is the patron of Pamplona, but is there a patron Saint for idiots? Whoever it is, we need him now.

One man who attended the first day called it “a clean run,” although the lumbering gentleman in the red shirt above would disagree. And that report doesn’t take into account the protests in and around the streets of San Fermin, where Spain’s version of PETA gets naked (of course) to let you know that bullfighting is not cool. Photos, video below. Read more…

11-Year-Old Bullfighters Are Probably A Bad Idea

Let’s be very clear about this. There are very, very few instances in which actively, publicly rooting for a child to be seriously injured is acceptable. It’s tempting, yes, but you can’t cheer against that whiny little snot-nose in all those kids’ sports movies who gets to win a championship just because he finds a magical animal that knows how to play sports. Well, you can’t do that at the theater around children, anyway. At home, sure, you can pray all you like that Air Bud turns on his human owner and rips his arms off, and frankly they would have made like 100 times more money off the movie if that happened, but still: severely injured children, even in your sick fantasies, is generally not okay.

Michelito The Littlest Bullfighter
(Not a midget, sadly.)

But when the child is bullfighting, on purpose, with knives and killing and everything, well, the schadenfloodgates are wide open, sir, and prepared for maximum carnage. That little tyke up there is 11-year-old Michelito, which is Mexican for “Son of Judge Ito.” And despite protestations from PETA and child protection campaigns, Michelito killed six “bulls” at a bullfighting show in southeastern Mexico this weekend.

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