• The Lakers win the NBA title, and many Angelenos celebrate accordingly - if “Angeleno” is Spanish for “a$$hole“.

• Baseball phenom Bryce Harper don’t need no education, plans to skip final two years of high school to become eligible for next year’s MLB draft.

• Posing for a new photoshoot, Anna Kournikova shows she’s still A-OK.

• “Joe Buck Live” makes its long-awaited(?) debut, and Artie Lange insures that it’s a memorable one.

• The mom of porn star Catalina Cruz used to work as a secretary for former Cleveland Browns coach Sam Rutigliano.

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• Kevin Love is the first one to tell, er, Tweet the world that Kevin McHale would be leaving the Timberwolves.

• Now that’s what you call a road test fiesta! Thanks, Top Gear!

• Could Coach K depart Duke to land as head honcho for the Lakers?

• Eddie Van Halen is very hot at Nike for ripping off his guitar to design their new shoes.

• The Stanley Cup takes a dip in Mario Lemieux’s pool.

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Bud Selig’s big problem is that English is his first language. When caught up in one of his monumental f***-ups, it would be convenient if he could just sit back and claim that he doesn’t understand what anyone is saying. Coincidentally, that’s what Sammy Sosa has done on more than one occasion – including to Congress — when asked about steroid use.

So now it’s leaked that Sosa tested positive in 2003, and Selig’s reaction is, basically, “Hey! That was supposed to be a secret!” And now, like an Irish cop on the beat, his job seems to be to disperse the onlookers. Selig is SHOCKED that anyone has interest in this!

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Now that the whole “amateur” thing is completely out the window for Olympians, it’s now becoming only a matter of time before the American professional leagues begin releasing their athletes for competition. Well, except for football; we don’t think anyone from the NFL is going to the Olympics. Well, unless competitive eating becomes an Olympic event, in which case LenDale White can finally become the worldwide hero he was born to be.

(I’m sorry, Imaginary Hypodermic Needle. I don’t think you’re wanted for this one. Go back to the clubhouse.)

So while the MLB isn’t in for the 2012 Olympics, the 2016 games in Chicago are another matter entirely. With Wrigley Field and the Cell right there in the city and the home stage (as well as seven years to negotiate with owners), according to BIG LEAGUE STEW, the MLB thinks now’s the time to kinda commit to bringing its athletes to the Olympics:  Read more…

To reference a certain “Star Trek” captain, baseball commissioner Bud Selig does not believe in no-win scenarios. He looks at a half-empty stadium and prefers to see it as half full, and said as much when addressing baseball’s significant attendance dip at the owners meetings in Manhattan on Thursday.

Overall major league attendance is down 5.3 percent from last season, with an average of 28,693 fans per game, according to Baseball-Reference. That’s rather striking considering that the Mets and Yankees are both in new stadiums — the Yanks showed a decrease from last season of 6,823 fans per game. Of course those no-shows could all be corporate clients afraid to show their faces in $2,500 seats after accepting TARP money. Read more…

A friend here in L.A. went to a Dodgers-Giants game last weekend, on a gorgeous Saturday afternoon. He reported that despite the team’s first-place standing and the rival Giants in town, the ballpark was half-empty.

(Mannywood ripped down, ticketholders ripped off)

One guess why that would be. (Make you wonder how many people ate their tickets instead of watching Juan Pierre hit into infield fly rules all weekend.)

Today, while the Dodgers were busy ripping down MannyWood billboards all over town, Manny Ramirez apologized to his teammates for getting caught by MLB using steroids. (Notice I didn’t say ‘allegedly’.) Yeah, his failed drug test didn’t reveal direct steroid usage, but the drug that was found to be using was the same prescription-only compound that Jose Canseco was caught trying to smuggle across the Mexican border a few months ago. Enough said.

So we now know that Ramirez has done steroids, along with MLBers Alex Rodriguez, Roger Clemens, Barry Bonds, Rafael Palmeiro, Mark McGwire and Sammy Sosa. And more than 100 others according to SPORTS ILLUSTRATED.

So why is Ramirez apologizing? On the contrary, shouldn’t Bud Selig and MLB be apologizing to Dodger season ticket holders who shelled out thousands just to see Ramirez, only to have him miss a third of the season for doing something everyone else has and will continue to do? Read more…

Three months ago I wrote that since Alex Rodriguez was found to have used steroids, the baseball Hall of Fame was eventually going to have to let in anyone who had the numbers to warrant induction. That included guys like Mark McGwire, who if not for the pall cast over his career by steroid-use suspicion, would already be in Cooperstown. Not to mention Roger Clemens and Barry Bonds, who may soon be unequivocally found to have used PEDs throughout their careers.

(OK, a little over-the-top)

Guys like Bud Selig, Bob Costas, dozens of holier-than-thou baseball writers, and plenty of other dinosaur media members though have continued to intimate with their words and deeds that confirmed (and suspected) steroid users should not be afforded the honor of entering the Hall.

But now with the news today of Manny Ramirez using PEDs, it’s getting to the point where if we don’t let steroid/PED users into Cooperstown, there won’t be anyone left to induct.

You won’t hear any of those hypocritical media members backtracking about the Hall of Fame today. Not yet. But I can guarantee you that the Ramirez revelation, regardless of his claims of innocence, will have an impact going forward on who is seriously considered for the Hall of Fame.

It has to, ‘else you might as well furlough HOF workers for the next decade or two.

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The New York Yankees organization has grown tired of hearing about their empty premium seats.  When Bud Selig called in the Yankees and Mets to talk about having to hear about overpriced seats in repeated news cycles, the two New York teams nodded politely and reminded Selig who pays the bills around here. Selig promptly shrugged his famous shrug and backed down.

(Visual representation of the Yankees discussing empty seats at New Yankee Stadium)

Therefore, the Yankees took it very badly when Don Garber, commissioner of Major League Soccer, made a rather unkind comment about those unfilled seats.   “It’s incomprehensible,” said Garber, “that you watch a game, and there will be front-row seats empty.” Randy Levine, Yankees president, drilled Garber in his soft underbelly with his own unkindness:

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Hey, skinny! Your portfolio is showing! Your pathetic $25-50 million in complicated financial transactions or ferreted away in Caribbean locales to avoid taxes doesn’t impress the women at North Avenue Beach in Chicago. They can’t see your rippling six-pack of bonds because of the Bonds-like six pack on the fellows around you.

Don’t you worry, though; Tom Ricketts can make you a new man, too, for fifteen years! The winner of the Chicago Cubs sweepstakes can’t quite bear the thought of 10% (or worse) interest on loans required to buy the team, so he’s reaching out to you to invest in the team for fifteen years.

(Sorry, Charles Atlas; ladies love cool John Henry)

You get to say you’re an owner, secure front row seats at Wrigley, claim face time with players who don’t know you from Don Rickles, and gather with other rich people who fall for the same gag share in the wealth of Cubs ownership to chat about the direction of the team.

You don’t get a vote, of course. You also have to give your ownership slice back after fifteen years and make zero money on the increased value of the team. Frankly, you’re an investment tourist gambling that the economy will blow through 2024. But rich socialite women go for your type; just ask Red Sox principal owner John Henry’s fiancée!

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If you are only going to hit one basket in a game, hitting the shot that sends your team to the NCAA Tournament is good time to do it. And that’s just what Robert Morris University guard Dallas Green did (not the former big league manager), picking up a loose ball and draining a baseline jumper with 2.5 seconds left to give the Colonials a dramatic 48-46 victory over Mount St. Mary’s to win the Northeast Conference Championship.

But as exciting as the final three seconds or so were, the first 39 minutes and 57 seconds were just as ugly. As in, “hey, look, ‘Sports Soup’ is on!” bad. The second half was pretty rough to watch, and that was a huge upgrade over the first half: the halftime score was 19-19, and the leading scorer for the game was RMU’s Jeremy Chappell (seen below celebrating) with 15 points.

But in the end, it was Green who provided the heroics. Which rubbed his opponents the wrong way:

Mount St. Mary’s guard Jeremy Goode was particularly stung that Green — a player who even Robert Morris coach Mike Rice admitted was the fifth option on the play — was the player who hit the decisive shot.

“It hurts more,” Goode said. “You’d rather see a guy who makes shots the whole time he has been here make the game-winner. Not [Green] though.”

I’m sure that Green is going to be very upset about those comments…as he and his teammates prepare for the NCAA Tournament, while the Mount St. Mary’s team prepares for a long off-season. But based on the game last night, I doubt that Green or that rest of the Robert Morris team should be game planning for more than one game.

(And in case you were curious, Robert Morris guard Mezie Nwigwe played despite being arrested on assault charges after a fight this past weekend, scoring a whopping three points in 18 minutes.)

There was another ticket punched to the Big Dance last night which also ended in dramatic fashion. Portland State squeaked past huge underdog Montana State team (who finished the season 14-17) to win the Big Sky Championship. The Vikings also used a last-second shot to clinch their spot, as Julius Thomas dunked with 3.5 seconds left for the winning points in their 79-77 victory. Hopefully they can avoid being a No. 16 seed again, like they were last year before getting thumped by Kansas.

Meanwhile, coming on the heels of the death of TapouT clothing co-founder Charles “Mask” Lewis being killed in a gruesome car crash, there was more bad news from the MMA world. Quinton “Rampage” Jackson broke his jaw in his UFC 98 victory over Keith Jardine on Saturday, which will force him out of his light heavyweight title match against Rashad Evans. Unbeaten Lyoto Machida is taking his place. Let’s hope that Rampage finds a healthier way to deal with his disappointment than before.

(And about the crash that killed “Mask” Lewis: the police are now looking into street racing as a cause of the accident, and it turns out that Lewis had at least eight traffic violations since 2001, including a DUI.)

Other sports stories floating around as you pondered who will make Bristol Palin an honest woman:

• Mel Kiper Jr. apparently hates Jay Cutler something fierce, according to RUMORS AND RANTS, who have transcribed his diatribe on the suddenly-maligned Denver (for now) quarterback. Not only does Kiper say that the media hype around Cutler was so ridiculous “I had to run to the bathroom quick. It was making me ill,” - I assume he checked his hair after throwing up - he also compares Cutler to He Who Must Not Be Named (Jeff George).



• The LOS ANGELES TIMES says that the LAPD are re-opening the case of Howie Steindler, the boxing trainer who was the inspiration for Rocky Balboa’s trainer Mickey Goldmill and was murdered 32 years ago (and not by the angry words of one Clubber Lang.)
• San Jose mayor Chuck Reed tells MSNBC that the “odds are better than 50/50” of the A’s relocating there from Oakland. Of course, MLB would still need to remove territorial rights to San Jose from the Giants, which is probably why A’s owner Lew Wolff was - as SHYSTER BALL notes - sucking up to Bud Selig last week.
• Remember how the statue at Syracuse honoring Heisman Trophy winner Ernie Davis had such historical anachronisms as a modern helmet and Nike shoes?The SYRACUSE POST-STANDARD says the statue has been “fixed” and returned to campus.
• Venezuela defeated the US 5-3 in the World Baseball Classic in a fairly meaningless game (both teams had already made the quarterfinals), despite what ESPN chronicles as simmering tensions over President Hugo Chavez threaten to boil over for the team and its fans.
• The GREENWICH TIME has the punishment for a highly-successful Connecticut lacrosse coach after it came out he was arrested for drunk driving last year: a two-week suspension, plus having to volunteer for a “Safe Rides” program. Are you sure he’s the person you want to be your “safe ride?”
• FOOD COURT LUNCH breaks down some SABRmetric terms you probably don’t know, like Spouse Slugging (leaders include Brett Myers and Elijah Dukes) and Scrappiness Index (David Eckstein).
• The ATLANTA JOURNAL CONSTITUTION says that tickets to the ACC Tournament, once one of the toughest to get in all of college sports, are now yours for the taking as the event is not a sellout, with almost 10,000 seats remaining unsold.
• Hey, remember when Notre Dame was everyone’s trendy pick for a Final Four dark horse? Perhaps everyone meant NIT Final Four, as that’s where the Fighting Irish are heading after getting bounced from the Big East Tournament by West Virginia.
• Despite almost slicing her thumb off on a broken champagne bottle while celebrating a win earlier this season, the BOSTON GLOBE reports that Lindsey Vonn has made history by becoming the first American woman to win back-to-back overall and downhill World Cup titles.