Brandon Marshall: Joey Porter Dances Like A Girl

The Broncos may be in first place in the dreadful AFC West, but they need to start worrying a bit more about winning football games than discussing the nightclub antics of their opponents. Denver fell to 4-4 with a 26-17 loss at home to the Dolphins on Sunday, and the team hasn’t won since Jay Cutler popped off about having the strongest arm in the league and started comparing himself to John Elway.

Joey Porter Dolphins

Now, Brandon Marshall has decided to start unloading on Joey Porter — after the Dolphins came in and punked the Broncos on Sunday. He gets off a couple good shots, including one about Porter’s shirtless dancing out at the clubs.

Who’s the best NFL dancer?

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Speed Read: A-Rod Reaches Settlement in Divorce

TGIF, SbBers! And one Yankee slugger is TG-ing a little more on this lovely F.

Alex & Cynthia Rodriguez

Alex Rodriguez has reached a divorce settlement with soon-to-be ex-wife Cynthia. C-Rod had been fighting the legality of the couple’s pre-nup agreement, but may have realized it was a lost cause. All A-Rod’s lawyer would say (in a terse statement) is that the dueling duo “have amicably resolved their dissolution of marriage proceedings.”

So, he’s all yours, Madonna. (Or yours, Derek.)

Brewers Cubs

The Cubs creep closer to that NL Central crown, as the Brew Crew somehow turned a 2-out, 9th-inning 6-2 lead into a 12-inning 7-6 defeat. Just call Geovany Soto the Steve Bartman of Milwaukee. The Cubbies’ magic number is now 2, while the magic number for Brewers fans is the Wisconsin suicide hotline.

Over in the Junior League, Minnesota had some 9th-inning heroics of their own, as Alex Casilla’s two-run shot helped the Twins rally to topple Tampa Bay 11-8. The win did favors for both the Twins & Red Sox - Minny’s now only 1 1/2 games behind the White Sox in the AL Central (thanks to a 9-2 Yanks victory), while Boston moves up behind the Rays in the AL East by the same margin.

And all this time, the AL West champion Los Angeles Angels of Anaheim, California, USA, North America sit and wait - and dress up their rookies in women’s clothing. (Still, that’s nothing compared to the Padres’ parade of horrid Hooters Girls.)

Brandon Marshall collides with referee

Brandon Marshall could be spending more time on the sidelines - or in jail. New charges have been filed in Georgia against the Broncos receiver, stemming from a March incident where Marshall allegedly beat up his then-girlfriend. Having already been suspended from the season opener against Oakland, Marshall could be facing additional discipline from the league.

Remarkably, although he only appeared in one game this season, Marshall already leads the league in receiving with 18 catches. (But Chargers fans would argue that Ed Hochuli helped.)

Colorado looks set to take over West Virginia’s #21 spot in the polls, as the Buffaloes roam to a 3-0 record after Thursday night’s 17-14 OT thriller over the Mountaineers - all because Aric Goodman could kick chip-shot field goals & Pat McAfee could not. At least McAfee still has a roster spot, which is more than can be said for Peter Lalich.

Peter Lalich Virginia Cavaliers QB

(“Bartender! Gimme a double!”)

Virginia QB Lalich was kicked off the Cavaliers squad after admitting in court that he violated his probation for underage drinking. But after watching the Cavs’ crappy perfomances this season, anyone would be hitting the bottle.

And now on to more pressing matters:

L.A. Kings Ice Girls tryouts

• Slide over, Laker Girls - LARRY BROWN SPORTS has the exclusive news (and more importantly, photos) of the Los Angeles Kings’ Ice Girls dance team tryouts.

• The MINNEAPOLIS STAR-TRIBUNE hears that Adrian Peterson has a sore hammy, but the Vikings RB still feels ready to bring home the bacon on Sunday.

• WITH LEATHER claws up news of a Mets minor leaguer charged with killing his girlfriend’s cat in a jealous rage.

• THE WIZ OF ODDS chronicles the first blow struck in this weekend’s Florida-Tennessee football war - the Vols football Wikipedia page was vandalized!

• CNN serves up news of Ana Ivanovic bowing out early in a tourney again, this time losing in the second round of the Pan Pacific Open. Maybe she really is the next Anna Kournikova, after all.

• On the return serve, ON THE BASELINE reports that Maria Sharapova is launching a $210,000 scholarship program for students living in areas affected by the Chernobyl disaster.

• VARIETY wants to know if you smell what The Rock is cookin’ in Tomorrowland, as the wrestler-turned-actor is set to star in a movie based around the Disneyland attraction.

• Can’t wait for the NBA season to start? BASKETBAWFUL offers their own objective previews of all 30 teams.

• BUGS & CRANKS doesn’t know what the Yankees should do with Bobby Abreu - do you?

John Heuser of the ANN ARBOR NEWS is concerned that this year’s Wolverines could be the first bowl-less Michigan squad since 1974.

In preparation for Saturday’s pigskin action, here’s today’s pertinent poll:

What ESPN College Gameday segment would you like to see first?

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Fore! *Hic!* John Daly Uses Beer Can As Golf Tee

Brooks uncovers all the fun he found during his visit to the Playboy Mansion.

John Daly finds more than one way to enjoy a beer on the golf course.

John Daly beer can golf tee

• Astros GM Ed Wade is all choked up over Shawn Chacon’s suspension.

Pete Carroll got into a little fender-bender with a cop car from the L.A. Sheriff’s Department - or did he?

• So much for Maria Sharapova celebrating another Wimbledon win.

• The Iraqi Olympic soccer team has been blown up - not literally, thankfully.

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Triple Arrest Trouble For Broncos WR Marshall

Denver Broncos wide receiver Brandon Marshall is expected to only improve as the #1 guy for QB Jay Cutler to throw to this season, but off-field accusations may be getting in the way of a connection. Marshall is already recovering from a bizarre incident involving getting injured after slipping on a McDonald’s wrapper; now the DENVER POST is reporting that the NFL is looking into possible disciplinary actions after an arrest involving a possible domestic dispute with his long-time girlfriend back in March.

Brandon Marshall

Rasheedah Watley claimed in an affidavit that Marshall hit her in the mouth and left eye, leaving her with, according to the criminal warrant, ‘visible marks above the eye and a laceration on her top and bottom lip.’” Charges have not been filed, and the two have a back history of events that resulted in dropped charges.

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Blog-O-Rama: Purple Jesus Will Break Your Hand

• THE 700 LEVEL has to hand it to Adrian Peterson, as Purple Jesus divinely demonstrates his powerful grip while exchanging pleasantries.

Adrian Peterson big hands

• THE SPORTING BLOG has a new look. MR. IRRELEVANT approves.

• EVERY DAY SHOULD BE SATURDAY is relieved that new Baylor coach Art Briles was able to reach his #1 spring practice goal - no one got injured.

• D.C. SPORTS BOG sneaks along news of a couple of Nats fans crashing the Opening Day festivities at the new ballpark.

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Blog-O-Rama: Preview Of Giants’ Super Bowl Bling

• NEW YORK NEWSDAY intercepts a sneak peek at the New York Giants’ new Super Bowl rings.

New York Giants Super Bowl rings

• EMPTY THE BENCH is stuck on these NBA “glue players“.

• THE SPORTS HERNIA spots Chris “Mad Dog” Russo picking a winner & tasting victory.

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Blog-O-Rama: Red Sox Nation Lost In Translation

• JOE SPORTS FAN comes across a sign from Red Sox fans in Japan that gets a little lost in translation.

Park Fenway Red Sox sign

• Michael David Smith of AOL FANHOUSE follows up that McDonald’s is off the hook in regards to Brandon Marshall’s arm injury, but now Vince McMahon may be to blame.

• AWFUL ANNOUNCING reports that Erin Andrews will be in Gainesville with the ESPN College Gameday crew for Florida’s spring practice game. But she was just there!

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Broncos WR Marshall Assaults Helpless Television

People have been complaining for years about how television has ruined pro football, and now Denver Broncos WR Brandon Marshall might agree.

denver broncos brandon marshall

Marshall had to get stitches in his arm after falling into a television. Unfortunately, Mike Shanahan called timeout before the loss of balance began, so now Marshall has to fall through the TV again.

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Cheap Shot Gets Smaller NFL Fine Than Snow Throwing After Score

NFL FINE SYSTEM PULLS SNOW JOB ON DENVER BRONCOS: We love this comparison pointed out by Jay Posner of the SAN DIEGO UNION-TRIBUNE today: “According to the Rocky Mountain News, Denver wide receiver Brandon Marshall was fined $7,500 by the NFL for throwing snow in the air to celebrate a touchdown catch during a game Dec. 9.

Brandon Marshall Snow Job

By comparison, Broncos safety Nick Ferguson was fined $5,000 for a low hit on a special teams play earlier this season that the league judged to be ‘unnecessary roughness.’“And speaking of snow, “Terrell Owens of Dallas wasn’t fined at all for dumping popcorn on himself while celebrating a TD.

Terrell Owens Popcorn

So throwing snow is worse than a low-bridge on special teams? And T.O. can act harmlessly goofy, but Marshall can’t? Well one thing Posner didn’t consider in the NFL’s decision - the Bronco receiver does have a bit of an off-the-track record when it comes to making (alleged) bad decisions:

Brandon Marshall DUI