Adding A Question Mark Makes Everything OK (?)

Total bullcrap journalistic practice that needs to die in an incinerator, #26345: The misleading headline/question mark combo. For whatever reason, writers are able to get away with some of the most absurd, heinous implications with the addition of uncertainty, via question mark. For example, if a headline said “[insert your favorite President] Routinely Murdered Grandmothers With His Bare Hands,” you’d know the article wasn’t worth reading because that is absolutely nowhere in the record of facts. But if it was “[insert your favorite President] Routinely Murdered Grandmothers With His Bare Hands?”, all of a sudden you’re thinking, “You know what? Maybe there’s something there.” And then the article’s about economic policy and you’re just irate.

Matthew Lesko Question Mark Suit
(This uncertainty is so zany!)

So while it’s no surprise, it’s still disappointing that the practice has bled over to PRO FOOTBALL TALK, where a recent headline read, and we quote, “Brandon Jacobs wants to beat up Tony Siragusa?” The article itself had absolutely nothing that suggested that Jacobs was upset; in fact, the only time Jacobs even mentioned Siragusa was to say he didn’t care about him. Booooooo. Poor form.

Or is it poor form? We’re going to print the notes for our fantasy football team, but give it all some fun headlines. Let’s see if we can’t gin up a few cheap pageviews on this one. Read more…

Jason Elam Saving America From Terrorists Again

Jason Elam kicks up yet another thrilling pro football player-turned-special ops agent fighting terrorists and saving America novelization.

Jason Elam Falcons

It’s already sold 43 copies!

• The Boston Celtics reach 18 in a row. They must be pretty good.

• WWJD? He wouldn’t tap out, that’s for sure! And now you can wear the shirt that proves it. Buy it, or go to hell!

• A jerk at Gillette did what none of the Cardinals could do on Sunday - bring down a Patriot player.

Read more…

SbB Caption Contest: Brandon Bellowing After Win

Hey there, readers! Hope you had fun this weekend combating with and cursing out the crowds as you gathered up gifts for all your friends & family. Remember, only 3 more shopping days ’til Christmas!

Speaking of the holiday season, the New York Giants won’t be suffering any post-Xmas depression, as they’ll be spending their entire playoff run in the merry Meadowlands. (Well, except the Super Bowl, of course.) Anyway, here’s Brandon Jacobs letting out a Giant roar after the G-Men’s Sunday night victory over Carolina:

Brandon Jacobs NY Giants

So, what’s BJ bellowing about? Submit your suggestions into the comments section linked below. Winner will be announced in the end-of-the-day recap, and chance to win a pair of officially-licensed NFL earmuffs so you’ll never have to hear another word from John Madden again.

Good luck & good writing! (How about that - a Giants post without a Plaxico gun joke. Merry Christmas, everyone!)

Speed Read: Teammates Make Great Interviewers

NBC’s Football Night In America sure knows how to bring the hard interviews to Joe Fantasygm’s television. Former Giants running back Tiki Barber sat down with current Giants running back Brandon Jacobs, and little-known Detroit native Jerome Bettis was at the Steelers-Titans game and somehow scored an on-field interview with his former quarterback, Ben Roethlisberger.

Bettis Roethlisberger Tiki Barker interviews

Honestly, all sports interviews should be conducted by former teammates-turned-journalists. It makes them so much more fun, and they can talk about the good old days when there were two or three years in their careers that intertwined. Keyshawn Johnson can talk to Terrell Owens while sharing a king sized bed, braiding each other’s hair and ask each other, “Seriously, isn’t it better to be like us than it is to be a fan of the game?” “Yeah, screw the fans!” [high five]

Overtime games - New Orleans Bown and Panthers-Giants

Barber was nowhere to be seen (rats!) as the Giants nuzzled up to home field advantage with a 34-28 overtime win over the surprising Panthers. Derrick Ward rumbled for 215 yards on merely 15 carries. A visibly crushed DeAngelo Williams was not consoled by Tim Biakabutuka.

Elsewhere in overtime news, the R+L Carriers New Orleans Bowl went to an extra frame with Southern Miss winning 30-27 over Troy, with USM’s Britt Barefoot doinking a field goal off the inside of the goalposts for the game-winning three points. Not only is Barefoot an amazing name for a kicker, as is his coach’s, Larry Fedora. Anyone whose surname is also a hat immediately wins trust in my book.

Boston Celtics win 18 straight

Four teams not named the Boston Celtics have 18 wins or more this season. One team actually named the Celtics has 18 wins or more in a current streak of basketball games. A 124-105 dismantling of the New York Knicks on Sunday evening kept the streak alive. This ties a franchise record, and it’s only the longest win streak since … earlier this year, when the idiosyncratic Houston Rockets won 22 before losing to … Boston. If The C’s can make it 26 in a row, the Rockets will get a chance to return the favor on January 7. The NBA: where looking extremely far down the road happens.

SbB: Where ten other stories I didn’t have much else to say about happens.

  • NESW SPORTS finds an oblique mention of Ahmad Rashad making a jump shot for the Philadelphia 76ers, but no mention of it anywhere else on the Internet. Much like the fossils in the ground, God probably put this video on the tubes to test our faith.
  • One more thing about that Celtics game. The BOSTON HERALD reports that Glen Davis missed the game after getting in a car crash on his way to the game, and his head broke the windshield. The accident was classified by the Celtics as “minor,” probably because their spokespeople are manly men who jog home from vasectomies.
  • Now that the Lions are 0-15, we can now call Bizarro Mercury Morris because they are on his block. The DETROIT NEWS is asking Lions fans — the ones that haven’t strangled themselves yet — put out an online survey asking what emotion best describes the reaction to this season. The results so far?

    Lions poll

    Put that on a t-shirt. “The Detroit Lions: The Otherest Team In History.”

  • We almost went a whole day without any Mark Teixeira rumors. Sheesh! Well, the Angels are pulling away their 8-year, $54 gazillion offer, leaving Tex with the Yankees, Red Sox, Nationals or Orioles as potential new homes. Two of these is not like the others. The MERCURY NEWS is rather sick of this bidding war, concluding he will sign “maybe with Baltimore or Washington, whereupon he will say the perennial loser that lands him was attractive because it offers the best chance to win.”
  • The Phoenix Suns need a new point guard and are having open tryouts for the position. As noted by BRIGHT SIDE OF THE SUN, ““The six guys that will be here Monday are a mix of vets and youngsters ranging from the 26 year old Walker Russell to the 83 year old Darrell Armstrong.
  • THE HARDBALL TIMES reminds Cubs fans that, no matter how bad it gets for the team, its fans can always fall back on their pure hatred of Steve Garvey.
  • THE 700 LEVEL has video of the Eagles-Redskins final play, perhaps the most climactic finish of the day in the NFL, where Reggie Brown gets stopped cold at the goalline, denying Philly the game-tying touchdown on the final play.
  • Oh, Mike Singletary, never change. After the 49ers escaped out of St. Louis with a 17-16 win (after being down 16-3 in the fourth), the interim coach said of his quarterback Shaun Hill after throwing his third interception: “I was going to choke him.” Good lord. If Singletary doesn’t get hired back next year, he’s a shoe-in to become a New York Mets consultant.
  • Now for a critical NHL All-Star voting update. Sidney Crosby rallied from 120,000 fake Canadiens votes behind to shatter the all-time NHL votes record and leads Alexei Kovalev by 280,000 votes. Three other Canadiens are still in the lead, but not by much. The anticipation is palpable! I can hardly zzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzz…
  • The Cowboys might have ate it hard in their home finale but Jerry Jones seems content in keeping Wade Phillips around for another year, despite the game being a seemingly passing of the torch to Jason Garrett. The STAR TELEGRAM does not seem pleased with this. “Talk about your buzz kills. Not only did Coach Wade help ruin a huge party for fans and legends assembled to bid farewell to Texas Stadium on Saturday, he now apparently has another 16 games to bring his special brand of “ish” football to JerryWorld.”

Who is your favorite winless team or person?

View Results

Richard Collier Talks About Shooting/Amputation

• Jacksonville Jaguars lineman Richard Collier speaks out for the first time since being shot 14 times & having his leg amputated.

Richard Collier

• Since the Rose Bowl’s been like a second home to USC lately, the Trojans will wear their red home unis when visiting UCLA this Saturday.

Dusty Baker wants one more chance to ruin Kerry Wood’s arm.

• At least one football league is United in its support of Michael Vick.

Read more…

Jacobs: “… In My Home, I Am Going To Kill You”

Brandon Jacobs and some of his Giants teammates were trying to help take some of the heat off teammate Plaxico Burress and his ongoing firearms case, but they may have brought a whole lot of negative attention on themselves, instead.

burress jacobs practice

(Burress and Jacobs debate: Glock or Smith and Wesson?)

When asked about how Burress accidentally shot himself in the leg — and, more importantly, about why he was carrying a concealed handgun that may or may not have been correctly registered — Brandon had some choice words … and an open threat against anyone who might considering some light holiday breaking and entering at the Jacobs household:

Read more…